Category Archives: News and politics

A Half Century of Stones


In the Day you were described by who you liked.  If you were a Beatles fan, then that’s what you were.  No other band existed on the planet.  If you liked the Dave Clark Five, you were a soiled orifice who didn’t get the Beatles.  Those who thought Herman’s Hermits were the nuts, were nuts, or you were your parents.  If your musical tastes ran to other less known acts, then you were merely a marginalized orifice, subject to loud guffaws and finger-pointing by your peers.

Then there were the Stones. 

Nobody sort of liked the Stones.  The Who were fine, the Kinks were acceptable, but the Stones?  Either you got it, 100%, or you were the kind of person whom, if you were on fire, Stones fans wouldn’t piss on to put out. 

It has been fifty years since their first gig in the UK and I can still remember a neighbour playing the grooves off High Tide and Green Grass when I was old enough to have my own taste in music around 1966  Then we discovered the earlier stuff on Decca, along with the writing credit of Nanker Phelge.  The Beatles?  Who?

Having seen the Stones, live, more than once, it is this author’s considered opinion that the title of Best Band Ever should go to the Stones.  Yes, now they only play huge arenas when they need to take a break from counting their money.  Mick didn’t just attend the London School of Economics; he paid attention too. 

But with the right eyes, Keith’s opening chops of “Start Me Up”, “Brown Sugar” “Street Fightin’ Man” or even Charlie’s cowbell on “Honky Tonk Women” can tear the brains out of 100,000 people at once.  We’ve seen it happen.

The Stones.  Best. Band. Ever.

Ernie Gone


Eventually all the really cool actors from your childhood die:  That’s just the way it is.  Ernest Borgnine passed away yesterday, taking Lt. Cmdr Quinton McHale with him.  Borgnine had some serious acting chops (Academy Award winner for “Marty” in 1955) and a filmography of unusual depth, including From Here to Eternity, Bad Day At Black Rock, Flight Of The Phoenix, The Wild Bunch, The Dirty Dozen, Ice Station Zebra and even The Poseidon Adventure. 

He was a working character actor, in the very best meaning of the term, on film and television, even as the voice of Mermaid Man on SpongeBob SquarePants, paired up again with Tim Conway, delighting another generation with his chops.  However it was McHale’s Navy that most folks my vintage remember.  Some of the folks with Borgnine on McHale were Tim Conway, Joe Flynn and Gavin McLeod, stellar character actors to a person.  The screwball comedy never set foot in the Pacific:  It was all shot backlot at Universal, with the exception of a few underway master shots.  You get bonus points if you remember the number of the PT boat without looking it up.

The funny thing is Ernest Borgnine actually was in the US Navy, and reupped in 1941, as a gunner on the USS Lamberton, in the Pacific theatre, before he took to acting. 

He was very much one of those few actors where you never saw the mechanism working.  Borgnine managed to inhabit the characters he played.  And he will be missed.  PT-73 has sailed. 

  

Closetry Capers and Media Matters


There is always an element of caution that has to be taken when it comes to expressions of human sexuality.  For some anything but matrimonial heterosexuality is so far removed from their norm that they can’t cope.  Other people have a different view. 

From this side of the screen we have a simple formula:  If the participants are of the age of majority and can actively consent, then we have no opinion.  That means no kids (age of majority) or animals (no active consent possible and no, that giraffe is not begging for it, put the ladder away) but the rest of it, is fair game on the spectrum of human sexual behaviour. 

There is one corollary to the formula:  Show some discretion please.  We don’t want to see you playing tonsil hockey with your significant other (or others, if that’s how you roll) in public.  Whatever your particular mode of enjoyment might be, recognize that others might not want to see it played out on the streets of the city.  Get a room. 

It is an uncomplicated moral view and one that is quite simple to live with, as we have for many years.  Notice there are no quotes from various religious documents of shaky provenance, or appeals from pamphleteers purporting to know what the various deities demand from us. 

I’ll let you in on a secret:  God does not give a damn what you get up to on Saturday night after a few drinks.  To quote Rabbi Hillel:  “What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow: this is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn”

Which brings us to Anderson Cooper opening the door on his particular orientation.  Good for him.  The same with various musical acts, television personalities, movie celebrities, or random citizens flinging open the doors, shutters, tent flaps and zippers to their particular proclivities.  Good for you, now can we move on to something interesting?  Like whoever is left in Greece next week, will they please turn off the lights when they leave.

We do know that if one applies the simple moral formula above, then an awful lot of the media coverage we see hourly becomes instantly irrelevant noise.  We don’t care if Jennifer Anniston is doing X or Y, or that Jwoww got a tattoo on a body part.  We can then see the incessant bleating of attention whores for what it is, incessant bleating and as worthy of coverage as the state of the ingrown hair I have on my right armpit.  Healing nicely, for those who need to know everything.

Too much of our media is preoccupied with utter and complete drivel to be of use to us anymore.  Which also explains why the majority of North American society are abandoning conventional media, meaning the newspaper, radio and television, as their source for information. 

With that declining (ok, plummeting) audience, goes the advertising dollar, to this hour’s flavour of pseudomedia, that tries desperately to convince itself that it is actually relevant to anyone except the stockholders and the developers who created it.  From that, we get even less news.

Maybe with a news person of reasonable chops, like Anderson Cooper, we can get over our preoccupation with such mind rotting banality and get back to work trying to figure out how we get here and where we need to go to fix things.   

Been a while, but…


To catch up.  I’ve been involved in a serious project at work that has taken all the brain cycles, which has meant a dramatic decline in the output of RoadDave.  For that I’m sorry, as I know several of you read it on a semi-regular basis, if only as a negative example.  Since the summer has arrived and things have settled down to a dull roar, we can actually take a few moments and post some new stuff.

First off, we’re all fine on the home front, just overworked and out of consecutive hours to engage in recreational writing.  Nothing tragic or deeply important, simply busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger.

Canada Day.  We decided that the presence of 125,000 close friends up on Parliament Hill wasn’t for us this year and perhaps just as well.  Around 9 pm or so, we were just starting to watch the broadcast coverage of The National Drunk from Parliament Hill when we heard some fireworks go off locally. 

This isn’t unusual, as we are but steps from a largish municipal park and green space.  The local testosterone monkeys always seem to have money to buy fireworks and let them off on any particular holiday, like Victoria Day, Canada Day or Diwali.  I was expecting some kind of spontaneous eruption, if only because Spain won the Cup too.  We’re used to the sound, more or less and not really afraid of them.  I held a Fireworks and Pyro certificate for a number of years and don’t mind it at all, truth be told.  There’s something comfy about the sound of an 8-inch three-break chrysanthemum shell launching four feet from your right hand that just feels good.  You feel it in your lungs and belly, that deep, satisfying ‘Whomp” sound, knowing the round is away safely and will momentarily become something beautiful in the night sky.

After a few gerbs and salutes I did hear a “Whomp” down deep and low, percussive and hard, that was emphatically not the kind of fireworks the unlicensed and uninsured consumer can buy.  Even bundling several charges together, you can’t get that sound with consumer pyro.

I got up, pulled on some clothing and went outside to see what was going on as I knew something wasn’t right.  Hearing sirens in the distance, I figured something was up and less than a minute later, a whole fire company of Ottawa Fire Service was screaming down our sleepy street.  The townhouse more or less across the street and four doors left was on fire, dense black smoke billowing out the back, three storeys in the air.

DSC_1210

Moments later, a neighbour came running.  He had seen the deck of the house on fire and had both called 911 and had stretched his garden hose over to the burning deck in an attempt to buy some time.  Then he saw the barbecue propane tank light off and he ran for it.  That was likely the “Whomp” I had heard and went to investigate.  At the same time, the Ottawa Fire Service were running hose and making their way into the scene.

DSC_1221The fire got into the common roof area while the aerial ladder kept pouring water, trying to limit the damage, as the fire service started their job.  Nobody was home and those directly adjacent were safely evacuated.  No lives were lost.  The Ottawa Fire Service did what they do, with professional skill.

What the episode taught me was something different, completely unrelated to fire.  We don’t know our neighbours any more and not just from a personal standpoint.  It is more global.  A small group of us that congregated in the driveway and watched the events unfold last night, barely know each other by name.  We semi-recognize each other, perhaps nodding in recognition at the mailbox or on the street.  Between us we exchanged more words in two hours than we had in the previous six years.  Why is this?

Upon reflection it is because the concept of ‘neighbour’ has become unused.  We go to work, come home and enter our personal space, interacting with our family units and the television.  We don’t talk over the back fence any more.  Our world has at the same time become huge and very tiny, limited to our friends online or the distant relative who sends us the lolcats email.  By the way, I don’t care to receive the Facebook update of “Uncle Bernard Violated a Goat in Farmville!” any more.  I wish Uncle Bernard would take up another hobby, like tying trout flies or trying to Bedazzle a moving freight train.

Neighbours are strange things, in that they are very much in your personal space, within 100 feet of where you hang your toothbrush, but not at all involved in your life, beyond the cursory nod of occasional acknowledgement.  One or two might know your name and that’s about where it ends. 

I find that unfortunate, as who else can you tap immediately to help you dig your car out of a snow bank, or grab the other end of a 2 x 12 you’re hauling around the house?  A good neighbour does stuff like that, almost unbidden, with no thought of recompense, aside from the occasional coffee, or a cold pint on a hot day.  Why?  Because that is what a good neighbour does. 

We were fortunate in that one of the folks on the street tried to be a good neighbour, putting the hose to a flaming wooden deck, to at least try to help, putting himself at risk to save the property of someone whom he didn’t know.  That’s as good a definition of a neighbour as you can get. 

Mason Baveux Explains–The Economy


Forgive me, but he’s been pestering me to write some more since I’m up to my eyelids at work.  Then I asked him what he wanted to write about.

Thanks lad for the bloggery keys again.  Ise seen you’re up to yer arse in that computer stuff at work, so’s I figgered I’d step up like a friend and do one of the bloggerys for you. 

Everybody what’s got an opinion and an arsehole says the same thing: It’s the Economy Stupid.  Now I’ll tell you straight, she matters where you put the comma.  If’n someone says “It’s the Economy (comma here) Stupid”, they be callin you out and your right snappy riposte would be to say “Learn how to punctuate, arsehole!”  I’s expressing a preference for “It’s the Economy and she’s Pooched!” as theres less chance someone could mistake what you be sayin. 

What I mean by Pooched is:  In the Ditch.  Upside Down, Gone Cattywampus.  Taken a vacation to the Idiot Mansion.  Dumber Than A Box of Hammers.  Or to be impolite:  Fooked.

Here’s what I got to say:  There was a time when countries made stuff and sold it to other countries at a profit.  That’s what you call bein in business.  That lad Gupta what runs the Quicke down the ways sells milk and bread and smokes and about nine hundred other things.  He puts a price tag on’em.  Since Gupta’s a smart lad, the price tag he puts on the stuff is less than he pays to buy them from Quickie, or National Grocers, or where ever the hell he buys his stuff from.  When he sells somethin, let’s say she’s a magazine, he makes 30 cents or a half-dollar.  That’s whats called profit and that’s what Gupta’s in business for.  Sell enough soda, magazines or bread and soon enough you’ve made a couple of bucks.  From that couple of bucks, you can buy your own groceries for home, pay the rent, keep the lights on plus keep body and soul together.  Gupta’s just an example here, a small one what I know about.  Countries do the same thing. 

Canada, for the longest time was known as “Hewers of Wood and Drawers of Water”  What they mean was our country was where the Brits got the wood for the fleet, our wheat, and even back in the Voyeurs Day, beaver pelts, what got made into hats for all the swells in London.  They’d send over a big sailin ship to Montreal or Quebec City and all the Voyeurs would sell their beaver pelts to the Hudson’s Bay Company, who would sell’em to the Brits, who would sail’em back to Britain, then sell’em again to a hatter who would make hats.  Every step along the way, somebody make a couple of pences on each beaver.  That, again is what you call business, or to go all political, capitalism. 

Canada was where folks came to get our resources.  We’d get a bit from diggin the stuff out of the ground, like coal, or cuttin up the trees, but eventually whatever we dug up or grew, would come back at us as something more expensive that somebody else, someplace else made into something. 

We got a little smarter around the 50’s, when we started makin stuff, like the Avro Arrow, the St, Lawrence Seaway, or great whacks of electricity.  We made it into somethin more useful and made more profit.  Like televisions, there used to be a company called Electrohome down towards London, what made tv’s and stereos and radios.  They build the cabinets, made the tubes, did the wiring and all the other things what go into a tv, then they sold them to people so’s they could watch the Leafs actually win a friggin game. 

Electrohome has been gone for years, as well as Admiral and RCA.  TV was invented on both side of the border, what with Reginald Fessenden here and Philo Farnsworth down the US, more or less inventin the whole thing.  But we don’t make tv’s here any more.  Nor does the US.  People are watchin more tv than ever, but not on something made here by us.

Used to be Grand Rapids Michigan was the Office Equipment Capital of the World.  My great uncle Duke used to drive truck, takin furniture grade veneer to Grand Rapids every day, for them to make into desks and bookcases.  Later he took steel coil there to be stamped into filing cabinets, chairs and whatnot that was sold around the whole world.  Today?  About all you can get in Grand Rapids is cold.  They don’t make things there anymore.  Sure they’res jobs, if all you want to do is work at a department store, sellin stuff from somewhers else, to someone what also has a job at a restaurant that you go to once a week and leave a tip so’s in a couple of months time they’ve saved up enough to buy a clock radio from your store, what was made somewhere else. 

All you see is a service sector economy, serving a service sector economy and nobody makes things or does things except what they’re told to do.  It’s like a snake eatin its tail.  Eventually the light comes on and we’ll figure out we’re chewin on our own arse.

Which comes back to why the economy is pooched.  Like Gupta, we’ve got to make a profit on things, or we might as well close it up and stay home.  The best way to make a profit on things is to make things better, or faster or with more nifty features on’em than anyone else and then sell’em for more than what it costs to make’em.

So’s this Alberta Oilsands thing got me thinkin.  We got about the other half of the world’s oil there, but she’s gummed up in sand.  We figured out how to get the sand out of the oil and now we’re talkin about sendin the oil down south on some pipeline they want to build to Texas, but Obama don’t want to let the pipeline go, as nobody has figured out if it’s a good thing for the environment.  That’s fine, as we only got one environment and we should take care of it, but what we’re talkin about shipping out is the crude.  Not the gasoline, Jet A, Sunoco 260 or stove oil.  Just the friggin crude, like when we sent wheat and beavers to England and got back hats and bread at fifty seven times the price of what we got paid in the first place. 

Screw that I say.  We got the knowhow and the people to make that Oilsands crude oil into stuff.  We can sell the finished product to whoever shows up at the door with the cash.  If the Yanks want to pay top dollar, then we sell it to the Yanks.  If the Chinese want to pay top dollar, then we’ll sell it to them too.  If none of them want to pay top dollar, then screw them both and we’ll build our own pipeline to tube it to Winnipeg, Toronto, Montreal, Quebec City or Halifax.  There’s folks in all the cities what would want a good payin job workin on the pipeline, workin in a refinery or workin movin it around.  It’s our friggin oil and we should be makin a big buck on it what helps a lot of Canadians, not just some empty suit of clothes sittin in a boardroom in Houston.  Eff that noise.

Besides, there’s lots of other stuff you make from oil.  Like plastic pellets what they make into bags, or kids toys.  Use our own friggin oil to make that stuff and sell it to everyone else.  They need plastic bags in Ohio, and Ontario ain’t that far, so the bags would be cheaper than what someone could buy em for from China and everyone still makes a buck or two of profit.  And there’s nothin wrong with profit.  Ask Gupta.  He’s makin a go of it.

There’s a whole other side to this makin a profit and that the politics of her.  For instance, garlic.  We grow garlic here in Ontario and it’s good stuff.  I goes to the Loblaws and there’s Ontario Garlic, grown about fifty miles from the store.  She’s $4 for six heads.  Right next to it is some more garlic, $2 for six heads.  Where’s she grown?  It ain’t Ontario.  Which tells me someone’s playin fast and loose with what they got on offer.  Was that garlic grown on a field near Lambton Country, harvested by a family in the 519 and trucked for an hour or two to a terminal in Toronto?  If it’s the Ontario stuff, it sure was.

If the garlic is from somewhere else here’s where the math falls over.  They grew it on some field that used to be used for nuclear waste that the government gave them for free, along with the busload of political prisoners to plant and harvest the garlic, payin’em a dollar a month.  Then the government pays the shipping from the other side of the world, on their own ships, then sells it to a broker for half of what they charge in the Loblaws.  If you’re tellin me it costs a buck to grow and ship six heads of garlic from halfway around the world, then you’re either usin human slaves or you’ve found a way to break the rules of physics that none of us have ever found out about.

Or, your government is subsidizing you so much that you can afford to lose big money every time you plant some garlic.  Where’d they get all that money from?  The same holds true with shirts, or shrimp or electronics or furniture.  Someone is playin fast and loose to put us out of business, so’s they can jack the prices up later.  That’s one of the oldest tricks in the business book.  Once you’re the only place to get something, you can charge the moon. 

So’s maybe it’s time to stop bein cheap bastards.  Buy the local stuff, what was made by local folks, without having guards keeping the pickers working at the end of a gun.  Yes, she might cost a couple of bucks more, but instead of payin money to keep some government halfway around the world from takin over our economy, why not spend the extra deuce and keep a family in the 519 in business.  At least I know the garlic from there isn’t going to be glowing at night.

That’s all I’se got to say.  Make a buck, make it fair and make sure when you buy stuff, you buy from folks near you if you can.

 

Catching Up


There are times when life intrudes.  Right now, what with work and the general winter hibernation period, we’ve been spending all the cycles trying to keep on top of the other things in life, aside from RoadDave.  But, we have had a chance to catch our breath and attack the keyboard:

Whitney Houston passing was sad and distressing, not just because she was relatively young, at 48, but more for the underlying reasons.  Those will eventually come out, but one can make educated guesses.  Fame is a killer, pure and simple. 

Mitt or Newt?  We can’t actually believe the number of news cycles being devoted to those miscreants as well as the hangers-on.  Rick, Rick, Harold and the four or five other meat puppets who ‘threw their hat into the ring’ for the Republicans.  Newt shouldn’t be allowed to run for any actual political office beyond “County Retardate ”  He makes Nixon look honourable.  Willard (Mitt) Romney has been taking personality suppressants for so long that one longs for another Ed Muskie or Tom Eagleton to inject some excitement into the campaign.  Obama might be a disappointment, but the alternatives from the Republican Party are causing the stock price of Tena to increase ten-fold as reporters stock up on absorbent undergarments to preclude evidence of pissing themselves laughing.

The Euro Zone Debt:  Greece has fallen and can’t get up.  The last person to leave Hungary has promised to turn off the lights and lock the door, while Italy has taken a sixteen week government subsidized vacation to Spain.  That leaves France and Germany as the Bank of Last Resort for the rest of the EU.  The math isn’t working anymore but nobody has the stones to say “Screw it, we’re done.”  That would mean a number of banks in the EU would have their stock reduced to cat box filler status.  That’s a problem for Bankers and Stock Thieves, not the rest of us.    

Winter:  It’s been wobbly.  Vicious cold, followed by a thaw cycle.  Roads and sidewalks are sheets of glare ice that salt can’t melt and sand can’t penetrate.  The only folks happy about that are orthopaedic surgeons who have to reassemble the hips, knees, elbows and arms of those who have gone for a splat.  Right now, the only safe place is bed, under a blanket.

Middle East:  Syria is getting more YouTube coverage than anyone else, except piano-playing Lolcats, as the government puts the boots to the citizens.  Bashar (Bobby) Asad isn’t too keen to give up the usual trappings of despotic power and figures that tanks firing AP rounds at citizens armed with cardboard posters is fair game.  Meanwhile Egypt, the Arab Spring poster child, hasn’t figured out how to employ their citizens, or get the economy out of the toilet.  Hey, why not trying making things that other people want to buy, then selling it to them for a profit? 

Energy Prices.  Obama cans the KeystoneXL pipeline from the Canadian oilsands;  we’re happy about that and not for environmental reasons.  For four hundred years Canada has cut down the trees or dug out the ore to have it sold back to us later.  We say we’ll get the oil out of the sand, turn it into gasoline and sell you the finished product at a merely grotesque profit.  Pulling stuff out of the ground does nothing for our economy and if China is willing to pay more than the US, then we’ll sell it to the highest bidder as a finished product.  That’s what the free market is all about baby.

Stephen Hawking Is Very Smart


There are brains out there with some mighty powers.  Stephen Hawking comes to mind right off the bat.  Yes, that Stephen Hawking, the physicist whose work on black holes has led to an entire branch of theoretical physics devoted to understanding the singularity called the Big Bang that created our universe. 

If you want to make your brain throb, trying reading A Brief History of Time, his most approachable work that seeks to explain how looking backwards in time allows us to look forward to the moment when our universe will cease to exist. 

According to the New Scientist, in an interview last week, Hawking is looking at the Large Hadron Collider at CERN as the potential source of supersymmetric particles, specifically, the Higgs boson, that could potentially support the 11-dimension version of string theory. 

However, buried in the article, ostensibly on the occasion of his 70th birthday on Sunday, is a more telling quote that shows exactly how smart Stephen Hawking truly is.  When asked, “What do you think about most during the day?”, he responded:  “Women.  They are a complete mystery.”

Amen Brother.  Amen.

Andy Rooney– The Last Real Reporter?


Most of us know Andy Rooney from his endpieces on 60 Minutes, CBS’s long-running news show on Sunday nights.  Rooney would expound on some topic that tweaked him that week, be it canned goods, doors or politics.  On occasion he crossed the line and got his butt suspended, but overall, he tried to bring some kind of enlightenment to the world around us. 

Rooney was one of the first six WWII correspondents who flew with the Eighth Air Force on their second bombing run over Germany in 1943.  He was also one of the first journos to visit a concentration camp during the invasion of Germany, as well as being one of the first to enter Paris during the liberation of 1944.  Like Walter Cronkite, or Harry Reasoner, he was a reporter, who went places and told the story of what he found, trying to put things in perspective for us regular folks.

Which leads us to the question; who does that now?  Where are the old school reporters who take the time to investigate, think, then present?  As best as can be determined, Rooney was the last of them who had legitimate journalistic chops.  Today’s crop of talking heads are nothing more than meat puppets whose sole existence depends on someone else putting words in their mouths, using the IFB line to make their jaws move and their brows furrow at appropriate times. 

Yes, they can get their approximate facts somewhere near truthiness, but the talking heads are unwilling to give us perspective.  As an exercise this morning, we watched three news networks cover the same story:  Greece political instability as regards the European Common Market. 

The story has a number of facets:  First, if Greece pulls out the EU and returns to the drachma, then a likely result would be the bankrupting of just about every business in Greece as well as most levels of government.  Business loans were done in Euros, not drachmas, so every loan would have to be recalculated on how many drachmas to the Euro?  Nobody knows, but you can be assured it won’t the favourable to the business that took out the loan.  Banks could rightly claim their loans are now due and payable.  Greece doesn’t have that kind of cash sitting around loose, be it in dollars, drachmas or dinars.  On paper Greece is already upside down, so pulling out of the EU would accelerate the process. 

Secondly, if Greece does take a fiscal leap into the unknown, what happens to the EU?  Italy is borrowing money at payday loan rates to stay afloat.  Rumour has it that they’ve already sold Milan and Turin to Rick Harrison of Pawn Stars.  Italian PM Berlusconi only got $2,500 for Milan and $2,200 for Turin.  Chumlee is going to be mayor of Milan and The Old Man is going to run Turin in a future episode. 

Would Germany and France, the two big wallets of the EU put up with Greece and then Italy going under?  Or, would Merkel and Sarkozy toss everyone under the bus with a hearty “Thanks for playing European Economic Union:  We gone!” 

That leaves most of the banks in the world holding big bags of worthless debt that they can’t recover and can’t write off because the world banking industry doesn’t have that kind of money either.  It would make the Great Depression look like you inadvertently blue-boxed an empty stubby, instead of taking it back to the Beer Store for the 5 cent refund.  Think Weimar Republic kind of global inflation.   

But the story on all three news outlets covers none of this.  There isn’t even a hint that the EU is in deep trouble.  All we see is the same repeated 45 second clip of the Greek parliament voting to create a new coalition party under Papandreou and applauding.  There’s no context, no appreciation of how far-reaching these problems could be and no sense of the future impact of Greece going under.  Just the same clip, over and over again.

He may have been crusty, a curmudgeon and quite possibly out of touch, but Andy Rooney would have made sure we understood that the stories we face today are important and will have an effect on our lives to come.   

Mason Baveux and Libya


Since I’m up to my eyelids in work, I gave our esteemed pinch-hitter Mason Baveux the password.  He’s full of thoughts on the Arab Spring, Moammar Gadhafi and what democracy means. 

Thanks for the keys to the bloggery again lad.  Hope you had a good summer, as I found out that the price of Laker is now at the lowest she’s ever been, which is stretchin the disability dollar quite nicely thanks. How was August anyways, as I don’t remember? 

Dave wants me to be writin on the Arab Spring in the Fall, which makes no sense to me.  Fall is the same everywhere, what with the leaves and the rain.  Springtime is when you smell the dogshit thawin out on the path and the Leafs are on the golf course. 

So’s I looked her up on the Goggles.  What he’s meanin is all the revoltin goin about in the Arab countries.  Like Egypt, what tossed Hosme Moobarack onto the shitcan of history.  But like they say in the infomercials, “Wait there’s more!”  They got all revoltin in Tunisia, put in a new President of Tuna, took over Libya and to quote up that Wikitikitavi-pedia, had some civil uprisings in Syria, Yemen, Bahrain, Jordan, Morocco and Onan as well.  Although I think the Onan uprisings were just spillin’ the seeds of revolution, instead of bein in right up to the bristles of revoltin.

Yer gotta ask yerself, what are they revolutin for?  Freedom for one, and a chance to not starve to death for the other, while the dictator and his arse buddies swan about in a limousine, eatin grapes from the creamy thighs of one of the 70 virgins they keep on staff as tables.  Folks what have full bellies tend not to get all revolutionary minded up on their back legs with flags and guns.  Hungry folks can only be held down by a big ass army whose armed to the tits.  Ask Uncle Joe Stalin about that one when the Russki wheat crop took a crap, in a bad way afore the sequel to World War I.  But as Uncle Joe found out, big armies cost big money.   

Now, as for freedom, well, the Arab Springers sort of got it partially right.  Being as I’m Canadian and rightly proud of it, I get to do damn near anything I want, as long as I got the money, the time and the inclination.  If all I want to do is collect plates and show’em off at a fall fair, then I can give’r as long as I want, or until some jackoff with a ball-peen hammer takes a disliking to me. 

I can take my empties back to the Beer Store, as free as you choose, without worrying some cop is going to hijack me, steal my empties, or rob me on the way there, or back.  I can have waffles for dinner if I choose and don’t have to use margarine on them.  I could use butter and lots of it. 

The Arab Springs want some of that.  Maybe not the waffles, but the high concept of bein’ safe in their persons and possessions.  They want the right to be able to choose stuff, good or bad.  If they do want waffles, I can probably email off the recipe, if someone were to tell me where to send’er.  They’ll have to get their own maple syrup though.  I don’t think they’s got maple trees in Arabia, but I bet waffles with date juice would be tasty.   

(Davey said I have to use the CP spelling here.  What the railroad has to do with spelling, I don’t know) Let’s talk about Moammar Gadhafi.  He’s deader than the Leafs chances at the playoffs and it’s only the first week of the season.  Ol’ Moe ran Libya for 42 years like the usual crazy as a shithouse rat despot, with the usual killin’, torture and terrorism.  He wound up on the YouToobes gettin slung across the hood of a half-ton, alive, then moments later, his heart stopped beating when some lad put a couple of rounds through his head.  So’s technically, he died of a heart attack.  Good friggin’ riddance.  The World Court in the Hague wanted to try Moammar’s ass for terrorism, thievery, crimes against Humans and general douchery, but the revolutionaries sort of beat the World Court to the punch.  Just as well, as they saved a couple of million dollars in lawyers fees, trial judges and hotels. 

The question what I get stuck on is like this:  This whole Arab Springin’ is like a dog whats chasing a car.  They want that freedom and democracy and are willin to stand up to get it.  Now, what happens when you get it? 

If that dog does catch the car, he can’t drive it, he can’t reach the pedals, he can’t see out the mirror and he probably can’t even figure out where to put the gas in.  So’s the dog has got exactly what?  He’s better off because he’s got a place that smells like a stale, sweaty arse and is out of the rain?  Not much of a big payday there. 

Which is where my alnalogy leads me:  What’s the Arab Springers goin’ to get out the other side?  Jeeze, it makes the plate in my head throb just tryin to ponder the possibilities.  You could have a couple of countries decided to go all theocratic and reset the calendar to 1345 AD, makin the internweb illegal and not drawing to the house in the final end, punishable by stoning?  That’s not right.  Nor does puttin another dicktater on the chair.  Lookit Africa for how well that works out what with the tribal wars, starvation and mass murder passin for a country or five on the Dark Continent.  

Maybe, I’m sayin, they need a bit of time.  South Africa had a good idea with their Truth and Reconcilliation Commissions goin about tellin the whole story and makin sure everybody was on the same page.  Yes, they made a few mistakes and sometimes it just resulted in the Comission sayin  “Sorry. She’s fooked and we’ll fix er up, but not today.”

That’s about as close as we’ll get’er this year, even though it’s Fall and the Arab Spring is still goin’.  So’s, as I say every year at this time:  Go Leafs!

Occupy For A New Idea


(Ed. Note:  Sorry we haven’t written earlier, sometimes work intrudes on the spare time.  We’ll be better about that whole work-life balance thing.)

Around the world, various cities have seen the rising up of a new type of protest:  The Occupy Protest.  Generally peaceful, the Occupy movement is, as best we can tell, a loosely knit grouping of various groups with an aim of raising some ruckus regarding financial inequality globally.  Since these are loosely knit groups, there tends to be side protests regarding globalization, environmental issues, human rights, political restructuring, hockey violence, peanut allergies, democratization of Syria and the repeal of Daylight Savings Time.

This isn’t to say that the wider objectives are not sensible.  The rich are getting richer while the poor and middle-class are heading over the cliff to be dashed on the rocks below.  That is a given, in that we’re building a societal iceberg:  If you’re rich enough, economic woes don’t affect you much.  The rest of us can lose our incomes on the capricious whim of some investment arbitrageur in Belgium that decides our pensions are too expensive for the company, or that our national currency is overvalued. 

We’ve written before about the global economic system.  It’s pooched.  The whole investment industry is built on insider trading, which is technically illegal, but goes on every hour of the market day.  Simple proof?  What is a “whispered” number?  It is a stock analyst and/or corporate chieftain’s informal assessment of how well or how poorly a company will do this quarter, released before the actual legal reporting.  If a stock makes its whispered number (or street number or cred number), then the analyst looks like he or she has the inside track, or the CEO has already seen the books and wants to pump the stock price.

Research In Motion, the Blackberry folks, took a beating over the past week. Their email and messaging system took a Cleveland steamer because someone didn’t test a patch applied to their servers, which made the system puke, worldwide, for three days. What happened to their stock price? 

According to the capitalist theory, if a company does something dumb, their share price should go down to reflect their dumbness. In reality, what happens is that bottom feeder brokers see a company in trouble, (Their products suck today) they buy up a lot of shares in the hopes that when RIM fixes their little problem, the share price would jump a few bucks on good news and the ambulance chasers would make some money.

Simultaneously other folks look at RIM, see a network outage, figure the entire company is teetering on the verge of cratering and sell everything they’ve got in RIM to the ambulance chasers.

That causes “action” in the stock, while another subset of buyers come in to buy any busy stock, the thought being someone knows something, (why else would there be so much action?) and if they have a position in an active company, they might make some money either buying or selling. Then the folks who bet against any trend step in and sell off or buy up.  More action, more speculation on nothing more than graphs and a network outage.

To close the circle, RIM was trading around $22 a share before their network freckled the bowl. They’re now trading at $24 (and were at nearly $26 during the outage) give or take, meaning they were rewarded for being stupid. A complete abnegation of the theory, almost all attributable to stock churn for no good reason other than a perception that on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of last week, RIM sucked.

Essentially, the whole system is based on rumours, insider knowledge and speculation on speculation, with a fine mist of hedging sprayed on top.  The whole game isn’t set up to invest in businesses and countries:  It’s set up to churn stocks, trading as much as possible, as many times as possible, on the slightest tick of valuation change.  The only folks who make money on this kind of millisecond madness are the stock brokers.  They always get their commission, good news, bad news, rumours, fear-mongering, hemlines, or sun spots.  Funny that…

In the ancient days of a dozen years ago, one bought stocks because one wanted to invest in a company for the long term, knowing that over the expected ups and downs, the business you were investing in would improve, making you money.  Timelines were measured in months and years.  Buying HP, GM or GE meant that you had some reasonable assurance that over the long term you would make some reasonable coin and could retire in relative comfort.

Now, trading is almost fully algorithmically derived, automated and based on millisecond clock ticks.  This is not some pit man signalling he wants to buy 1000 futures on Frozen Concentrated Orange Juice (FCOJ) and another pit man taking the order.  Trading has become well-written sets of computerized trading rules that the Big Boys use to simultaneously buy, hedge and sell their holdings several times a second.      

We have a simple suggestion to reform a lot of the investment industry.  A 24-hour hold on any transaction:  You can’t buy or sell any instrument more than once in any given 24 hour span. 

This puts an instantaneous end to churning stocks by the millisecond, causing prices to wobble erratically.  A company can know, at least for 24 hours, what they’re worth in the opinion of ‘the stock market’ and plan accordingly. 

A second benefit of the 24-hour rule would be that stock brokers would have to actually have knowledge and business acumen making recommendations on tangible facts of a substantive nature.  They can’t churn their bouncing dead cats on whispers and rumours.

As for the Occupy folks?  Agreed, the system is rigged.  Now, put on your thinking toques and come up with an alternative to capitalism that works for the majority of humankind. 

Just remember that in Capitalism, Man exploits Man.  In Socialism, the Reverse is True.