If Jesus came back today and tried to do the things he is purported to do in the New Testament, would he have a car? Of course. Now, what kind of car?
Some well-meaning eco-nuts have tried to argue that Jesus would never get a SUV because the dreaded SUV is a gas pig, a symbol of conspicuous consumption and bad for the environment as it can be used to drive over spotted-owl endangered species habitat and wetlands.
Well, assuming Jesus does as he did in Jesus V 1.0, spend the first 30 years or so of his life, more or less incognito, then he’d be an insurance agent in New Jersey. Longish hair, beard, Birkenstock sandals, weekend jeans, probably a pierced ear and a Greenpeace t-shirt. Sounds like a Volvo driver. A Volvo Station Wagon.
Shirt and tie during the week. Might even be a member of the Lions Club or Kiwanis. Has a “titties and beer” night with the boys about once a year and probably gets a hooker when he’s in Atlanta for the Insurance Agent Convention every February.
I think that if Jesus did come back and do the thing again, the first time he got out of the car in Cookeville, Tennessee or Gatlin, Texas, the locals would either shoot him, shun him as a Yankee Lunatic Socialist or offer to give him directions to the fastest way out of town.
If he did get the whole popularity thing happening, he’d be on Larry King Live with Liza Minnelli and her meat puppet husband along with Michael Jackson. First forty-five minutes would be plastic surgery, last fifteen of Larry King….Jesus is back.
Next morning, “Good Morning America” “Live with Regis and Kelly” and tape a feature with Maria Shriver for “Dateline NBC” That afternoon, “Late Night with David Letterman” as the second guest after Billy Crystal.
A week later? “What happened to Jesus?” on 20/20. Headlines about “being in rehab” and “Jesus shopping Mall meltdown on shoplifting charges” from the National Enquirer.
A year later? A comeback, just like Whitney or Mariah or P.Diddy-Puffy-Sean-JLo.
My point? (And I do have one) In some parts of the world, if Jesus didn’t come back as dinner, nobody would listen to him. In the Western World, he’d just be another commercial commodity.
What would he drive? In my world, a military spec HUMVEE with a .50 cal and he’d take absolutely no crap off anyone.
RoadDave 
Naw – a LAV-25 – 8×8 with a 25mm autocannon and coax 7.62mm MG, up-armoured to handle IEDs (yeah, I know this blog is older) with a twin-TOW launcher firing out the ramp door. Make it a multi-fuel engine, burns gasoline, avgas, diesel, biodiesel, ethanol, whatever. (Or just a gas engine tuned to run off high-alcohol wine. Then you just need water for fuel! :D) That should see off any Romans!