Forgive me, but he’s been pestering me to write some more since I’m up to my eyelids at work. Then I asked him what he wanted to write about.
Thanks lad for the bloggery keys again. Ise seen you’re up to yer arse in that computer stuff at work, so’s I figgered I’d step up like a friend and do one of the bloggerys for you.
Everybody what’s got an opinion and an arsehole says the same thing: It’s the Economy Stupid. Now I’ll tell you straight, she matters where you put the comma. If’n someone says “It’s the Economy (comma here) Stupid”, they be callin you out and your right snappy riposte would be to say “Learn how to punctuate, arsehole!” I’s expressing a preference for “It’s the Economy and she’s Pooched!” as theres less chance someone could mistake what you be sayin.
What I mean by Pooched is: In the Ditch. Upside Down, Gone Cattywampus. Taken a vacation to the Idiot Mansion. Dumber Than A Box of Hammers. Or to be impolite: Fooked.
Here’s what I got to say: There was a time when countries made stuff and sold it to other countries at a profit. That’s what you call bein in business. That lad Gupta what runs the Quicke down the ways sells milk and bread and smokes and about nine hundred other things. He puts a price tag on’em. Since Gupta’s a smart lad, the price tag he puts on the stuff is less than he pays to buy them from Quickie, or National Grocers, or where ever the hell he buys his stuff from. When he sells somethin, let’s say she’s a magazine, he makes 30 cents or a half-dollar. That’s whats called profit and that’s what Gupta’s in business for. Sell enough soda, magazines or bread and soon enough you’ve made a couple of bucks. From that couple of bucks, you can buy your own groceries for home, pay the rent, keep the lights on plus keep body and soul together. Gupta’s just an example here, a small one what I know about. Countries do the same thing.
Canada, for the longest time was known as “Hewers of Wood and Drawers of Water” What they mean was our country was where the Brits got the wood for the fleet, our wheat, and even back in the Voyeurs Day, beaver pelts, what got made into hats for all the swells in London. They’d send over a big sailin ship to Montreal or Quebec City and all the Voyeurs would sell their beaver pelts to the Hudson’s Bay Company, who would sell’em to the Brits, who would sail’em back to Britain, then sell’em again to a hatter who would make hats. Every step along the way, somebody make a couple of pences on each beaver. That, again is what you call business, or to go all political, capitalism.
Canada was where folks came to get our resources. We’d get a bit from diggin the stuff out of the ground, like coal, or cuttin up the trees, but eventually whatever we dug up or grew, would come back at us as something more expensive that somebody else, someplace else made into something.
We got a little smarter around the 50’s, when we started makin stuff, like the Avro Arrow, the St, Lawrence Seaway, or great whacks of electricity. We made it into somethin more useful and made more profit. Like televisions, there used to be a company called Electrohome down towards London, what made tv’s and stereos and radios. They build the cabinets, made the tubes, did the wiring and all the other things what go into a tv, then they sold them to people so’s they could watch the Leafs actually win a friggin game.
Electrohome has been gone for years, as well as Admiral and RCA. TV was invented on both side of the border, what with Reginald Fessenden here and Philo Farnsworth down the US, more or less inventin the whole thing. But we don’t make tv’s here any more. Nor does the US. People are watchin more tv than ever, but not on something made here by us.
Used to be Grand Rapids Michigan was the Office Equipment Capital of the World. My great uncle Duke used to drive truck, takin furniture grade veneer to Grand Rapids every day, for them to make into desks and bookcases. Later he took steel coil there to be stamped into filing cabinets, chairs and whatnot that was sold around the whole world. Today? About all you can get in Grand Rapids is cold. They don’t make things there anymore. Sure they’res jobs, if all you want to do is work at a department store, sellin stuff from somewhers else, to someone what also has a job at a restaurant that you go to once a week and leave a tip so’s in a couple of months time they’ve saved up enough to buy a clock radio from your store, what was made somewhere else.
All you see is a service sector economy, serving a service sector economy and nobody makes things or does things except what they’re told to do. It’s like a snake eatin its tail. Eventually the light comes on and we’ll figure out we’re chewin on our own arse.
Which comes back to why the economy is pooched. Like Gupta, we’ve got to make a profit on things, or we might as well close it up and stay home. The best way to make a profit on things is to make things better, or faster or with more nifty features on’em than anyone else and then sell’em for more than what it costs to make’em.
So’s this Alberta Oilsands thing got me thinkin. We got about the other half of the world’s oil there, but she’s gummed up in sand. We figured out how to get the sand out of the oil and now we’re talkin about sendin the oil down south on some pipeline they want to build to Texas, but Obama don’t want to let the pipeline go, as nobody has figured out if it’s a good thing for the environment. That’s fine, as we only got one environment and we should take care of it, but what we’re talkin about shipping out is the crude. Not the gasoline, Jet A, Sunoco 260 or stove oil. Just the friggin crude, like when we sent wheat and beavers to England and got back hats and bread at fifty seven times the price of what we got paid in the first place.
Screw that I say. We got the knowhow and the people to make that Oilsands crude oil into stuff. We can sell the finished product to whoever shows up at the door with the cash. If the Yanks want to pay top dollar, then we sell it to the Yanks. If the Chinese want to pay top dollar, then we’ll sell it to them too. If none of them want to pay top dollar, then screw them both and we’ll build our own pipeline to tube it to Winnipeg, Toronto, Montreal, Quebec City or Halifax. There’s folks in all the cities what would want a good payin job workin on the pipeline, workin in a refinery or workin movin it around. It’s our friggin oil and we should be makin a big buck on it what helps a lot of Canadians, not just some empty suit of clothes sittin in a boardroom in Houston. Eff that noise.
Besides, there’s lots of other stuff you make from oil. Like plastic pellets what they make into bags, or kids toys. Use our own friggin oil to make that stuff and sell it to everyone else. They need plastic bags in Ohio, and Ontario ain’t that far, so the bags would be cheaper than what someone could buy em for from China and everyone still makes a buck or two of profit. And there’s nothin wrong with profit. Ask Gupta. He’s makin a go of it.
There’s a whole other side to this makin a profit and that the politics of her. For instance, garlic. We grow garlic here in Ontario and it’s good stuff. I goes to the Loblaws and there’s Ontario Garlic, grown about fifty miles from the store. She’s $4 for six heads. Right next to it is some more garlic, $2 for six heads. Where’s she grown? It ain’t Ontario. Which tells me someone’s playin fast and loose with what they got on offer. Was that garlic grown on a field near Lambton Country, harvested by a family in the 519 and trucked for an hour or two to a terminal in Toronto? If it’s the Ontario stuff, it sure was.
If the garlic is from somewhere else here’s where the math falls over. They grew it on some field that used to be used for nuclear waste that the government gave them for free, along with the busload of political prisoners to plant and harvest the garlic, payin’em a dollar a month. Then the government pays the shipping from the other side of the world, on their own ships, then sells it to a broker for half of what they charge in the Loblaws. If you’re tellin me it costs a buck to grow and ship six heads of garlic from halfway around the world, then you’re either usin human slaves or you’ve found a way to break the rules of physics that none of us have ever found out about.
Or, your government is subsidizing you so much that you can afford to lose big money every time you plant some garlic. Where’d they get all that money from? The same holds true with shirts, or shrimp or electronics or furniture. Someone is playin fast and loose to put us out of business, so’s they can jack the prices up later. That’s one of the oldest tricks in the business book. Once you’re the only place to get something, you can charge the moon.
So’s maybe it’s time to stop bein cheap bastards. Buy the local stuff, what was made by local folks, without having guards keeping the pickers working at the end of a gun. Yes, she might cost a couple of bucks more, but instead of payin money to keep some government halfway around the world from takin over our economy, why not spend the extra deuce and keep a family in the 519 in business. At least I know the garlic from there isn’t going to be glowing at night.
That’s all I’se got to say. Make a buck, make it fair and make sure when you buy stuff, you buy from folks near you if you can.
RoadDave 
When The Going Gets Weird
Our esteemed pinch-hitter Mason Baveux has asked for the keys again to comment on the general weirdness that seems to have permeated Canada in the last few months. Mason?
It’s like you said Davy, she’s gone right screwy. My Canada, what we stand on guard for thee seems to have dropped off the conveyor belt of normal, into the rock tumbler of What the eff?
Luka Magnotta: If you’re south of the border, you’ve might of heard about our very own Canadian Monster. He’s the sick little jagoff what killed and then field dressed that student Jun Lin. Then this Magnotta mails body parts to a couple of schools in BC and the HQ of two of our major political parties up Davey’s way in Ottawa. Eventually the cops found the head and torso, so’s at least the family got a full set to bury.
Jesus lad, this is Canada. Drop the gloves or take a stick to his head, but killin the lad then runnin off to Canada Post is a bit much. Magnotta’s in the pokey right now awaitin trial as the newsies say. The trick cyclists are studyin Magnotta’s mind right now and I can save them a lot of time: He’s a crazy fuck. I don’t like my tax dollars goin to house that kind of crazy bastard in segregation. Put him in General Pop and the lads will take care of things for us in a week to ten days. Same with that Russell Williams and Paulie Bernardo.
Shoot’em up in Toronto. Them gangbangers are at it again in Hogtown. Last night off in Scarberia there was a big old picknic goin on when an animated discussion ensued. Two dead, 23 wounded in what they’re callin’ a hail of gunfire.
First off, no points for marksmanship ya arseholes. There was 200 or so folks at the BB and Q and ya managed to hit ten percent including an infant. If you gotta settle your beef with a weapon, learn how to use it first. Shootin up the whole neighbourhood proves you got no balls, no skills and no class.
I don’t give a gold plated tit tassel about what your beef is as it’s probly something retarded about one lad wearin an Oakland A’s cap instead of a Yankees cap on backwards or other such gang rubbish. Oh and “disrespectin” each other. Well here’s some more disrespectin’: You can’t shoot worth shit. None of you have the stones or the smarts to go toe to toe like a real Canadian Man would. Oh, that’s right, you’re still livin at home, bein suckled on Mommy’s teat, bein all butch, wavin’ a gun around. Friggin’ whinin’ little wipes.
I know a lad from the PPCLI who was so tough he was stabbed three times in Korea by a Chinee fightin in a trench, who didn’t even use his sidearm, except to pistol whip him with the butt end. Didn’t kill him, but it took the medicos a week to figure out where to put the feeding tube on the prisoner.
Tornado Warnings today: Well that’s your climate warmin for ya. We get no rain for a month, so’s everything’s drier than Sister Agnes’s twat then she starts blowin around in a twister. This ain’t Texas or Oklahoma and if Dorthy clicks her ruby heels together she sure ain’t goin to wind up in Winchester or Morrisburg. No word on the damage yet.
Brit Olys – I told you I was goin to roast their weenies when it came time for London to host the Olympics. Seems G4S was hired to provide the rent-a-cops for the London Olys in a couple of weeks. Turns out they couldn’t find more than a half-dozen, when they promised 10,400. Now the London Oly Committee has asked some 3,500 of the lads comin back from Afghanistan to delay their leave for a month so’s they can walk around and keep the peace.
Seems that G4S is goin to lose between $54 and $78 million dollars on the contract. Who they hell were they gettin to be security guards? Friggin Saudi Princes? Nick Buckles, what was the lad from G4S what said “Sorry about that” still has his job, but says he might be forced to quit. No shit Sherlock! Quit? If I were in charge of G4S I’d be walkin with a limp because one of my shoes were missing as it was up Nick Buckles arsehole after I fired him and threw him out the front door face first.
OK, that last one weren’t Canadian, but she’s still a symptom of Big Stupid goin on.
And Davey told me about one he’s goin through. Seems his nephew is gettin hitched, so’s he and the missus are flyin to Winnipeg for the do in Portage. Closest airport is Winnipeg, so’s they book them Reward Miles on the Aeroplan. Where’s their flight go? Ottawa to Montreal to Winnipeg. Jesus Katy that’s like flyin from New York to Los Angeles but goin through Greenland first. Seems that the Aeroplan doesn’t want you to actually use your Aeroplan miles up for things like, oh, I don’t know, airplane trips maybe?
Davey’s scared to book any more flights anywhere as they might have him routed via Frankfurt if he wants to fly to Seattle from home.
I got no answer for you, except she’s all gone stupid right now. The only solution I can come up with is to pop the top off another and try to beat the heat with the brew. Go Leafs!
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