Guest Commentator–Mason Baveux

We’re up to our gumboot tops on the job, so we bought Mason a mickey of Palm Breeze to fill in.  Mason?

Thanks again there lad for the ticket to bloggery and the mickey of coffee sweetener will go a long way to takin the chill out of the weather.  You asked me to look over the news and see what comes up, so’s I did.

Libya:  Them NATO lads are doin a no-fly zone sos to keep Moe Cadaffy from killin everyone what isn’t him.  She’s a good idea on the surface, but they’s overlookin the oblivious.  Airplanes cost fer gas and guns and people what to drive’em and change the oil.  That adds up to a bit of change, and change is what Mo Cadaffy don’t want. 

If they’d just off Mo Cadaffy, then the NATO flyboys (and girls) can go home.  Bomb the snot out of his house, then make the ashes bounce again, then once more to make sure.  If Libya can’t get change after that, then to hell with them all.  We’re not invadin, move on.

Japan.  Jeeze that makes me head hurt.  The ground goes shaky, then the Sue-nami comes ashore and washes about 50 thousand folks away.  Then they get a bunch of reactors goin all cattywampus threatening to melt through the planet to come out around Ann Arbor Michigan.  All I know for sure is it ain’t no easy fix and it won’t be done by dinner time, even if media don’t cover it no more.

The Media.  I’ve had me about enough of them pundicks talkin their jaws off about how some politician is or isn’t left or right, or up or down.  Hey, media!  Whyn’t ya try lookin for some facts once in a while, as your opinions don’t mean jack squat.  We got a one-time Cabinet advisor up here cavortin with some 22 year old ‘sex trade worker’ (which is just code for she’s a whore) who’s what wound up ownin’ about 20 percent of some shell-game sellin water filters to First National reservations with Federal funding, all run by this one time advisor who’s gettin rich and getting his handrail shined.  The last time we had somethin’ this tacky was when Mackenzie King would ask someone to lend him five bucks after a Cabinet meeting.  I’s so fed up with the bullhockey that passes for reportin, that I’m about ready to renounce my membership in the Nancy Wilson Fan Club. 

Late Breakin’ News.  Hey, we got a bulletin here and I’s always wanted to say that.  Seems that our esteemed Federal Representatives have decided to dissolve Parliament and toss us off the dock of a Federal Election into a half-frozen lake and it ain’t even the 2-4 Weekend yet. 

Nows, being thrown off the dock is how I learned to swim, but dammit Janet, this time we get thrown off the dock with a chain around our neck and the four cinderblocks we’ve got for party leaders are goin to take us all to the bottom.  It sure looks like we’re not going to be votin for anything, but just votin for the one that doesn’t actually suck as much shiite as the other three. 

I wanta pass a law that all of them, that Browshirt Harper, Iggy the Undead, Jack the Meat Department Manager at Sobey’s and Gilles Doucheppe be legally prohibited from ever being organ donors.  We surely don’t want that kind of genetic material bein out and about.  I’m sort of thinkin of passin the hat at the Center to send all four of them to Japan to go stand on a reactor for an afternoon.  They’d be dumb enough to do it, if we told them it was a campaign contribution.  With any luck, it’d be a one-way ticket. 

We could find some retired hockey players with multiple concussions who’d run our government.  I know a guy named Slappy who runs the Zamboni up Middletown way.  Slappy still wears his hockey helmet from Junior A thirty years ago and for five bucks he’ll eat a stick of butter on a dare, then puke it up.  He couldn’t be any worse than the collection of lint we got runnin things now.

Frig Dave!  What the hell are we gonna do?