Category Archives: Social Constructs

According to new reports now, the Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome outbreak in Toronto is back on the front burner.  What has been happening is this:  The Ontario Government is jiggering the way they report potential cases of SARS.  Some days they use the World Health Organization rules, other days the Center for Disease Control rules.  On different days still, they use the Texas Rule (Is it dead?  Yup, then ta hell with it”) of Reporting.

This is all just so much silliness.  SARS is confined to one hospital and a couple dozen patients, who are almost all healthcare workers.  Depending on whose reporting rules you use, having a head cold can count as a possible SARS infection. 

The prudent and sensible action is to quarantine those who exhibit symptoms.  The symptoms are:  Tiredness, dizziness, dry cough, low-grade fever, aches and pains, chills and congestion.  If this sounds like someone on Benadryl who is allergic to pollen, or the documented side effects of almost all prescriptions medication, then you are just as confused as we are.  The quarantine is simple:  Ten days. No contact.  If you don’t develop full-blown SARS, then you’re fine.

SARS can and does kill, essentially like Pneumonia, except the transmission carrier is not a Pneumococcal virus, but the Corona Virus.  Pneumonia is so common in hospitals that patients who don’t get post-operative Pneumonia are considered strange and unusual.  If you swabbed your hands right now and cultured the swabs, you would find Corona Virus growing like summer corn along with e.coli, salmonella and a host of other scary sounding bugs that could all, potentially, kill you. 

Did you know that you have close to 40 liters of Volatile Organic Compounds in your possession right now?  A known carcinogen, a known mutagen, highly toxic, explosive, highly flammable, this substance can cause brain damage or death if even small amounts are ingested?

On top of all that, it’s stored with little or no regard for general public safety, health risks or even good labeling.  People even store it in rusty, sometimes leaky, metal cans.  It’s all through the water supply and the food chain, poisoning untold numbers of children, seniors and pregnant women, causing potential birth defects, premature birth, skin rashes, burns, blindness, irreversible brain damage and deaths.

Where is the government in all of this, allowing people to have and store such potent, dangerous, chemistry in such an irresponsible, lackadaisical way?  We demand a thorough investigation!

It’s called Gasoline.  You have some in your car.

When you see a SARS story, do try to keep it in perspective.

If you want to scare yourself, read the Bill of Sale or Application for just about any major goods, products, credit card agreement, or even an airline ticket.  In tiny grey print on a light grey background you’ll see that the seller, or credit grantor has all the rights, including the right to tell you to go spoon a goose at their sole discretion.  Which is fine, as it is their condition of sale and we merrily sign up and carry on hoping that things all work out in the end.

When things don’t work out, as they sometimes do, they point to the fine print and then to the invisible “conditions” and policies that the company has put in place to prevent you from getting it fixed, replaced, refunded or worked upon.  I think it is time for all of us to put some conditions in place when dealing with companies. 

Herewith, my Conditions.  I’m contemplating printing out a very small copy and handing it to everyone I meet in the course of normal business, or even human contact.

Purchaser agrees that: We can change the conditions of this agreement at anytime without notice, including but not limited to policy, refunds, management, merchantability, response to questions, advocacy, medical information, privacy, protected information and any other information or thing that may be contained into or wrought into those devices, articles, systems, procedures or intellectual properties of us. 

Severance of one or more conditions will not render the entire agreement void. 

The agreement will be in force until We inform you of release of conditions by registered letter, verbal or telephone communication to the last known address of the Purchaser. 

We are entitled to collect such information as we require for performance of our agreement and you are required to provide this information in a timely manner in a format that we will specify.  Failure to provide information will result in penalties as described in our policies which are on file at 59 Ashpark Crescent, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada during normal business hours. 

You specifically agree to provide a photographic likeness, credit and comprehensive medical information that will become sole possession of the vendor for use at our discretion to describe, annotate and statistically derive management information for our use. 

Any material change to your information must be reported immediately to us, including but not limited to, income, health, healthcare provider, serious diseases as listed in Policy Appendix A, shirt or collar size, gender, hair colour or style, tobacco use, engagement in risk activities or driving abstract. 

Purchaser agrees that entering into communications with us will suffice as acceptance of all provisions of this agreement.  If the purchaser is not an agent of the company represented their acceptance of these terms will be considered acceptance by the company, their agents, heirs and assigns without restraint as if the company has signed the agreement.

Simply put, these Conditions, if you read through it, allows me to do a ton of things just like big companies do:

Telemarketers calling?  It is not our policy to answer questions over the telephone for security purposes.  If you wish to continue speaking with us, we require the following information.  Your name, address, telephone number, SSN or SIN account number and a completed credit report before we can speak with you. 

Credit Card Hawkers:  I’ll sign up, if your company provides me with a Dun and Bradstreet credit report so I can see if they are worthy of my membership.  We require a credit application from you, personally, for informational purposes to start the approval process.  You can’t or won’t do that?  I’m sorry, our conditions insist on it and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Charity Callers:  I’m sorry policy does not permit donations at this time. Thank you for calling.

Door to Door:  In order to listen to you, we require a completed application for communications before we can talk to you, including a non-disclosure agreement.

Car Salespersons:  Our policy insists that your company provide financial information before we consider buying your car.

Boss:  Under the terms of the non-disclosure agreement, I cannot discuss your statement without a release from the vendor according to our policy terms.

The whole idea is to turn that corporate pseudo-customer service babble against the purveyors of mouthcrap.  By politely answering their questions with policy statements you jam it back down their throats.  If they choose not to adhere to your “policy”, then you can turn them down, without guilt, or fear, or discomfort, as its “just policy” nothing personal.

The genesis of this was a quote from the actor and racer Paul Newman in an interview years ago.  PL was asked how he turns down all the offers to give speeches, interviews, commencement addresses, charity time and items for auction.  His quote, which stuck with me, is this: “It’s not something I (we) do” 

In a very succinct statement he has said “No” without entering into an argument and leaving no room for a comeback.  I’ve tried it a couple of times with telemarketers and it just leaves them speechless.  If they press, I just restate it.  It’s not something we do.

One persistent fellow asked me what I meant and I explained it politely, as Explaining myself to you is not something I do.  Thank you for calling.

Try it sometime.  Works like a charm.

The Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome outbreak is putting Canada on the front pages outside of Canada.  Not the way we want to be there, but hey, as long as they spell our name right, who cares?

SARS is a variation of the Corona Virus, which is the carrier for the common cold and causes an extreme form of sort-of pneumonia that fills your lungs with fluid and can, untreated, kill you.  The Corona Virus is as common as, well, the common cold.  It transmits, they think, via contact, coughing on people, sneezing in someone’s face, shaking hands, the usual contact kind of stuff.  This isn’t really new, as this is how the Common Cold is transmitted too.  The new part is the virulence of SARS.  It moves damn fast from person to person and is highly contagious.

The symptoms include a low-grade fever, sore muscles and headache.  Just like a cold, or feeling “punky” as my Father-In-Law called it.  Not really sick enough to keep you from going to work, but sick enough to feel off your game.

The cure is quarantine away from people for 10 days.  Fluids, Tylenol, rest and industrial strength hospital care if you develop a cough or trouble breathing.  As best as the experts can tell, quarantine keeps it from spreading.  Except the symptoms are so much like everything else, including the side effects of plenty of prescription medications, that people just ignore it and keep going.

My solution to SARS is simple.  Everyone is sent home for two weeks, except police, fire, water, hydro and medical workers.  You have to stay home.  Don’t go out.  Spend the day reading a book, or online, getting drunk, screwing around, playing video games, or just sitting in a corner weaving macramé owls.  Shut down the continent.  Nobody in the stores, shops, offices, worksites or farms.  Only hospitals can be open.  The rest of us have to play cards, copulate or have a two-week nap.  This would effectively break the SARS chain of transmission. 

It would also let the economy settle down for a bit, as everyone would have to buy supplies before the two-week rest.  Then, when the quarantine is over, the economy gets a jumpstart.  All the micromanagement of tiny little business minutiae would be recognized for what it is:  Bullshit.  Life will go on just fine.  The polloi will have a nice rest and maybe even reconnect with their family members over the crokinole board or cribbage. 

On second thought, reconnected families?  Perhaps there is a downside in this…

The statuary arts have been much improved in Baghdad today.  Most broadcasters carried, live, the scene from Fridos Square of the some Iraqi lads taking a whack at the statue of Saddam Hussein.  After some of US soldiers with a tank recovery vehicle showed up, the job got done nicely.

The downside was a soldier who put US colours on the statue for about 30 seconds.  This was just enough time for Arab media to have a shit fit worldwide and will be pointed at for years to come that the US were invaders, not liberators, Imperialist bastards, Palestine, yadda, yadda, oil prices, yadda, yadda, yadda.

The critical part of the tape, where the same soldier took down the US colours and put up a pre-Gulf War I Iraqi flag will be conveniently overlooked by those who have their own agenda to push.  That is the problem with live history:  It gets excerpted and edited to prove the point of the commentator.  Those who are deeply bent and ranting about the momentary lapse of taste should just take a Valium and look at the larger picture.

Fortunately, the US soldier who put the US Flag on the statue is going to be given a choice of punishment: 

1: Standing guard at Elmendorf AFB in Alaska for the next two years. 

2: Back to Washington to live with Ari Fleischer for six months.  Then, six months living with Victoria Clarke, Mistress Ilsa, She-Wolf of the Pentagon. 

I’m certain the soldier would prefer standing outdoors in Alaska in the winter.

With the statue down, there was one last telling clip.  Iraqis had snapped the head off the statue and were dragging it through the streets on a chain.  Every few feet someone would run up to wallop the bronze head with a shoe or a stick. 

If you don’t have a real head to parade through the streets, then the statue head will do.

The US put some rounds into the al-Jazeera office in Baghdad, killing a reporter. Then, they put a few rounds into another room at the Journalist Hotel, killing two cameramen, from Reuters and Spanish TV. 

The journalists that were killed were in a combat zone.  By definition of the Rules of War, journalists are off limits.  Knowing the Rules of Engagement, from a soldier’s point of view, ensures that you don’t fire at non-combatants, which includes Da’Press. 

The Press goes along with this, by not doing anything that looks aggressive.  They often drive white trucks or SUV’s and write “TV”or “Press” on the roof, hood and doors in black letters, usually with gaffer tape or camera tape.    They most often use blue police-colour body armour and purposely avoid wearing anything that looks like fatigues or camouflage clothing, trying to remain as obvious as possible to both sides. 

Part of weapons training for police and military is target recognition.  At a distance, a video cameraman, with a Sony Betacam on the shoulder, viewfinder up to his or her eye looks just like someone with a Rocket Propelled Grenade up to their eye, getting ready to fire. 

Soldiers and police are taught to look for the differences at a distance, in less than a second.  News cameras do not trail smoke and fire when they take pictures.  News camera crews try to be obvious and not pop up to surprise people.  They might even have a bright blue vest or body armour that says PRESS in big letters on the front.  These are the folks you do not shoot at.

Anyone else, might be fair game.  If the US military were in a pissy mood and wanted to teach al-Jazeera a lesson, there would not be an al-Jazeera office in Baghdad, just a smoking hole, or any living employees.  Would a trained, controlled soldier fire on a journalist?  It is eminently possible; especially if the soldier thought that fire was coming from the journalist or even if it was a blind-panic shot.  That can happen, just like fratricide and it is just as tragic. 

Being in a cross-fire can get you killed.  Rounds can, and do, ricochet.  As learned in WWII and Somalia, bullets tend to follow along walls and skipping bullets along the ground is a taught tactic with weapons. 

The tank round that got parked into the Reuters and Spanish TV people, I suspect, was not deliberate.  An accident; most certainly, a mis-identification, probably.  Tragic; very.  Deliberate fire; very, very doubtful.  An Iraqi RPG round done on purpose, or even accidentally?  More possible than deliberate fire from the tank, to my mind.

War is Heck.  Journalism in combat zones is not as safe as covering a story from Mahogany Ridge.  Mahogany Ridge?  Watch it on the TV in the hotel bar, the Mahogany Ridge, while you down another Mai Tai, if you can’t stand the risk.