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(I’ll tell you why I’ve been so late in posting in a few weeks.) 

There have been too many stories from the US political season to even try to keep up, what with Obama vs. Hillary, Johnny Mac settling in to the Republican deck chair, the Dems convention and the whole bucket of Canadian political manure.

On top of that, we’ve had a propane storage yard blow up in Toronto, an outbreak of foodborne Listeriosis in deli meat across Canada and the Olympic coverage.  One reaches a point where the outrages and examples of mindless stupidity are piled up at the keyboard five-deep and you can’t find your mouse to get started.

Here’s what we’ll do:  Mason Baveux will handle the Olympics, as he was determined to watch as much as he could, then go on a two week bender.  He’s out of detox now and will post this weekend with his wrap up.  Meanwhile, I get to make sense of Canadian and US politics. OK?  Hang in.

Since Christmas, two innocent bystanders have been hit by rounds and killed in Toronto.  Both men killed had nothing to do with the original discussion that had degraded to pulling iron and banging away.  The Mayor, David Miller, is understandably upset:  Handgun violence is something that is somewhat alien to Toronto, or Canada for that matter. 

We have a fix, that we have talked about before, which is called the "Double-Double" rule and it is time to remind the politicians and lawmakers about it.

Firearms:  You can have as many as you want, as long as they’re longer than 18 inches.  Have as many long rifles and shotguns as you want, as long as you have a locking, secure gun vault in your home, register the weapons and take a firearms safety course.  Take prudent care of them, transport them unloaded, ammunition separate from the weapon, breech open or bolt out.  No full-auto unless you’re a museum.  No issue there.

Firearms under 18 inches in length?  Not permitted.  End of sentence.  You can apply for a permit if you are a collector, but expect to be turned down unless you can demonstrate security of the weapons and that the weapons are legitimate collector pieces.  A 1911 pattern Colt from WWII would be fine, whereas a Glock G21 would not be considered a collector piece.  There might be the occasional exception, but it would consist of perhaps ten exceptions a year.

If you want to be a private collector of handguns, then you get to permanently disable the weapon by filling the end of the barrel with molten lead to block the barrel.  A trigger lock or breech lock would be mandatory on any ‘collector’ handgun that is currently legally owned, even after disabling the firearm.

The "Double-Double" part kicks in on the criminal and sentencing side.  If you are found with a firearm in your possession in the commission of a crime, your sentence doubles.

If you discharge the weapon, the sentence doubles again.

Or, succinctly, armed robbery:   What would be a 7 year sentence becomes 14 years for waving a gun around.  Let off one round, even accidentally, and it becomes 28 years.  No parole.  No mandatory release:  Twenty eight years in prison.

As for innocent bystanders?  Well, manslaughter usually convicts at 10 years, which just became 40 if done with a firearm under the "Double-Double".

Possession of an unregistered firearm under 18 inches in length, that has been fired at any time, would be 5 years, then under "Double-Double", instantly becomes 20 years.  Unless the barrel and breech are packed with Cosmoline and you’re on the way to the police to turn it in, the illegal firearm is considered to have been fired.

It would only take a few convictions to explain to the bad folks that very long prison time is the result of using any firearm less than 18 inches long.  It won’t stop the use of handguns, as professional criminals don’t care, but for those few occasions when someone merely stupid decides to escalate things, they might just decide to back off. 

As for possession of an illegal firearm?  It suddenly got very unattractive as you are looking at a solid 20 for having one to show to your buddies and make you think your dick is bigger than anyone else’s. 

Firearms less than 18 inches long, except under very specific circumstances, have no legitimate purposes in our society except to threaten or kill other humans.

We don’t need them.  We don’t want them.  Double-Double makes the users drop them. 

A few weeks ago a man, during an appearance by Hilary Clinton in Iowa, decided that showing up and yelling "Iron My Shirts!" would be an appropriate behavior.  Hilary, to her credit, laughed it off.  However, Christie Blatchford, in the Globe and Mail wrote about it with a new perspective, that I am going to paraphrase and use as a source.

Imagine this for a second:  Barak Obama on stage in Michigan during a primary appearance, doing his stump speech about Hope.  In the back of the hall someone yells:  "Stick to basketball!"  After the beating is stopped by the police, the remains of the shouter are given to the next of kin and the media starts a long discussion of the meaning of what was yelled and how the crowd reacted.

Continuing along Blatchford’s thinking, Hilary is going to lose because of her gender:  If she’s tough, she’s got no feelings:  An Ice Queen.  If she shows her feelings, then she’s weak, or overly emotional and not suitable to answer the red phone when the time comes. 

Some factoids for you:  51% of the population are female.  The vast majority of us were born of females, Dick Cheney being an exception.  (I want to see some kind of legal Certificate of Live Birth for Cheney and Keith Richards for that matter)

The only difference between males and females of this species, aside from the obvious parts-number discrepancies on the build list, are exactly none.  The rest is social conditioning and our propensity for letting the media make up our minds about things. 

The media punditry, of course, are all a-twitter about Hilary’s moment of emotional candour regarding the difficulty of campaigning for the Big Chair.  The whispered commentary being someone ’emotional’ is unsuitable for office, with access to the Big Red Button. 

Which means a pathological liar like Nixon was appropriate for office? 

Which means a barely literate, drunkard, frat-boy and known draft dodger was the right choice? 

The American media was all bent that JFK was a Catholic.  Who cares if JFK was a Catholic, or today, Mitt Romney, a Mormon?  It doesn’t matter.  John McCain is half deaf and probably has PTSD from his Viet Nam era captivity, but he’s running well for the office, in a doomed campaign.  Mike Huckabee is this hour’s flavour who will become Mike Who? shortly.  Then there is Barak Obama and John Edwards.  John Edwards can’t do it.  Barak Obama might.

Here’s the way it should play out.  Not the way it will, but the way it should:

Hilary should win the Democratic nomination.  Then, in a sudden outbreak of common sense, should ask Barak Obama to be her running mate.  The two will crush anyone the Republicans could put up, short of Jesus coming back and running on a Republican ticket with the exhumed remains of Herbert Hoover.

Hilary will get her two terms then another two terms for Barak Obama, as long as he doesn’t go native and become utterly corrupted by Washington.  If he’s smart, he’ll spend the time learning the ropes and building his profile slowly and competently.  Hilary will make the hard decisions needed in the next eight years and Obama will kick off another eight years of gradual economic recovery.

All of this based on what should happen.  Not what is going to happen.  At least until the American Voter tells the American Media to take a flying leap and actually votes for a woman, who despite your feelings regarding her, is actually the right person for the job.

Yes, I said Hilary is the right person for the job.  I don’t like it either, but Obama doesn’t have quite enough expertise yet.  Hilary does.  The Republicans have all jumped off the boat, knowing the economy under the watch of President JoJo The Idiot Boy has tanked. 

Done right, Hilary and Barak, can reign in the Military Industrial Complex that is selling America by the pound and transferring as many jobs as possible offshore in the name of ‘shareholder value’.  The Old White Men have nearly gutted the country.

Done wrong, whoever gets the Big Chair, will be the supervisor of the economic and social meltdown of America.

There are times when words fail.  At 12:30 this afternoon, our cherished dog, Ralph Alden passed away.  For those who met him and knew him, he was a noble dog, occasionally silly and always loving. 

He had been ill less than 24 hours, an undiagnosed tumour near his kidneys had progressed rapidly, robbing him of blood pressure and room for his lungs to work in his chest.  Rather than prolong his suffering, we knelt in the vet’s ICU, stroked his golden head and flanks one last time and said our thanks and our goodbyes.

As we read the 23rd Psalm over him, the injections to stop his beautiful heart were applied.  He passed away peacefully and without suffering, surrounded by his people.

If you have a moment today, would you mind saying a prayer to whatever deity you happen to have an affinity with?  Ralph Alden was a good dog.  That’s all that needs to be said.  God knows the rest of the story.  Thank you.

There have been a few news items in the past few days that have made me call "boolshiite" on them:  Here they are, in no particular order

By LARA JAKES JORDAN WASHINGTON (AP) – The Bush administration has agreed to shift course and let a secret but independent panel of federal judges oversee the government’s controversial domestic spying program.

The Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court will have final say in approving wiretaps on communications involving people with suspected terror links, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said Wednesday in a letter to the leaders of the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Since Jan. 10, when the court began overseeing the program, at least one request has been approved to monitor communications of a person believed to be linked to al-Qaida or an associated terror group.

In his letter to Sens. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., and Arlen Specter, R-Pa., Gonzales wrote that "any electronic surveillance that was occurring as part of the Terrorist Surveillance Program will now be conducted subject to the approval of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court."

The Bush administration secretly launched the Terrorist Surveillance Program in 2001 to monitor international phone calls and e-mails to or from the United States involving people suspected by the government of having terrorist links. Gonzales said Bush would not reauthorize the program.

This is like getting a hand-written thank-you note, after you’ve been gang-raped by bikers.  Nice to know that The Terror Troika (now that Runsfeld has gone civilian) of Cheney, Rove and Jo Jo The Idiot Boy have finally figured out where The U.S. Constitution is kept.

(CBC. CA)Royal Bank has changed its U.S. dollar account policy and will now let dual nationality Canadian customers open the accounts as long as they meet standard residency and other requirements.  Canada’s biggest bank issued what it called a clarification of its policies "due to confusion" surrounding the issue.

A brief statement from the bank said it asks for proof of citizenship and residency for any individual client wanting to open a U.S. dollar account. "With some exceptions, RBC will provide a U.S. dollar account to dual citizens of sanctioned countries as long as they meet our ‘know your client’ and ‘anti-money laundering’ requirements, which include proof of residency in Canada," the bank said.

An RBC spokesman in Montreal said the bank "just nuanced our position to a certain extent."

"So we have now a policy that states that we can open U.S. dollar accounts for our clients who are Canadian citizens and are not residing in their country of origin," Raymond Chouinard told CBC News.

He said the "change … will allow us to keep a larger number of accounts open."

On Tuesday, the Royal Bank caused a stir when it confirmed a Radio-Canada story that said it was denying U.S. dollar accounts to all Canadian customers who are also nationals of Iran, Iraq, Sudan, Cuba, North Korea or Myanmar.

Royal Bank vice-president David Moorcroft cited U.S. Treasury Department rules that he said had been tightened after the Sept. 11 attacks.

But spokespeople at several other Canadian banks were soon being quoted as saying their banks were not going as far as the Royal Bank and would not deny a U.S. dollar account to someone just because they had dual nationality with countries the U.S. has placed sanctions against.

The Royal Bank said it will apologize to anyone whose account was mistakenly closed.

Always nice to know that all American laws are immediately applied here in Canada, regardless to those pesky border, right Steve?  By the way, is the reverse true, dear Prime Minister?  Does Ohio have to recogize Quebec and write all their laws in English and French?  When do I get to deduct mortgage interest from my income and have to suffer by with a 23 percent decrease in Federal Income Tax.  As for RBC, well, they’re just looking out for their US business and customers can take the hindmost. 

By Liza Porteus  (Fox) Two Texas Border Patrol agents convicted of shooting a Mexican drug runner in the backside while on duty turned themselves in to U.S. Marshals Wednesday, and there’s still no word on whether President Bush will grant them a pardon.  Ignacio Ramos and Jose Alonso Compean began serving 11- and 12-year prison sentences, respectively, for the February 2005 non-fatal shooting of Osvaldo Aldrete Davila.

Several groups, including Friends of the Border Patrol, The Minutemen and Grassfire.org, have been trying through petitions to keep the agents out of prison — either by a motion to allow them to remain free on bond during an appeal or through a presidential pardon.  U.S. District Judge Kathleen Cardone denied a motion for the two ex-agents to remain free on bond until their appeals on Tuesday.

"This ruling by Judge Cardone is the most disgraceful act that I have ever heard of in the history of our great nation and both she and the prosecutors should be ashamed of themselves for taking the word of a drug smuggler, caught in the act, while ignoring the facts," Friends of the Border Patrol Chairman Andy Ramirez wrote in a statement. "Evidence that would have severely damaged the credibility of the known drug smuggler, and exonerated Compean & Ramos was sealed and suppressed and the attorneys were prevented from mounting a proper defense."  Ramirez said El Paso Border Patrol chiefs Robert Gilbert and Luis Barker and Robert Gilbert have hung their agents out to dry.

"I must remind the public that narcotic traffickers and human smugglers laugh at law enforcement as they know that the Johnny Sutton’s of DOJ will not prosecute them, and instead will prosecute officers who do their job and keep that poison off our streets and out of our schools, parks, and neighborhoods," Ramirez wrote.

I don’t know all the details of the case, but the smuggler, Davila, cut a helluva deal, for immunity so he could go back to smuggling and the two Border Patrol agents have been hung out to dry.  Even if the
two officers acted poorly and without reasonable cause, the worst they should get is dismissed.

The funny thing is, I’m not suprised.  If the US was serious about stopping the border incursions, then they could close it tight in a week.  Just like the Department of Homeland Paranoia isn’t interested in Security, the DOJ isn’t really interested in Justice.

So, to sum up:  The Spies now have Judicial Oversight for four years of uncontrolled invasion of your privacy of person. 

The Royal Bank of Canada wants your money, as long as you aren’t going to make things difficult for them in the US. 

All Border Patrol Officers should consider applying for a gig with Brown and Root, as I bet you a nickle and a Coke that the Border Patrol gets outsourced to private industry in the next two years.

All together now:  Boooool Shiiiiiite!

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It’s a dirty little secret the politicians share.  A shameful addiction that hundreds of celebrities share with politicians.  Even some software trainers have fallen under its’ spell.  The name of their hell is…

Purell.  There.  I’ve said it.  Hand Sanitizer.

The clear viscous liquid that addicts rub onto their hands has come under the light of publicity.  The whispered about backroom goo.  Known as ‘squirt’ or ‘glob’ and the addicts as ‘clean freaks’, ‘rubs’ or "Senator John McCain".  The squirt lifestyle has finally made it out of the green rooms and holding pens of pubic events in an article in the New York Times yesterday.

The list of hand sanitizer users is growing every day.  It is fearsome stuff, hooking users looking for a one time cleanup, into a degenerate life of furtively squirting the thick fluid onto their hands several times a day.  It is a sickness that some might briefly glimpse, but few understand, society shunning the glob users, choosing to overlook their fiendish search for another hit.

Perversely, those very people who see an addict squirting a dime sized dollop of Purell on their hands, then rubbing it into the skin, are the same people who minutes later, will be actually shaking hands with those piteous addicts.  It breaks your heart to see captains of industry and senior political figures surreptitiously rubbing their hands before meeting the pubic, knowing they are rubbing an addictive little drop of Purell into their pores.  Perhaps it is the rush of sneaking a rub in public.  Or knowing that your hands are protected, at least for a few moments, from rhinovirus, adenovirus and the hundreds of viruses that cause gastroenteritis.

The terrible addiction has spread throughout the ranks of politicians at every level.  From President JoJo The Idiot Boy, to your local School Trustee, you’ll see little bottles of Purell being passed back and forth before meeting the public.  At the highest levels, including Senator Barak Obama, Al Gore, and John McCain, all confessed users of squirt, there are those who won’t cross the line.  One stalwart is New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson.  In the NYTimes article he’s quoted as saying “I just won’t use the sanitizer,” he said. “I’ve been offered it, but I’ve turned it down."  Now that’s a man with character!

I know that the pervasive use of Purell is going to influence your vote in a few days.  Be it for local government in Ontario, or in the mid-terms in the US, make sure you ask the direct question of any candidate: 

"Do you now, or have you ever, used Purell Hand Sanitizer?" 

Then vote accordingly.  You know what to do.