RoadDave

The kids have drawn a line in the sand with regards to Saddam O’Hussein.  March 17th, they’ll kick his ass.  Thank God that most of the American Army are not Irish, as they’d be up to their eyes in Guinness at 0400.  Not that a Drunk Irishman is ever too drunk to fight, but you know, airplanes, tanks, guns, drunken Irishmen…. sounds like a recipe for fratricide if I ever heard one.

(Insert Apology to All Irish People Here)

The Americans are being generous about it too.  There are reports that they will drop leaflets on March 16th over Baghdad inviting the citizens to put their heads between their knees and kiss their collective ass goodbye.  The downside of having a definitive date is losing the element of surprise.  CNN, Fox and the rest of media pack will be there to watch the show, hoping for another Peter Arnett, John Holliman play by play of the bombing.

Celebrities, meanwhile, are beating the peace drum.  Fine, they’re entitled to use their celebrity for causes they believe in and, as citizens, have the right to object.  Some are even well-informed.  Janeane Garofolo, for instance, seems well-read on the subject and understands the issue.  Good for her.  Good for Martin Sheen too, as he is a long-time peace activist and is also well-informed about the situation.  I don’t mind listening to their dissent, as it is sound, reasoned and rational.  I don’t agree, but I can appreciate their position.

What I can wait for, is bubblehead celebrities to come out against the deal.  Bubbleheads like Brittney, Anna Nicole Smith, or Jacko The Wacko, who have not clue where Iraq is, let alone the who, what and why of the issue, but they sure know a bandwagon when they see it.  Just remember after this is all done, that those who jump on the bandwagon will have albums, or shows, or movies that are asking for you to part with your hard-earned dollar to fund their careers.

If Raytheon Presents The Gulf War Brought To You By Lockheed-Martin (c) comes down on March 17th as advertised, then it becomes time to shut up and get onside and that includes celebrities.

Remember the essential concept of war:  Get in, Win, Go Home.  There’s nothing in there about wearing a Styrofoam hat with an “Erin Go Bragh” button on your battledress.

Raytheon Presents The Gulf War Brought to You By Lockheed-Martin (c) is still on a sort of hold while the UN debates the bits and pieces of Iraq disarming.  Its a sort of hold, as the US is still loading troops into the neighbourhood along with the tons of materiel needed to do what needs to be done.

At the same time, Iraq has been a little more forthcoming in running a front end loader over the Al-Samoud II missiles that are in direct breach of the 1991 UN deal, which is a good thing.  Trashing the tools of war is always a good step in convincing others that you are at least giving lip service to the rules.  Is Iraq going slow?  Of course they are.  If you think that Saddam Hussein woke up one day last week and figured out he was in big trouble, then I need the same medicine you take.  That punk knows the score and he saw that he was essentially out-gunned, out-manned and out-technologized by the US.  OK, we’ll run the lawn tractor over the really big ones that we wanted to lob at Israel.

Today, the UN is being blocked by France and Russia at the Security Council.  The reasons for this are two-fold.  One, nobody wants war.  A proper altruistic reason to vote against a UN action. 

The second is a little more sinister.  It is widely, but quietly, reported that much of the rebuilt infrastructure in Iraq for poison gas, military gear and other support services have “Made in France” “Made in Germany” and “Made in Russia” stamped on the hardware.  There was a worldwide embargo on shipping this kind of stuff to Iraq since Version 1.0 of the Gulf War.  Many companies gave that one a wink and a nod while billing millions of dollars, usually paid promptly, by the Government of Iraq for the bits and pieces sold to Saddam.

If the US does take over the sandbox, it would be, shall we say, discomforting, for it to be made widely known that many of the United States’ friends were saying Saddam was a bad guy, while selling him fertilizer plants, oil production tools and technology to support all of the destroyed infrastructure from Version 1.0.

This is not as contradictory as it seems.  Certain countries have an uncanny ability to speak out of three sides of their mouth at once.  At the multinational level, morality and ethics are sometimes just words that show up in the Oxford Unabridged Dictionary and have nothing to do with corporate performance. 

One classic example should suffice.  During the Falklands War, the Argentinians fired off a bunch of Exocet anti-ship missiles at the British Navy, sinking a major battleship and killing hundreds of sailors.  The Exocets were sold by France to Argentina.  But Britain and France are UN members and generally, good buddies.  Except there were dollars on the table and France went for the deal.  In a perfect world, France, Germany, Russia and the US would sell arms to both sides in a regional conflict, then offer to rebuild the rubble of the winner and loser. 

Oh, you’re concerned about the thousands killed, maimed and emotionally ravaged by those actions?  I’m sorry, that’s not our responsibility….

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the suspected brains behind the American Embassy bombings in Africa, the 911 attack, the USS Cole bombing and, perhaps his worst accusation, co-author of The Macarena, was picked up yesterday near Islamabad, Pakistan by some dudes you don’t ask about.

He’s going to be taken to a third country for interrogation regarding his role in all this nasty stuff, as they don’t want his ass anywhere near the US and I can’t blame the US for that.  Assume that the interrogation will not be filled with the polite banter reminiscent of a Noel Coward play.  What will they learn is the real question?

Asking “Why do you hate America so much?” is perhaps the first question.  The answer is simple, America is successful.  America has money, food, freedom, houses, cars, movie stars, an open political system, (more or less), health care that often works, cable TV, mass transit and aerosol cheese.  Americans don’t have to eat bugs as part of a complete daily diet.  They live in comparative luxury to 9/10ths of the rest of the planet with more things that most countries have names for.

Americans have the right to be grumpy about petty annoyances, to vote, to bitch about paying taxes, DVD players, cell phones and Nintendo Game Cubes.  To quote P.J. O’Rourke: “I’d rather be a crack junkie in New York City that the King, Queen and Jack of all your little pissant countries put together”.  And P.J. is right, despite my urgings to disagree.

Other people don’t like America because their own existence is so gut-wrenchingly squalid in comparison to even the most modest of Americans, it is only natural that there is envy and hate of such a level that it puts a back-spin on a personality right down to the DNA.  Even if every American were to give up all their worldly possessions, give them to the impoverished rest of the world and go back to grazing on grass, the 9/10ths would still be pissed at America for having been successful at one time.  If that logic defies your understanding, then remember that they can always quote some scripture also condemning America for something else.

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed represents those who will never forget or forgive and has the convenient mental construct of “It’s a Holy War” as his moral authority.  Just as dangerous as an Eric Rudolph who believes that killing doctors who perform abortions is justified by scripture.  Which perplexes me greatly:  You have killed, therefore I must kill you, God Said So.  That is no more and no less than a great leap of interpretation that conveniences violence in both the Khalid and Rudolph contexts.

In the end, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed will tell the interrogators nothing of value.  The danger is the past.  KSM will become a martyr, kidnapped by the Evil Americans, therefore those of you who are chosen must now become martyrs yourself to avenge…blah blah blah… You can recite the madness as well as I can.

If it were my country, America, I’d have that Homeland Security colour code pinned at Red right now.  Jack that puppy up to 11 ’cause sure as people can do mental dances to justify all kinds of sick, violent and angry acts, there are folks strapping blocks of C-4 inside their coats waiting for the chance to meet their particular God, up close and personal by killing as many innocent people as possible. 

Heads up folks.  Khalid Shaikh Mohammed is a fuse that you can’t put out, you can’t disconnect and it’s now lit.

Having held a pyrotechnician license for five years, here are the real goods on indoor pyrotechnical effects.

1:  You must have a permit from the local fire department.  No permit?  No pyro.  In Canada, you can’t even order indoor effects charges (pyro) without a special indoor endorsement on your license and a license for each place you plan to let them off.  You can’t get the license without the local fire department being intimately involved in all aspects of the show.  If the local fire department doesn’t like the look of you, or the venue, licenses be dammed, you ain’t getting a permit.

2.  You must demonstrate the current possession of a $1,000,000 PLPD insurance policy for each venue.  Not a group rider, an individual policy per venue. No insurance?  No pyro.

3.  Most indoor, small scale effects charges are what are called ‘cold’ charges, meaning mostly black powder and aluminum:  Very little phosphorus or magnesium in the composition.  Each charge is designed to burn bright but fast and extinguish before the hot parts can hit the floor. 

Most are flash-bangs, which are small black powder charges with some aluminum powder to provide the flash, but not a lot of heat or smoke.  The charge must go high-order very quickly and dissipate even faster.  Fountain streams (or falls), like were used in Rhode Island are specially composited for each granule to light and go out in a very short period of time, gravity providing the illusion of a waterfall of sparkles.  The specification of the effect charge tells you very clearly how far the flammable components will fall.  The manufacturers test the hell out of them, then add a few more feet for safety.

4.  The default rule is always NO.  If you (as the technician) are even the slightest bit unsure about the safety, the answer is NO Fire.  All small-scale indoor effect charges are dangerous, but can’t cause any ruckus if you don’t light them off.  Can a careless technician cause a fire?  Certainly, but your training is always drummed into you that NO is the default.

5: Indoor effects charges using pyrotechnical materials can almost all be duplicated by mechanical effects.  For instance, a flash-bang can be simulated by compressed air and a single-shot high intensity strobe.  Its called a burp-can and makes, essentially, a very loud, compressed air burp and triggers a strobe with a hellacious light at the same time.  No smoke, no flame, no permit needed, but the same effect as a flash-bang. 

Smoke wafting across the stage?  I can rent five different kinds of smoke generators that plug into the wall, like a hair dryer and atomize chemical smoke across an element that produces clouds of thick smoke for Deep Purple cover bands.

Pillars of Flames of Hell?  A fan on its back and silk streamers that are attached to the fan that blow upwards.  A couple of lights on the silk, some red and orange gels in the lights and you have a very real looking pillar of flame.  The Stones used it on Voodoo Lounge, rather than a full propane powered flame generator.  Even works as a medieval torch on the wall of the haunted castle, just some silk, some lights and some electricity.

The simple end to this is:  Someone messed up big time.  I saw the footage this morning at 0530 and it was obvious there were no safety people with extinguishers in hand standing by.  Training says that you must have someone ready to put the effect out if something goes wrong.  Training says you don’t fire the effect if there is a potential for something to go wrong, or someone is out of place. 

Two good CO2 extinguisher shots on that backdrop would have put it out almost instantly or suppressed it enough that the club could have been evacuated without the astounding loss of life that resulted.

Other deeply concerning things that have been mentioned.  No sprinklers.  This is just not good in the year 2003 for any commercial building, especially one that hosts many people in a crowded area.  No emergency lights?  Shoot, that’s just stupid.  Adding to those outrages, I’d bet their were probably only three exits in the whole place and one was most likely chained shut. 

Where the hell was the Fire Department inspection?  Fire Departments in most states and provinces have the authority to enter any public facility at any time to look for safety violations and to shut them down until things are fixed.  Expect to see Fire Departments across the continent step up their inspections of bars, night clubs, social clubs and party halls.  This is as it should be and any club owner who cries too much about ‘its costing me too much to put in those emergency lights’ should be invited to go into another line of business.  This is also why some cities have anti-rave ordinances.  Not for the drug use, really, but for the complete lack of any kind of safety for the patrons in the event of fire.

Damn shame those people in Rhode Island had to burn to death and those others in Chicago had to be trampled to death.  But if there is little or no inspection, or inspection without teeth, then there are always those who will cut corners to the point of the unimaginable happening in their clubs.