Category Archives: News and politics

According to Statistics Canada, the homicide rate in Canada popped up to 2.04 per 100,000 people in 2005.  The rolling average for the past 40 years is 2.17 homicides per 100,000, so we’re lower than the average.  This doesn’t sound like many, but there was a troubling factoid buried in the data:  222 of the 658 murders in Canada in 2005 were committed with firearms.

(I have fired a number of weapons in my time.  I learned how to handle weapons safely at a young age.  I have hunted quail, partridge and deer, so I"m not some anti-gun nut.  Relax, OK?)

Canada has always had fairly sensible firearms laws.  You can have as many long guns as you want, as long as you register them, take and pass a firearms safety course and store the weapons in a locked firearms safe in your home.  Firearms under 18 inches long?  Generally, forget about it.  There is a process for target pistol shooters, but be assured it is complex, involves an intense background check and stringent rules for transport, storage and registration.        

Weapons are normal in the countryside to dispose of varmints and, of course, for hunting.  In parts of the country, Yellowknife, Churchill and some parts of Algonquin Park, going into the wilderness without a weapon is very stupid.  Bears, notably the black, grizzly and polar varieties look upon humans in a sleeping bag or tent as a tasty snack with a pretty wrapper, at certain times of the year. 

In Toronto, where I live, I have not seen bears rambling around loose.  Or deer, moose, partridge, quail, or ducks.  Which explains why there isn’t much hunting in this city of 4 million people.  But there are firearm homicides. 

2005 was called the Year of the Gun in Toronto, as there were several high-profile handgun murders that peaked with the Boxing Day murder of Jane Creba downtown on Yonge Street as two gangs shot at each other.  Jane Creba was an innocent bystander who was killed with a stray shot.

Today, the gun homicide rate in Toronto is down from 2005, but the mere fact that handguns are being used, is the troubling part.  Handguns, being by definition under 18-inches long, have nothing whatsoever to do with hunting, except hunting humans.  Since responsible firearms owners are not the problem, it is the illegal firearms owners we want to discourage.

I think I might have a solution.  It is called the Double-Double.  A double-double is two cream and two sugar, which is coffee and donut shop shorthand at Tim Horton’s.

As the law is currently written, no handguns are allowed.  No change there.  Convicted of a crime?  The usual sentencing rules apply.  Let’s say it was break and enter and theft over $200.  Seven to ten years is around normal.  Then you apply the double-double rule after the conviction, as part of the sentencing. 

If you are caught with a firearm during commission of the crime?  Double it.  If you discharge the firearm during commission of the crime?  Double it again.  A seven year stretch now becomes a 28 year stretch.  As an added disincentive, double-double removes all parole:  The guilty party serves the full time.

When it comes to gang-bangers, the usual conviction is attempted manslaughter.  Five to fifteen is the sentencing norm.  Perpetrated with a firearm that was discharged during the incident?  It could be as much as 45 years or as little as 15, but still, no parole.

After one or two convictions like that, the message will be sent to the gang-bangers:  No guns allowed.  Settle whatever the beef is with fists, boots, knives, bats, chains or stern letters to the Editor.

I’m perfectly willing to let judges have some leeway here as there will always be extenuating circumstances, but these guidelines should be applied more often than not.  I’m defining ‘more often’ as 98% of the time.

As for the rest of the legal firearm owners in Canada?  Nothing changes.  You can hunt, shoot targets, skeet shoot or just plink at bottles for recreation.  Enjoy your firearms as long as you have a Firearms Acquisition Certificate, have taken and passed a gun safety course and have an approved firearm safe in your place of residence.       

The Iraqi court charged with investigating the crimes against humanity committed by Saddam Hussein have come out with their expected verdict:  Death by Hanging. 

This shouldn’t be much of a shock for most people with anything more than a brain stem.  Saddam was known as a savage on par with Idi Amin or Joe Stalin.  Wiping entire villages off the map was considered perfectly sensible by the Hussein gang.  Saddam’s Sons of Fun, Biday and Qusay, now currently dead, were known to be just like Dad, except even more violent, savage and out of control. 

The US military and the Iraqi Police clamped a curfew on the country in anticipation of all kinds of violence when the verdict was dropped.  There are reports of clashes in Sunni areas as various political leaders condemn the decision.  Other areas, notably Shiite areas, there has been much rejoicing. 

This is where things are going to get dicey.  Humans revert to tribes when systems break down.  Iraq has been broken for a number of years and as expected, everyone has reverted back to their tribal allegiances.  Religious tribes, or village tribes, or familial tribes are the norm.  To police this kind of morass, the authorities are trying to make people believe in Iraq first, then tribal groupings.  It isn’t working.  It isn’t working even a little bit. 

By any definition, even if there is a ‘national’ government, Iraq has devolved into a tribal civil war.  As history has taught us, time and time again, you can’t stop a tribal civil war.  Even Saddam at his peak of craziness couldn’t keep the lid on the Kurds, using gas and bombing:  The tribal allegiance is too strong.

What does this mean for the US and, by extension, the rest of the world?  First, nothing can be solved on the ground regardless of how much force, short of nukes, that you apply.  Second, the US and the rest of us, have created a whole generation of new terrorists who blame the United States for their situation.

The people who are cranking up this new generation of disaffected and violent tribal followers are the tribal leaders.  The reason they can crank up a new generation is simple:  The US didn’t do the things they needed to do when they invaded Iraq.

I wrote about this on the website in April of 2003 in a posting called  So What Now?.  The short summary is this:  After invading and winning, you must get the lights back on, the water running and enough security up so the regular folks can go to the marketplace to get food.  Use the now-civilians from the army to fill in the holes in the road, re-establish the electrical grid and fix the water supply.  Pay them a reasonable wage and sift through all of them for the real war criminals. 

When the infrastructure is actually working and people can do what they need to do to survive and thrive, then you won’t have too many problems with insurrections, guerilla groups, or a scared, angry, hungry, vengeful population blaming the invaders for their situation.  It is a very simple equation and an easy fix.

The folks running the war didn’t do this.  Rumsfeld, Cheney, Rove, and President JoJo The Idiot Boy decided that a full-fledged Jeffersonian Democracy must be airlifted into Iraq to be some kind of shining Beacon of Hope.  Peasants don’t care about democracy.  Democracy is a luxury you can afford if you have a full belly and a working country.  The US didn’t give or even attempt to provide the Iraqi’s a working country.  For that matter, they didn’t give them a working suburb, or city block. 

Rumsfeld, Cheney Rove and Dubya spent the years since trying to find the hole to fingerbang their way to Mission Accomplished with meat puppets like Jerry Bremner.  There was much posturing, posing and paper generation, but the lights weren’t on and the water didn’t work, except in the Green Zone of Baghdad.  More than three years later, no wonder Iraq has devolved into tribal madness.  Runsfeld, Rove, Cheney and Dubya were too concerned with appearances, press releases, politics and scoring points at home to actually let the military do the job they needed (and wanted) to do.

It is now too late to fix it.  The Iraq civil war and tribal wars have started.  Saddam’s execution will be a footnote that kicks off a new level of insurgent actions.  The real mistake happened in the spring of 2003. 

Solutions?  The US is going to need significant defense at home as that whole generation of Iraqis cranked up by the tribal leaders are going to come to the US looking to get some revenge.  Iraq has become the biggest, best, most colourful and convincing recruiting brochure for Al Qaeda you could ever hope to create.

You can’t blame the Democrats, or the Republicans, or Liberals or the Religious Right.  You can’t blame John Kerry, or Hillary Clinton, or John McCain or Mike Bloomberg.  You can’t even blame the soldiers on the ground.  The boots on the street tried to help locally but were hamstrung at every turn by a chain of command that was more concerned with pleasing their masters in Washington.

I’ll close with three fake quotes:

"Rummy, you’re doing a hellofa job."  "Dickie, you’re doing a hellofa job."  "Karl, you’re doing a hellofa job." 

Since I have a direct line to the Deity, I am going to publish the results of the US mid-term elections right here, right now. 

Voter Turnout?  Lowest on record.  Less than 42% of registered voters will bother, which is hardly surprising.  The Democrats are the party that stands for Nothing.  The Republicans are the party that stands for Nothing, plus God. 

Voting Irregularities?  Highest on record since the glory days of Chicago in the 1930’s, where the slogan was "Vote early, Vote often."  Even such democratic havens as the Philippines, Chile and Uganda will look at the irregularities and say "That ain’t right."  

Results?  Democrats will have a slim majority in the House, but not the Senate.  President JoJo The Idiot Boy will claim it as a victory for those innocent stem cells, being harvested by Evildoers of the Axis of Evil who snatch pregnant women off the street and force them to have abortions.  Oh and the troops.

If you think you have political gridlock now, welcome to political constipation that can only result from a diet of oat bran and cheese curds. 

Rove, Rumsfeld, Cheney and JoJo The Idiot Boy want to rule by Imperial Fiat, Executive Order and Signing Statement.  They will.  It will make the glory days of Richard Nixon (`71 to `74) look like a Green Party kaffe-klatch.  Expect an Enemies List.  Expect the Patriot Act to be expanded.  Expect detentions for anyone who dares to speak out or point at things like, oh, The Constitution.   

Losers?  Anyone who lives in America, who isn’t stinkin’ rich and on the Republican speed-dial.  That means you. 

This is a Forest Gump kind of week.  Stupid Is as Stupid Does when it comes to Nukes, Porn, Sex and Condoms.

November 3, 2006 U.S. Web Archive Is Said to Reveal a Nuclear Primer

By WILLIAM J. BROAD  (NYTimes)  Last March, the federal government set up a Web site to make public a vast archive of Iraqi documents captured during the war. The Bush administration did so under pressure from Congressional Republicans who had said they hoped to “leverage the Internet” to find new evidence of the prewar dangers posed by Saddam Hussein.

But in recent weeks, the site has posted some documents that weapons experts say are a danger themselves: detailed accounts of Iraq’s secret nuclear research before the 1991 Persian Gulf war. The documents, the experts say, constitute a basic guide to building an atom bomb.

Last night, the government shut down the Web site after The New York Times asked about complaints from weapons experts and arms-control officials. A spokesman for the director of national intelligence said access to the site had been suspended “pending a review to ensure its content is appropriate for public viewing.  We’re concerned about 12-year olds seeing this kind of material."

Jared Fleegus a 12-year old from Groton, CT, who downloaded the plans from the Internet said that "The plans are sooo bogus man.  No plutonium seed.  Crap focus mirrors.  No trigger synchronizers better than 22 milliseconds and the casing?  Half-assed Soviet era engineering.  That’s so much bullshit my Mom’s plants are growing.  Jeez, is this the best our government can do?  Lameass 1970’s technology?" 

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12 SMARTCARDS GO MISSING IN TENNESSEE; CONTROL ELECTRONIC VOTING MACHINES
Fri Nov 03 2006 10:09:31 ET Drudge Report

Political insiders have expressed alarm after 12 voter smartcards have gone missing from one Shelby County, TN early vote location.  The cards are used to activate electronic voting machines.
The location at the center of the controversy is Bishop Byrne High School on E. Shelby Drive in Memphis. 

The polling place started out with 25 cards. By Wednesday, 11 were missing, says an eyewitness.  The location was given 5 more smartcards on Thursday.  And another card went missing.  Someone possessing a smartcard could use ‘off the shelf equipment’ [equipment that reprograms the card] and alter it to be used multiple times, and cast multiple votes.

Presidential Advisor Karl Rove, approached at a Memphis BestBuy checkout line said that the missing voting machine smartcards have, "Nothing to do with us.  No siree.  Nothing.  Nope.  Nothing to do with Republican Candidate Bob Corker either.  Nope. Just more Democrat Paranoia from Harold Ford Junior.  And the bearded, terrorist, homosexual-marrying, file-swapping, file encrypting Evildoers of the Axis of Evil who will take over if you vote Democrat."

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Orgies in Wahabi Saudi Arabia: Western culture blamed

Special to World Tribune.com Friday, November 3, 2006   Known as a modest and pious man, Saudi King Abdullah has been hearing steady reports of a sharp decline in morals in his country.

In Jeddah, the Mawadda Social and Family Reconciliation and Counseling Center has been processing requests for help from thousands of married couples on the verge of breaking up, Middle East Newsline reported. The threat is not divorce, heavily frowned upon in the kingdom, but of the husband establishing a second home with a concubine or prostitute.

"Our youths are not, unfortunately, educated on the importance of leading a secure married life," said Hassan Al Shelabi, the center director.  Al Shelabi said his center has received reports of wife swapping, of husbands pressuring wives to sleep with their friends and of orgies. He said these requests reflect the influence of Western culture, easily accessible on satellite television or the Internet.  

"The parents should be mindful that ‘Saving Ryan’s Privates’ or ‘Dirt Bike Butt Bangers’ are not films that a pious family should have readily available.  Go to London or New York for that kind of material, like the old days." said Al Shalabi.

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Evangelist Admits Meth, Massage, No Sex
Nov 03 2:34 PM US/Eastern By CATHERINE TSAI
Associated Press Writer COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo.

Evangelist Ted Haggard admitted Friday that he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a gay prostitute who claims he was paid for drug-fueled trysts by the outspoken gay marriage opponent.

Haggard resigned Thursday as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and stepped down as leader of his Colorado megachurch while the two groups investigate the allegations. 

Talking to reporters outside his house Friday, Haggard denied the sex allegations but said that he did buy meth from the man because he was curious.   "I bought it for myself but never used it," he said. "I was tempted, but I never used him.  Or the meth. Or the DTK flavoured condoms.  Or the lube. Or the goat. Or the Saudi porn."

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Flavored condom ad in bad taste?

Fri Nov 3, 2006 9:06am ET  NEW DELHI (Reuters) – Indian authorities want to stop the daytime airing of a television advertisement promoting flavoured condoms saying it is obscene and in bad taste, a newspaper reported Friday.

The advert promotes DKT’s "XXX" strawberry, chocolate and banana flavoured condoms with the catchline "What is your flavor of the night?."  But the Advertising Standards Council of India and the Censor Board have asked the government to bar the ad from being broadcast during the day, especially during the popular Champions Trophy international cricket tournament.

"This campaign is obscene," Sharmila Tagore, chairwoman of the Censor Board was quoted as saying in the Times of India. "Maybe DKT is targeting raunchy teenagers. But the ads are definitely not meant for children.  We do not wish our children to know that playing the pink piccolo is an acceptable behavior, despite the actions of various American politicians." 

A spokesman for DKT has said that they are "currently testing new flavours like Bubble Gum, Mango Lassi and Vindaloo" that would be more child friendly.

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Serious Security Breach At Los Alamos

November 3rd, 2006  (CBS/AP) The recent security breach at Los Alamos National Laboratory was very serious, with sensitive materials being taken out of the facility — possibly including information on how to deactivate locks on nuclear weapons, officials tell CBS News.

drug raid at a Los Alamos-area home last month. The FBI was called in to investigate.   

Multiple sources now tell CBS News that the material includes sensitive weapons-design data.  FBI Spokesperson Jedgar Hoobler said that "We have a person of interest in the Connecticut area, near Groton, who may have posted the data to the Internet."

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You know what frightens me?  I didn’t do that much writing or editing on this post. 

Sen. John Kerry decided to put his foot into his mouth, right up to the ankle yesterday.  Here’s the quote:  "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq."

Of course President JoJo the Idiot Boy got up on his back legs to bark that Sen. Kerry was badmouthing the troops, was a disloyal American and that voting Democrat was a vote to abandon the troops.  Naturally that sound bite got a lot of applause at a Republican event in Georgia.

I’m not going to defend Sen. Kerry’s remarks as they are at best, elitist, divisive, insensitive and politically dumb. 

However, I am going to take much umbrage at Dubya.  Dubya cannot call anyone who served in the American Armed Forces disloyal.  Kerry actually went.  Dubya dodged.  Kerry got shot at.  Dubya didn’t take a flight physical.  Kerry disagreed with the Viet Nam war after he came home.  Dubya got the records expunged, and a free pass because of Daddy.  Simply put, Dubya should shut his pie hole about being a patriot, if he had a lick of sense or honour.

Now as for Sen. Kerry.  If you want to crap over the US governments’ Iraq policy and the fumblehanded running of the war by Rumsfeld, Rove, Cheney and President JoJo The Idiot Boy, go ahead.  That’s like shooting fish in a barrel.  Just replay the clips on WMD’s being on every streetcorner.  Just replay the clips of JoJo and Cheney assuring everyone that Saddam and Osama were buddies bent on world domination.  Replay the "Mission Accomplished" stunt of The War President landing on the Teddy Roosevelt. 

Hell, just let JoJo The Idiot Boy talk for six minutes about anything that Rove will pop into his head.  You’ll have plenty of points to ream the Republicans on. 

But John, please put your shoe back in your mouth and sit down.  What you said was unfair to every soldier who has served.  I might not agree with the reasons why the US and Canada are in Iraq and Afghanistan.  But I will support those who are serving, as they are serving out of a sense of duty.  The Generals and the Political Bosses deserve our scorn, in heapin’ helpin’s of unpleasantness.  The boots on the ground deserve our support. 

I can live with that inconsistency.

In the previous post I stuck a needle in the eye of CATSA and the TSA for the bullshit theatre they call passenger screening at airports.  I’m now obligated to tell them how to fix it.

One:  Nobody gets into the airport without a reservation or a ticket for that day.  No more tearful goodbyes from Aunt Hazel and Uncle Bert; that can happen out at the curb.  Only people with legitimate business in the terminal are allowed in the terminal.  If you have to see someone off, for example a relative in a wheelchair, you get an escort the whole way.  Your minder will be watching you and, occasionally, helping, but don’t bet on it.  The minder is there to make sure you don’t do anything other than help Grandma.  When you’re done, you get escorted out.   

Start the screening process in the lineup to get your boarding pass.  El-Al does this all the time.  Who are you?  Where are flying?  Why are you flying there?  Who are you going to see?  Show me your passport, driver’s license and another form of ID.  What are you taking to your destination?  Where did you get it?  Who packed it for you?  Who else is traveling with you?  Who is going to meet you at the airport?  How did you pay for your ticket?  What is in your bag?  Why are you taking those kinds of gifts? Where did you get them? 

These questions are posed by CATSA/TSA inspectors as you are waiting in line.  The inspectors are looking for your reactions and answers.  Some folks will be asked dozens of questions, others just a few; it might even depend on the vibe the inspectors are getting from you.  Answers that make no sense, or don’t seem to add up, will get you pulled out of line for further questioning. 

As an example, a couple with an infant who don’t have diapers with them would be pulled for questioning.  It makes no sense for someone with an infant to travel without diapers, even on a Toronto – Ottawa hop.  Since it makes no sense, it needs investigation.  If the answer is "we forgot them at home" and the rest of the story makes sense, then fine, on you way, enjoy your trip.  There’s no penalty for being a dumb human, but we want to know why.   

Two: No online boarding passes.  No home-printed boarding passes.  No kiosk check-in.  You have to present your smiling face and ID to a human to get your boarding pass.  The format of the boarding passes will change often.  There will be security features built into them, much like we have security features built into currency to prevent forgery.  After you get your boarding pass and your baggage goes into the hole in the wall, you go immediately into Security.  You don’t get to walk around and hang out.  You go immediately to Security with your carryon. 

Three: Professional screeners.  Expect the x-ray and magnetometer process to take about sixty seconds.  Expect to be patted down if you seem even slightly suspicious.  Expect the same questions you were asked in the lineup to get your boarding pass.  The answers should be close enough to the same you gave outside.  If the answers don’t add up, expect to be interviewed at length.  Expect someone to hand-search your carryon if they feel even vaguely concerned.  Expect to be asked to turn on your laptop, camera, C-PAP machine, or whatever other gizmo you have in your carryon.  We want to see it work. 

If you need to carry specialized tools or gear as part of your job, you can apply for a permit.  Expect CATSA or the TSA to very closely quiz you about every potential reason why you need a permit.  We will want to know you very well before we consider giving you a permit.     

Four: Isolate the security zone and secure it from anything outside the security zone.  That means drapes, frosted glass, walls or physical barriers.  Treat it like a Customs Hall:  Secure and Sanitized.  You cannot see into a Customs hall for a very good reason:  It prevents criminals from seeing how the procedure is working on that day.  It prevents criminals from observing patterns of security searches and makes the whole process more secure. 

Five:  X-ray and physically inspect all baggage and freight going into airplanes.  Not a representative sample:  All of it needs a mark on it somewhere that it has been inspected.  No mark?  It doesn’t fly.  There should be a number of people patrolling the baggage makeup rooms to ensure that bags are as secure as they can be.  This will also prevent baggage from being stolen, misdirected, pilfered or lost.  You might actually be able to check things of value in your bags, with a reasonable assumption it will make it to your destination.  Needless to say, positive bag match happens.

Six:  Comprehensive background checks and security checks for anyone working airside at an airport.  That means ramp rats, fuelers, cargo yobs, technicians, groomers, service personnel and every single solitary person working at every little kiosk, store, folding cart, duty-free shop, shoeshine stand and popcorn wagon.  Nobody gets past security without a pass and the format of the pass will change several times a year.  It might be like a transit pass.  The photo will be highly secured but the bottom half will change often.  The two had better match or you will have some industrial-strength explaining to do.

Every last box of coffee, bottled water, bag of flour or frozen french fries must be inspected, wanded, sifted through and gone over just like luggage and carryon bags. 

Expect to be challenged to show your ID and pass at least a couple of times a day as an employee of anything airside.  Expect to be questioned as to who your supervisor is, what your next task is and where you clock in and out.  Expect the same security treatment leaving the job at the end of the day.  Show your pass, expect to be x-rayed and patted down.  This will cut airport thievery down to nothing.  

This includes flight crew and cabin crew.  Sorry, no free pass because you drive airplanes or do the demonstration thing with the margarine container and the plastic hose.

Seven:  Spot checks for passengers after you’re past Security.  Expect the same questions you were asked in the lineup for your boarding pass.  Perhaps a few less, maybe a few more.  We want to make sure you belong there.   

Eight:  A sanitized perimeter around all airports.  Physical security is easy to do.  Nothing should be within ten meters of a fence for any reason.  The fences should be patrolled often, especially near the cargo terminals.  If you want to loiter around the perimeter of an airport, be prepared to be asked why and to explain yourself.  If you’re a plane watcher, like I am, expect to be treated rudely from time to time.  An airport that I won’t name has a cargo area that I could breach by jumping on the top of a truck parked right next to the fence.  If I could figure out how to beat their security, then a determined bad guy will. 

Nine:  Rotate the inspectors.  One week it is the primary line.  Next week, cargo.  The week after, baggage makeup, or walking the ramp.  This way the patterns don’t develop as readily.  Patterns are what the bad guys look for.  New sets on eyes on established patterns means nobody takes anything for granted, or "that’s just the way it is around here"

Ten:  The security briefing for passengers will include a simple statement.  "We’re not opening the cockpit door for anything or anyone.  If there is an attempted hijacking, or hostage taking, we’re going to land at the nearest airport, in a very big hurry, so have your seatbelt on, or be prepared to be tossed to the ceiling.  If you’re a hostage, kiss you ass goodbye.  This door does not open as of now."

There you go.  How to fix airport security. 

Now, I’ll explain why it will never happen.  First, the current system is all about appearances, not actual security.  Real security involves a lot of people being inquisitive, asking a lot of pointed questions, looking for sensible answers and putting the brakes on the process if the answers don’t make sense.

The current system is about controlling people for appearances.  My system is about airport security.

The current system is cheap, repetitive and easy to bamboozle.  My system is only slightly more expensive but provides several times the security of the current system.  Incidentally, I want every CATSA or TSA person paid a lot more than minimum wage.  I want them motivated to catch the bad guys, not arguing about breaks or overtime. 

The current system is dependent on technology to answer people questions.  My system uses people to answer people questions.  People work better than technology almost every time when it comes to security.

The current system is not flexible enough.  My system can turn on a dime and leave 11 cents change as you can modify the rules of engagement by the hour if you want to.  As an example, looking at the answers your terminal screeners are getting regarding why you are traveling. 

If the terminal screeners see many people with the same reason for traveling, start asking more questions about it.  You will see patterns emerge, for instance at the holiday season, or big conventions.  That makes sense and is benign.  No worries.

But if nineteen different people tell us that they’re going to visit Uncle Fergus in Toledo, then that’s not quite making sense and requires more investigation.  It’s a family reunion?  OK.  No worries.

Why does nobody going to the family reunion have the same last name?  Four are Korean, two are Irish and the rest are a mix of Middle Eastern, Latvian and Norwegian?  Hello? 

Why are half of them carrying Saudi passports and the other half are from Yemen, Qatar and Lebanon? 

Why is Uncle Fergus’ last name "Williams" from two of them, "Ben-Momser" from five more and the rest don’t know Uncle Fergus’ last name at all?  Something is not right here. 

Why are half these folks, allegedly going for a three-week vacation in Toledo with Uncle Fergus, only carrying one change of clothes and no gifts for Uncle Fergus?  Now things are truly not making sense and the alarm bells should start ringing. 

The current system is designed to be "airline friendly".  My system is designed to be secure.

The current system has not stopped theft, smuggling or illegal immigration on bogus credentials.  My system makes smuggling, theft and illegal immigration very difficult, as the by-catch of smugglers, child abductors, escapees, those on wanted lists, or fraudsters will more likely be caught before they can get away.  Heck, it could almost self-fund on captured illegal cash, drugs and reward money.

Lost, stolen or misdirected bags are one of those indicators of how well a system is working.  Guess what?  The current system is not working.

As reported by the FAA and the US Department of Transport Air Travel Consumer Report the system is worse than it was in December 1998.  (If you don’t believe me, go to http://airconsumer.ost.dot.gov/reports and pull up the December 1998 report, then pull up the August 2006 report:  They’re .pdf’s)

I’ll summarize for you:  December 1998, airlines lost, misdirected or had stolen, an average of 4.29 bags per 1,000 passengers. 

August 2006, after all our ‘security’ measures, post 9/11, the average is 8.08 bags per 1,000 passengers.  Almost double.  The phrase "Screwed Beyond Redemption" comes to mind.

Next steps?  Paying more can happen quickly enough, but as the old saying goes, fish stink from the head first.  Firing a lot of senior people is needed.  They’re not serious about security, which is, putatively at least, their job. 

Re-train the existing people, after a comprehensive background check.  Double the number of inspectors and train them to ask questions all the time.  Ex-cops, ex-military or ex-customs officers are the kind of people you want to hire.  You want smart, curious, inventive and slightly distrusting individuals who actually get the concept of Security. 

Let the local mangers walk around looking at things for at least half the day, instead of managing breaks and coffee time.  Swap airports once in a while, letting supervisors, managers, or even line inspectors see a different set of challenges and figure out how to make them more secure. 

Tell the airlines that this is the deal and they can go do something unsanitary to themselves if they don’t like it.  TSA and CATSA are concerned with keeping terrorists out and the skies reasonably safe because the Federal Government owns the airspace.  We allow the airlines to use it, so it’s our rules or get out. 

Airlines are concerned with not serving food and flying the passengers as cheaply as possible.  If they don’t like it, they can open a bus company.

The public?  I suspect that the public might see the new security system as one that is intrusive and annoying, but for a good reason:  To keep the bad guys out.

I got to fly this week, again sampling the finest cuisine and security of Canada’s Airports.  The cuisine I can address in only a few words:  Unavailable Crap on the planes, Readily Available crap in the terminals.  The security, well, that’s a different show.

It set me to thinking about airport security now that we’re five years out from 9/11.  What lessons have we learned and what can we do better? 

I think we’re all agreed that there is a need for airport screening before you get to the airplane.  I think we’re all agreed that people carrying on knives, box cutters, propane torches, guns, machetes, handcuffs or grenades is not in the best interests of increased security in the air.  I think we’re all agreed that we want to feel vaguely safe when we fly and that the likelihood of someone hijacking the aircraft is reduced as much as it can be.  How we get there is another story. 

Rentacops doing security screening is not the way to go.  That was the system in place before 9/11.  The FAA said that there must be security screening for anyone going airside and the airlines had to pay for it, so the airlines and the airports did it as cheaply as possible.  That meant rentacops being paid minimum wage to be on guard against all the potential badness that could converge on an airliner.  Post 9/11 the forming of CATSA and TSA was government-mandated and the training was extensive, at least on paper.  Salaries for the screeners?  Minimum wage.  We’ve substituted rentacops from private security firms with federally employed rentacops. 

Which explains a scene I saw in an airport that shall remain nameless.  Two screeners, both ostensibly looking at the X-ray output of the various bags, were arguing over who was going on break and when.  The image in front of them received exactly three seconds of their attention.  I timed them.  The only way they could have spotted something illegal would be if it had burst into flames in front of them, or had a bright orange flashing label that said "GUN". 

I don’t buy the ‘they’re trained professionals’ line.  To examine an x-ray of a bag takes more than three seconds.  Nobody is that good.  Nobody highly motivated is that good.  Most certainly nobody arguing about breaks and being paid minimum wage is that good.  To do a proper physical pat-down search takes 15 seconds on a handcuffed subject.  To X-ray inspect a bag should take at least that long, if not longer.

After I collected my stuff, I saw a man sitting near the supervisor’s stand, wearing a CATSA ID and looking like a supervisor.  I approached him and asked about the x-ray displays.  In many airports the actual output of the x-ray is shielded from the passengers.  At this particular airport, I could watch all the output screens at all the security lines.  I said so.  He told me that it wasn’t an invasion of privacy and it had been checked out by the lawyers. 

I explained that I could care less about someone seeing what was in my bag.  I was concerned that everyone can see exactly what level of detail the screeners see.  By knowing what the screeners can and cannot see, a potential bad guy can figure out where to hide and how to hide things in a carryon bag.  The supervisor pointed out that the second floor mezzanine surrounds the x-ray area and anyone can sit up there for hours watching the x-ray screens and the screeners to find the patterns and holes in the system. 

Since Buddy the Supervisor wasn’t getting it, I suggested either a small hood over the x-ray display to preclude shoulder surfing, or the 3M privacy filter that adheres right on the CRT itself.  Both would stop prying eyes, the hood being the cheapest and fastest.  He said he’d "bring it up."  Or "Fuck off and die."

I left the immediate area and hung around a little bit to watch the show.  Off to one side, just standing there, watching the screening process.  Nobody on any of the three lines spent more than four seconds looking at the x-ray images in the ten minutes I spent watching the watchers.  It wasn’t like I was subtle either.  I was never challenged or approached by either CATSA or anyone else asking what I was looking at and why.

I also watched the security swabbers too.  That swab of your laptop is supposed to pick up any explosive residue and the Kenner Easy-Bake Oven they slip the piece of cloth into is a gas detector and stripped down chromatograph.  It looks for the basic chemical signatures of explosives and alerts the screener.  The idea is explosive residues mean the human in front of them has been near something bad and should immediately be questioned more.

I don’t know the exact protocol, but using the same swab on eleven different laptops means the results from the swabbing of the surfaces are so cross-contaminated as to be meaningless.  It would be like your doctor using the same needle on eleven different patients in a row.  Not good.

Which brings up two interesting stories.  One from www.slashdot.com where a certain Christopher Soghoian had successfully posted a way to reproduce a NWA Boarding Pass on his blog, inserting whatever damn name you want to see.

In February of last year, Senator Chuck Schumer D-NY, did more or less the same thing at http://www.senate.gov/~schumer/SchumerWebsite/press_releases/2005.  Needless to say Sen. Chuck Schumer did not get his front door broken down by the FBI.  As for Christopher Soghoian?  He did get an unfriendly visit from the FBI.  Yesterday.

Based on what I’ve seen as a frequent flyer over the years and these two stories, the whole TSA and CATSA system is broken.  It is bullshit theatre to make us think we’re safe.  It has nothing to do with actually capturing potential bad guys trying to get on airplanes.  It has everything to do with posturing.

Since I don’t mind poking a red-hot needle in the eye of the authorities, I am obligated to tell them how to fix their little scam.  Which I will do in the next post, if only to be fair to the idiots who run our "security" infrastructure.

I’ll try to add in the backstory for our American readers at the end, if only so they can look at their Congress and shake their heads with the same shame as Canadians shake their heads at the dimbulbs who populate our House of Commons.

The Foreign Affairs Minister, Peter MacKay is in the shit for an alleged comment he made in the House last week.  Allegedly, MacKay said that his former girlfriend, Belinda Stronach, a sitting opposition member, was a dog and the Opposition already had her. 

Hansard, the official transcript of the House, does not show his comment, but several members say they heard MacKay make the comment in the House.  Needless to say, members of the House are blowing head valves at a record pace. 

The House has always been a place of decorum.  Theoretically, the members speak to each other by their ridings or their roles  You don’t call a Member of Parliament by their name.  As an example, saying "Hey Baird, you suck!" is unparliamentary.  However, saying "The Honourable Member for Ottawa-West Nepean sucks!" is somewhat permissible. 

It is considered bad form to call Cabinet members or the Prime Minister by their riding.  Therefore it is somewhat permissible to say "The Right Honourable Prime Minister and the Minister of Foreign Affairs both aspirate human fecal matter through a straw!"

Despite those and several hundred other rules of decorum and behavior, Hansard does not always represent exactly what was said in the House.  The galleys ("Blues") of Hansard are sent to each Member of Parliament the next day for the correction of errors and omissions.  Each MP is entitled to ‘correct’ what was reported, within certain fuzzy limits. 

Comments not entered into Hansard are considered to not have happened.  Technically, only the words uttered by the person speaking when so recognized by the Speaker of the House are for Hansard.  Any comments overheard before, after, or during that are not recognized by the Speaker, do not exist and do not get into Hansard. 

There is one exception.  For example, if a member were to stand in his place and tell a joke about two nuns walking into a whorehouse, the resulting laughter would be reported in Hansard as: "Some Hon. Members: Oh, ho, ho, ho!"  This is as close as Hansard ever gets to recording the gales of laughter, shouts of derision and general heckling that goes on in that joint.

Incidentally, anything said within the House is not considered actionable in a court of law.  Therefore a Member can call another member a "sleeveen", as John Crosbie did.  Sleeveen is Newfoundland slang for a rascal or sneaky person.  Had Crosbie done this outside the House, he could have been sued for libel.  Calling another member a "liar" means you must immediately withdraw your words and apologize to the House and the member for affronting the privilege of the House.

To say that the House of Commons is out of control is an understatement.  You can watch CPAC, the cable Parliamentary Channel to get a small taste of what the House is like.  But if you can, go and sit in the Public Gallery during Question Period.  Seats are free, but you do have to show ID and go through a security checkpoint, like in an airport.  Settle in for an hour of shouts, curses, interruptions, invective, heckling and general hysteria.  It is worse than trying to get a word in edgewise in a bar argument at closing time.  

The House of Commons at Question Period is embarrassing in its boorishness and lack of any vestige of decorum, dignity or solemn representation of the will of the people of Canada.  None of it is reported in Hansard.  Very little of it shows up on the cable Parliamentary channel.

The backstory on MacKay and Stronach is merely salacious.  Stronach was a Conservative MP who was dating a Conservative MP, Peter MacKay.  Then one day, Stronach decided to cross the floor and become a Liberal Cabinet Minister under Paul Martin’s Ship of Fools.  Needless to say, the romance went into the dumper when MacKay found out:  There was no way in hell he’d date a Liberal.  There was also no way in hell Stronach could be in a Liberal cabinet and be dating a Conservative.  The rumour press has posited that MacKay was ‘devastated’ by Stronach’s turncoat political power grab. 

(Parenthetically, if Belinda Stronach had been a man and dumped a girlfriend for a position of power in the Cabinet, this discussion would not be happening.  It would be accepted as the normal course of the affairs of Men.  This, of course, is bullshit sexism and a double-standard of reporting because Stronach doesn’t have a dick.)

Technically, Peter MacKay said nothing, at least according to the Official Hansard of the Proceedings of the 39th Parliament, First Session.  Therefore, nothing happened.  If Peter MacKay did actually say what he is alleged to say, then he’s a petulant child and a poor loser who deserves every little molecule of shitrain that is falling on him.

American Translation:  A Republican Congressperson called a former girlfriend who is now a sitting Democrat Congressperson, a dog just before standing to talk to some bill in Congress.  People overheard it, but it was not in the Congressional Record. 

The rest of the reporting media and a bunch of other Congresspersons are all a-twitter about it.  There has been some reporting that the Republicans are actually proud of the alleged remark.  It proved that the member was heterosexual and was bad-mouthing someone whom he used to romp with, not gathering up piles of unmarked cash from Jack Abramoff.

This one in from Associated Press:

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) – North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il expressed regret about his country’s nuclear test to a Chinese delegation and said Pyongyang would return to international nuclear talks if Washington backs off a campaign to financially isolate the country, a South Korean newspaper reported Friday.

"If the U.S. makes a concession to some degree, we will also make a concession to some degree, whether it be bilateral talks or six-party talks," Kim was quoted as telling a Chinese envoy, the mass-circulation Chosun Ilbo reported, citing a diplomatic source in China.

Oh?  He’s sorry he let off a low-yield nuke?  Or is Kim Jong-Il sorry that most of the population in his country are starving to death?  Or is he sorry that he listened to Pakistan’s A.O Khan and bought the blueprints for his bomb off the Internet for $20 plus next-day shipping? 

Or is Kim Jong-Il sorry that his population is leaving in record numbers according to Radio Free Asia and the European Union.  Factoid point (www.epp.eurostat.ec):  Record numbers of North Koreans are applying for asylum in Germany, Belgium, the UK, Holland, Thailand, Viet Nam, Cambodia and China:  North Koreans are voting with their feet before they starve. 

Perhaps Dear Leader is sorry for the pisspoor choreography that gets performed at the mass demonstrations in Pyongyang.  Or those ghastly uniform hats that make his soldiers look like they’ve got a khaki Frisbee glued to their heads.  The man has no style.  Even Idi Amin had a sense of design and line.

If Condi Rice has a lick of sense, then the ‘concessions’ she’ll give Dear Leader should include "Not letting you starve to death this winter."  The other concession should be providing a DVD copy of "Three’s Company, Season 1 and 2" that he so desperately wants.  Stick and Carrot.

If Kim Jong-Il has a lick of sense, he’ll take the DVD and promise to Never, Ever, do the nuclear thing again.

And change the uniform, dude.  You look like a teddybear crossed with a dork, dressed in Dr. Denton sleepers.