RoadDave

Things are looking, essentially, like we’re going to strap on the guns and go a huntin’.  The ostensible reason is Saddam Hussein has Weapons of Mass Destruction that he might let loose in the Gulf Neighbourhood Playground. 

In a children’s context:  There is a neighbourhood bully who is scaring the shit out of the rest of us kids.  He thumbs his generous nose at the parents (the UN) and the daycare workers (the weapons inspectors) and tells all the other kids that he’s got a big booger in his nose that he’ll hock up and gob on anyone who doesn’t join his team.  OK, so what do we do now?

Simply put, all the other kids are getting together and the biggest kids are going to beat the crap out of the bully, then kick him out of the playground.  Very Lord of the Flies, but that is how it works at a child level.  It has worked that way, the playground dynamic, since the dawn of time.  Except when its country against country we give it names like The Great War, or World War II, or the Korean Conflict, or a Police Action, or Desert Storm, or Peacekeeping. 

We don’t really need to examine the ‘real’ reasons for the coming conflict, as they are simple to state:  Big Oil, Big Business, Big Economy Boost and Distraction From Shit We Haven’t Fixed At Home.  Thinking too much on this can make you too jaded, so in the interest of mental health, let’s just stick with the playground analogy.  Otherwise, we’ll wind up posting on alt.conspiracy.gulfwar 100 hours a week.

Let’s follow this to its logical conclusion:  The bully gets his ass kicked and everyone who takes him on, gets to put boogers in his hair, make him cry and give him a wedgie that he will never forget.  Now, the good kids run the playground and the rest of the kids who didn’t get into the scrap can say they were with us all along.

We’ll feel good about doing something for ourselves.  The bully will go away.  The playground will return to its usual level of fear and panic and unpleasantness. 

Except over in the other corner of the playground, we’ve got some Korean kid that doesn’t have a bike, or nice clothes, but he’s got a bottle rocket and some matches.

Humankind always needs some kind of bad shit happening to keep it angry.  I have yet to see one societal group, either contemporary, or historical, who have lead the pacifist path with consistency.  The Playground Ethos always applies

Of course he resigned, Senate Majority Leader, Trent Lott, pulled the pin on his career grenade last week and finally let go of the spoon yesterday.  He really had no choice, as he came across in his Black Entertainment Television (BET) Public mea culpa as a “Crossing Over” audience member channelling George Wallace.   

Then Dubya had a chat with him.  Lott faced two choices with Dubya:  Resign, or become Colin Powell’s Valet and Bootblack.  Since Powell likes shiny shoes and good creases in his shirts, Lott took Choice One.

I suspect Lott will employ the Gore Stratagem.  Go away for a while, then come back and stare wistfully off into middle distance.  I can almost see Trent Lott with a tight curl perm, in a Pendleton shirt, well-worn jeans, used Rockports, sporting a Fu Manchu and a ‘doo rag.  His new job?  Admissions Director for Bob Jones University. 

Although its a lovely dream, the reality is he’s going on the Rubber Chicken Circuit as a lecturer at $5,000 a pop.  This should keep him in marine epoxy for a few years ensuring his legacy of Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.

The real legacy is that the media will not brook even the potential of politically incorrect stain on your record.  If your Daddy’s Daddy belonged to some organization that was/is not PC today, then you’re just as guilty, even if you, personally have never been a member.  The excuse for this I heard more than once from learned commentators was:  “The Apple Doesn’t Fall From The Tree”, which is utter nonsense.

But it seemed to suffice as reason enough to pillory Lott as a sheet-wearing, cross burning, night-riding, fire hose-waving zealot who stood beside Bull Connor and had his own autographed Louisville Nightstick.  Which is also, utter nonsense.

Now, I refuse to defend Lott, as he is an idiot and so far right he makes Nixon look like a Libertarian, but I can’t get past then zealotry of the media in pursuing him because it is a slow new week. 

The part that scares me, is since the late 70’s, the majority of North Americans get almost all their news from Television.  A Roper Poll (mid 80’s or so) placed Television News at the top of the list for credibility, honesty and believability with viewers.  Not just by a few percentage points either, it was something like four times more credible than newspapers, radio, magazines and books. 

If that doesn’t scare you.  Then nothing will. 

Trent Lott, who looks like an early Gumby model, especially in the hair department, is not wining The Smartest Man award this year.  Mister Claymation put his foot all the way into his mouth regarding his segregation comment at Strom Thurmond’s birthday thing.  Lott is an idiot and always has been an idiot, so I can’t get too bent about it: “Stupid is as stupid does” to quote Forrest Gump.

But here is the real point:  Despite what the politically correct might think, historically, America and (to a lesser extent) Canada, have been extraordinarily racist for most of their history.  There is no excuse for racism.  Hating someone just for their colour or heritage is silly.  Get to know the person first, then hate them for specific behaviours or beliefs. 

At various times in the history of both countries, we have hated Irish, Poles, Blacks, Hungarians, Jews, Chinese, Japanese, Jews again, Catholics, Protestants, English, New Zealanders, Latvians, French, Chinese again and have actually passed laws disenfranchising them, or limiting their immigration, or passing laws that preclude their owning land, farming or having government jobs.

Humans are essentially xenophobic.  We like others who are like us.  Wind back the time machine and you’ll probably see Cro-Magnons with the same features and values hangin’ together.  It still happens today:  Chinatown, Little Italy, Little Saigon, Poletown, Greek Town, Scarberia, BarbecueHaven, The Glebe…ad nauseum.

Since we can’t change history (People were killed, in my lifetime, just because they were of a certain pigment) and Humans won’t change, we can only accept the fact that ‘we’ as a society have done some really stupid things IN THE PAST.

So, to everyone who gets bent with non-PC statements of fact:  That was then.  This is now.  Judge me on my actions today, not what my great-great-great-great grandmother thought, did, or didn’t do.  And get over it.  To quote Colin Powell approximately:  “Racism is the other guy’s problem, not yours.”

OK, on behalf of many Canadians, I wish to apologize for the Prime Minister’s Press Secretary calling Geo. W Bush a “moron” 

She was talking about her own boss, Jean Chretien (pronounced Zhan Kret-yen for American audiences), who is so well regarded on the International Stage, that when he speaks, the press goes for coffee, answers voice mail, or clips their toenails.

Not to say that our Prime Minister is a moron, as that would be unfair to the truly stupid.  Our PM is a useless old political hack with a 40 year record of pork barrelling, contract pushing, featherbedding, jiggery-pokery and old fashioned graft that is jaw-droppingly stunning even to those who survived the Ceausescu regime in Olde Romania. 

Chretien is not a moron.  Geo W. is not a moron either.  Neither can apply for Mensa membership, but they sure do have a certain low cunning that allowed the two of them to get to the highest office each country has to offer. There are three morons in this situation: 

One, the PM’s Press Secretary who is so stupid as to be not trusted with scissors or to be near the media.  Will someone please wire her jaws shut?

Two: The voters of Canada, who continue to elect these muck suckers.  We deserve the appellation ‘moron’ because we keep marking the X next to their names.

Three: The voters of the US, both of them who showed up and pulled the lever.  Bush is a logo, just like the Nike swoosh, or Ronald Regan.  You voted for a logo?  Moron.

The answer?  Well, to our US members, don’t get bent out of shape by the PM’s Press Wank calling your C in C a moron.  Consider the source: A Press Wank with as much impact on World Opinion as Barney Fife has on Quantum Mechanics. 

To our Canadian members: Will you please try to remember that the best federal governments we’ve ever had in this country have been our minority governments over the years.  Things get done when voters grab their elected representatives by the cullions and threaten to toss them out on the streets.