Category Archives: News and politics

It reads like a bad first draft of a John LeCarre potboiler, but the the Alexander Litvinenko poisoning in London is becoming more of a puzzle every day.  The murder of a nosy journalist, the radioactive poisoning of an ex-KGB agent and a former Russian Prime Minister, radiation all over a bunch of commercial aircraft, an emigre Russian billionaire, Chechen rebel leaders and a couple of self-styled security consultants, all combine in a plot that demands you take notes just to keep up. 

Here’s the short form:  Vladimir Putin the President of Russia is an ex-KGB head.  He likes the old school Soviet managed economy and society as a way to bring back some of the prestige and power, while trying to put a lid back on the Russian Mafia, who gutted the former Soviet Union when the wall came down and Gorbachev tossed the keys over the wall of the Kremlin.  In order to work a new-style-old-school Soviet deal, human rights have to go.  Journalists asking pointed questions, have to go.  Cutting out western power players has to be done.  It is being done. 

Anna Politkovskaya was a Russian journalist who was crapping all over the government for human rights abuses in Chechnya.  There are many:  Russian troops use rape, torture and civilian attacks against the Chechyn rebels.  The Chechyn rebels use kidnapping, torture and routinely target the civilian government, as well as the Russian troops.  Chechnya is the Russian equivalent of Iraq, except the Russian troop are kicking out the jams when it comes to dealing with insurgents.  The Chechyn government is just as bad.  People disappear and are eventually found in mass graves.

Politkovskaya was going to work on October 7th when someone pumped four rounds into her:  One round through the head made sure she wouldn’t get to the office.  This is the equivalent of Karl Rove ordering the CIA to off Nick Robertson of CNN for breaking the Abu Ghraib story.  There was much outrage in Russia.

Enter Alexander Litvinenko, ex KGB spook.  He knew how the system worked and reportedly either had the goods or something close to the goods on the role of the Russian Security Bureau’s involvement in the killing of Anna Politkovskaya.  Enter Mario Scaramella an Italian self-styled security consultant.  Litvinenko and Scaramella had dinner at a London sushi joint November 1st,  the night before Litvinenko came down ill. 

By November 16th, Litvinenko is so sick, he’s in Emergency, going bald and disintegrating before the doctors’ eyes.  On November 23rd, he dies, after doctors determine that he was poisoned with Polonium-210 and basically dies from the inside out at his body collapses.  In a deathbed letter and through his media representatives, Litvinenko places the blame on Vladimir Putin and the Russian Security Service.  Russia denies any involvement. 

On November 27th, as in less than a week ago, traces of Polonium-210 are found on British Airways aircraft that Litvinenko and others had traveled on, specifically from Moscow to London.  Inside the sushi joint and at two other locations, more of the radio isotope are found.  Even the doctors doing the post-mortem on Litvinenko have to be careful, working under strict exposure guidelines. At the same time, Yegor Gaidar, former Russian Prime Minister and general pain-in-the-ass to Putin turned up with a low-level exposure to Polonium.  Gaidar is ill, but is expected to recover.

On Thursday British Home Secretary John Reid announces that traces of radioactivity have been found in a dozen locations around London and four aircraft from British Airways are grounded for potential contamination.  By Friday, tests had confirmed that Litvinenko’s wife and a hotel in Sussex had also tested positive for Polonium-210.

Note:  Polonium is a naturally occurring element found in Uranium, first discovered by Marie Curie in 1898.  Found isn’t quite the right word, as it doesn’t stick out.  There are 100 micrograms of Polonium per metric ton of Uranium. 

Polonium has 25 known isotopes, all radioactive and chemically poisonous.  Polonium-210 was used as a heat source, as it generates heat via alpha particle emission.  One recent use for Polonium-210 (or to be accurate in notation 210-Po) has been as a heat and power source for space satellites and was used in the Soviet Lunokhod rovers on the surface of the Moon. 

Outside the body, Polonium-210 is dangerous, but the skin will repel much of the alpha wave radiation.  If Polonium-210 is ingested or inhaled, it is deadly, killing bone marrow, destroying the liver and spleen and jacking up the white blood cell count.  Essentially it collapses the immune system from the inside out. 

You don’t pick this stuff up at the local Home Depot and if you find a two-pound box of Polonium-210 under the front steps, you have enough to kill everyone in North America a couple of times over.  In simple terms, government nuclear science labs might have some, the quantity measured in micrograms.  It isn’t commonly available, like rat poison or gasoline.

So who poisoned Alexander Litvinenko?  The stinky finger points at the Russian Secret Service, now called the FSB, or more formally, the Federalnaya Sluzhba Bezopasnosti.  The FSB is tasked with counterintelligence, anti-terrorism, protection of the government and fighting organized crime.  Like the CIA under the Patriot Act, they can do whatever the hell they want to any citizen at any time any where on the planet, as long as they don’t get caught at it.

What’s the fallout, pun intended?  None.  Putin doesn’t care, as long as people stay in line.  His definition of Human Rights, based on how things go down in Chechnya, are "You ain’t got none, if you piss me off"

The question then is implied, what does a resurgent Soviet-style secret police mean for the rest of us?  Some indication might come from Hungary, which is wrestling with a resurgent Soviet-style government under the Magyar Szocialista Párt, the MSZP.  The MSZP took over from the original Hungarian Socialist Workers’ Party (or MSZMP) that ran the joint from 1956 to 1989.  (As soon as it is called the Socialist Workers Party, it’s the Communist Party, but it ain’t wearing a red dress this time.) 

Ferenc Gyurcsány, the current PM has openly admitted he is a fan of Lenin and wants to centrally control just about every aspect of the economy and life of the citizens.  Rumor has it that wiretapping is back in favour in Budapest.  Is Ferenc Gyurcsány a low-rent Putin wanna-be?  According to some, Ferenc Gyurcsány is just Putin without the honesty, charm, charisma and subtlety. 

Hungary is part of the European Union and NATO, but despite that Western pipeline, the economy has fallen into the toilet to the point that they Ministry of Health is closing 37 entire hospitals:  It can’t afford to keep the lights on.  Some professions have seen their government wages cut in half, as in you work 90 minutes, but get paid for 60.  Taxation has increased 25 percent in 2006 alone.  Which explains why there are protests in the street every day and an increase in the activities of the state security forces.

Realistically, the death of Alexander Litvinenko means a return to old school Russian isolationism and fear led by Vladimir Putin.  This is not a good thing.

Last week, our esteemed Prime Minister and his party passed a motion in the House O’Commons that recognized Quebec as a nation within Canada.  Don’t worry, dear American Readers, I’ll translate later.

What Stephen "Steve" Harper has done is pointed out the obvious:  Quebec is a nation within Canada.  At the same time, just as the Liberals are going into a convention, Harper has pulled the rug out from under all the Liberal candidates by taking away half the talking points they were going to jaw about for the rest of the weekend.

Historically what we call the Canada part of North America has been inhabited, archeologically, by First Nations for an estimated 26,500 years.  Parts of Ontario have been dated as habited for 9,500 years.    The first Euro-weenies arrived here around 1000 AD.  They were Vikings and sailed to Newfoundland about 492 years before Chris Columbus botched his navigation to Asia and found a Sandals resort in San Salvador.  The Vikings were looking for fish and trying to find someone at "867-5309 – Jenny" who had left a message for Eric the Red in Oslo. 

There were other visitors:  John Cabot in 1497 was one of the earlier ones who actually found the mainland.  Martin Frobisher stopped by in 1576, then Samuel de Champlain in 1603. 

When Jacques Cartier landed near Quebec City in 1534 our First Nations folks, who had never seen pasty-ass whiteboys, pointed at a settlement called Stadacona and said "Kanata".  Kanata roughly translates as "village’ or "settlement" and Cartier, being none too bright, figured the name of the whole country was Canada.  The handle stuck.

There have always been English and French explorers walking around, claiming this river or that hill for the King or Queen of England or France.  Short form?  Our Canadian roots are both English and French with equal importance.

The broad generalization of Quebec being mostly French speaking and the rest of Canada mostly English speaking does apply.  With any generalization, there are exceptions:  English is met with a blank stare on Dundas Street in Toronto, perhaps Cantonese or Viet would work better.  Hindi or Punjabi are the conversational coins of the realm in New Westminster, BC.  A weird mix of Icelandic, Ukrainian and English works in Gimli, Manitoba.  You can practice your Finnish in Thunder Bay, Ontario.  Canada is a mutt when it comes to linguistic purity. 

Over the years various governments, federal, provincial and European in our colonial days, have tried to codify the cultural and linguistic duality of Canada.  They all failed. 

Canadians, however, recognize it.  Quebec is a different part of Canada.  Just like Seattle is different from Hartford, or Philly is different from New York City, Quebec is different from Ontario.  Canadians tend not to give a rat’s ass about it most of the time, unless the politicians start stirring up nonsense, which they do roughly every ten years.

Where the difficulty comes in is the definition of what is a Quebecer?  Harper didn’t bother to define it when the motion was put up the tree and has left it hanging over the heads of the rest of the country like loose stools in a mesh bag:  We’re all going to get covered by it eventually.

Depending on what translation you use, the motion recognizes Quebcois or Quebecers.  Quebecers are the people of Quebec, in the English version.  Not Francophones, just the people who reside in the province.  In the French version the Quebecois are recognized as a nation.  Other politicians have claimed that the term means "Pur Laine Quebecois’, the literal translation meaning Pure Wool Quebecers, who trace their lineage back hundreds of years in Quebec, in a francophone linguistic and cultural context that pointedly ignores those who are not. 

I have no gripe with Quebec being recognized as a nation within Canada, until you try to define who is member of that nation.  That is the danger area. 

Theoretically, I can claim membership because I speak enough French to get by, have eaten poutine, been to a cabane a sucre and know the words A Ton a Tour.  I also claim membership because I’ve been to Jarry Park to watch Le Grand Orange play, love Schwartz’ smoked meat and have been to the Maple Leaf Bar in Rimouski.  Hell, I’ve even seen Jean Beliveau play for the Montreal Canadiens in the Forum and have bought beer at a Dep at an ungodly hour, while drunk.  Does that make me a Quebecois? 

I fondly remember Steinbergs, Ogilvy’s and Pascal.  I’ve seen Gilles Vigneault and played Ginette Reno music on the radio.  I thought Rene Simard was a freak along with Patsy Gallant and Corey Hart.  Andy Kim was OK and I can give you a very concise plot of Balconville.  I can cuss in both official languages, lusted after Madeline Kronby on the beloved Chez Helene and smoked duMaurier as my brand for quite a while.  I’ll admit to drinking Bras D’Or when it was 12 percent alcohol and have enjoyed Maudite! from Unibroue, both in a legitimate brasserie and a taverne, not a bar.  I’ve been to Club SuperSexe, eaten brochettes and prayed at Marie, Reine de la Monde.  

I know how to make proper feves au lard, boulets and enjoy cretonnes Chez Cora.  I have done Reveillon.  If browsing Allo Police! at the Provi-Soir checkout is a condition of membership, then I’m applying.  If eating a Jos. Louis is it, I’m in, but I prefer the Mae West.  I even know what you mean by Je Me Souviens and have walked on what is left of the Plains of Abraham. 

Am I a pur laine Quebecois?  I happen to be Canadian thank you.  This means I can exist outside of arbitrary definitions of who is or who is not a member of any group by being able to accept and appreciate all the groups that make up Canada. 

The only people who are pur laine anything are the First Nations who greeted the various explorers, pointed out that little village over there and called it Kanata.  

American Translation:  Texas is being recognized by Washington as a separate, distinct society in the US.  There are no powers associated with it, just the recognition that Texas and Texans are different from the rest of the US.  The rest of the US are going "and I’m supposed to give a shit why?"  Texans are trying to define themselves as the only people who can use "Y’all" as a noun, verb, adverb, adjective, conjunction and gerund, while driving a pickup truck with a "Don’t Mess With Texas" bumper sticker. 

There seems to be some kind of fear that President Jo Jo The Idiot Boy has regarding using the actual word Civil War regarding Iraq.  By any sane definition Iraq is in a civil war.  The insurgency attacks at will, American soldiers, Iraqi security services, local cops, even recruits, just for the sheer terror of being able to hit back.  The results are grisly.

The insurgents know the ground.  They know every corner, rock, car, garden shed and crawl space.  Using either old-school terror or active support from the local population, the insurgents can amble around looking for the right place and time to strike, blending in with the neighborhood. 

To fight that kind of war, conventional military movement in depth and force does not work.  It was tried for a decade in Viet Nam and the US never learned the lesson:  You can’t fight an insurgency without resorting to terror just as heinous as the insurgents.

The Viet Cong in the south of the country used some fairly simple tactics:  Kill the village elder in the square then ask if anyone has any objections to helping the Viet Cong.  Drafting all the young men at the point of gun helped adjust local attitudes.  So did inviting all the locals to provide food, shelter and work for the insurgents, with the implication being your shack will burn to the ground if you don’t help.

This is an extension of "If you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow" and worked very well for the Viet Cong.  It also worked nicely for the Afghans fighting the Russians and works well for the Chechyn rebels today. 

Subsistence farmers and peasants don’t give a flying fig about liberation politics, return of the homeland, a Constitution, global geopolitics or the War on Terror:  They just want to be left alone to raise enough crops to remain alive, raise their children and hopefully not die of starvation next winter.  They are politically inert, but they can be swayed via terror, depending on who is nearby. 

This has shown up in Afghanistan more than once.  Militias that were ostensibly on the side of the coalition, changed sides in mid battle when the insurgents offered more money, or offered to not slaughter their families.  Loyalty does have its price.

To defeat an insurgency you have two choices:  Become even more feared beasts than the insurgents or give up and go home to let the insurgents devolve into their tiny little pockets of insane tribal warlords.  This is what happened in Somalia:  The whole country collapsed by every measure you care to mention and devolved to armed tribal cliques whose individual territory was measured by city blocks or double digit acres. 

How do you fix it?  The fast answer is you can’t until a ‘country’ decides it wants help.  If the US were to pull out now and offer a post-WWII Marshall Plan kind of massive financial support to Iraq, the results would be very predictable:  Massive theft by warlords, enrichment of a very few and no help whatsoever for the average citizen. 

This would be followed by mass starvation, refugees everywhere and the rise of another Saddam-like charismatic figure promising everything and delivering terror from a loyal, well-fed secret police. 

In recent history, that is exactly what happened in post-WW I Germany.  The only reason the National Socialist Party succeeded was because average folks couldn’t afford to live in an economy that was crushed and the onerous conditions of the Treaty of Versailles.  It took about 14 years to get rocking full-bore, 1919 to 1935, more or less.  Go read The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by William Shier if you want the backstory.

In Iraq we have the added complication of religious infighting, the general weirdness of the Middle East, plus Big Oil and Big Money.  My guess?  If the US pulls out tomorrow afternoon, Iraq will collapse into another Darfur or Somalia in less than a year.  Iran and Saudi Arabia will come in to try and keep the lid on, at least a bit.  They will fail miserably with half-measures because Iran and Saudi Arabia don’t want to get too involved and wind up importing all kinds of madness from the remains of Iraq.   

Things will devolve into local and regional warlords, as their focus will have to be local, rather than national or international.  Big Money and Big Oil will piss and moan but won’t be able to do anything about it.  After five years and a half-dozen UN resolutions full of sound and fury, signifying nothing, some kind of Charismatic Leader will appear, firmly in the pocket of Big Money and Big Oil.  I give it until 2012 more or less.

The summation?  Iraq is done for already.  The mistakes happened in 2003 because President Jo Jo The Idiot Boy wanted a ride on a plane and to stand in front of a banner on an aircraft carrier.  His plane ride has cost nearly 3,000 lives so far, plus the two or three million other lives that will be lost in the next five years. 

Which explains why the term Civil War is never used by Jo Jo The Idiot Boy.  It is an admission of guilt.  He knows that "Mission Accomplished" banner is dripping a lot of blood. 

In an ugly moment that could best be described as a complete freakout, Michael Richards, the actor who played Kramer on "Seinfeld" lost the handle at a comedy club in LA.  Captured on video, the rant featured a very generous use of the ‘n’ word and references to lynching.  On Monday night Michael Richards was on David Letterman and apologized profusely for his meltdown in a slightly disconnected but more or less genuine mea culpa.

I’m going to be up front here, so hang onto the keyboard, I am going to use the ‘n’ word.  Calling someone a nigger is not appropriate.  The word is too loaded with emotional, political and power dynamics that go back into a very ugly piece of history. 

In my personal memory, black people were hung from trees and beaten to death for no more of a crime that being black.  I still remember asking my father why the police were beating the people on TV and being told it was because they were niggers.  That didn’t make sense to me.  Sure, they were different colours, but they were just people.  Later I found a history book or twelve that helped me understand.  Not all of it, but at least as much as a white boy growing up in suburban Canada could grasp. 

Kids don’t know what race is until they are taught it.  Kids recognize visual differences but it doesn’t seem to matter to children, as long as their playmates are fun to play with or have cool toys.  I always liked the Nishimura kids down the street, because they had a seemingly endless supply of Super Tonka toys that they would let me play with.  I knew they were Japanese; Brian Nishimura told me they were.  I could see that their eyes were different from mine and they didn’t get the same kind of tan I got in the summer, but I didn’t know what "Japanese" meant from a sociological, cultural, historical or racial point of view and I didn’t care. 

I have used the word nigger myself.  I’m not proud of it and I now realize the utter insensitivity, hurtfulness and ignorance of it.  Apologizing doesn’t make it right, but that’s the best I can do to make amends.

I also object to persons of colour using nigger to describe other members of their own race, as in the colloquial greeting of "Hey nigger!".  It just sits wrong with me.  Why do it?  Why perpetuate a stereotype and hate words?  But, some people of colour believe it is acceptable.  This is a shade of the Spike Lee "It’s a black thing, you wouldn’t understand." generalization.  Fair enough.  I don’t understand.  I’d like to understand, but if you think I won’t get it, then I can live with your decision. 

What I’m working towards, and not quite getting there yet, is my approach to racism and a suggestion or two of how to react to someone using terms like nigger to describe someone else. 

It is hard to put into words because, well, I’m white.  British/Irish/Scottish Empire Loyalist Caucasian Canadian Mutt is my ethnic heritage.  I come from a long historical line of being on top in terms of money, power, race and oppression.  I’ve never been called a racial epithet and never felt the sting, hurt or confusion of being called a racial name.   

I have felt like a fish out of water on a number of occasions.  Notably in Ha Noi, Viet Nam, where I was a rarity that stuck out.  A six-foot tall Canadian on a tiny Honda 90 scooter means you can’t hide.  I was stared at occasionally, usually by kids who had never seen someone like me.  It never made me feel uncomfortable, but I also knew I had an airline ticket out of Viet Nam.  Had I lived there, perhaps it would have been different.  I don’t know.

The racial term Caucasian, African, Mongol or Innu is a grouping of physical characteristics that act as a shorthand descriptor from a genetic or anthropological standpoint.  There are subsets:  Most Norwegians are a different white from someone from Smiths’ Falls, Ontario.  We can split those hairs for weeks if you’d like, but the reality is, we’re all of some kind of genetic race, a subset of Homo Sapiens. 

We’re also a cultural race, as race and culture are very tightly intertwined.  Sometimes it is as simple as dress.  People who live in sub-Saharan Africa dress differently from someone in Mississauga.  An element is climate based, but mostly it is cultural and that includes religion as part of culture. 

Unfortunately humans are very visual animals and we pick up on purely visual clues to make up our minds in hundredths of a second based on what we see and have learned.          

The next step is where racism steps in:  Seeing another person, then categorizing them, we apply a set of expected behaviors and values to anyone exhibiting certain visual clues, usually with a negative implication, before we make eye contact, or know their name.  You can recite as many learned racial stereotypes as I can; there’s no need to list them. 

Applying racial stereotypes is the wrong behavior as far as I’m concerned.  Since it is a learned behavior, we can unlearn it.

The first step to unlearning is to recognize you are thinking in a stereotype.  Just stop and think for a beat.  Why did I just pat my wallet, or purse?  Was there some obvious threat or reason why I patted my wallet when an Elbonian walked by?  What made me think that particular person was Elbonian?  Why do I think all Elbonians are pickpockets? 

Looking for evidence of the why you feel, or think or react in a certain way forces to you recognize that the ‘evidence’ is non-existent and the stereotype is wrong.  All Elbonians are horse-thieves and herring chokers, not pickpockets.  I am kidding.  Relax. 

Part of unlearning stereotypes is also confronting others who use negatives to describe other groups of people.  As an example, when Michael Richards went off, the audience voiced their disapproval.  Good.  They should have.  People walked out.  Good.  They should have.  Michael Richards apologized.  Good.  He should have.  People are really upset.  Good.  They should be.

Better wisdom comes from, I think, George Carlin.  Why dislike a group of people for some broad idea, when you should take the time and get to know an individual, then really hate them for something specific?

Perhaps the best wisdom though, comes from two books.  The first book is Uprooting Racism:  How White People Can Work For Racial Justice by Paul Kivel.  The second book is whatever religious document you might happen to have some affinity for:  Do Unto Others is in there somewhere.

Breaking news out of the Drudge Report that Fox has canceled the OJ book and interview.  Not confirmed yet.  We’ll see.

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Since the Republican election rout a couple of weeks ago, the Republican Reptiles are now lining up to get off the ship, ably assisted by Democrats.  In a couple of weeks you won’t find anyone with a Republican membership card who was in favour of the war in Iraq. 

I suppose quite a few of them will claim that their addiction to booze/pills/porn/snack cakes/raw power will be their excuse for voting for the war.  Many will check into a 30-day rehab to get over their illness:  ("It was the Little Debbie cakes that made me believe Colin Powell at the UN when he talked about WMD’s") 

It still doesn’t solve the problem of what to do about Iraq.  Since there are no truly clear answers, there have been a number of people coming forward with their opinions, some considered, some hallucinatory and some simply daft.

The Pentagon has reduced Iraq to three scenarios:  Go Long, Go Big or Go Home.  Go Long means stay for the next five, ten, twenty years.  Go Big calls for troops on every streetcorner.  Go Home, means pack up the tents and tanks then toss the Iraq government the keys with a ‘fair thee well’. 

All three simplistic scenarios have three simplistic results:  Go Long means the US will go bankrupt trying to pay for it.  Go Big means bringing back Selective Service to feed more troops into a slow-spinning human Cuisinart.  Go Home means fighting terrorists at home in six months.

There are upsides to each scenario, at least if you are on Dick Cheney’s speed-dial.  Go Long means Haliburton, Blackwater and the rest of the Cheney’s Buddies will make even more money.  After all, Go Long means more need for private contractors to do what the Pentagon should be doing, but doesn’t, can’t or won’t.  As an example, most of the IT, foodservice, housekeeping and transport functions in Iraq are performed by private contractors, not the military.  Go look at the careers section at www.kbr.com.  There are 373 jobs in Iraq open as of today.     

Go Big could see the biggest reduction in unemployment since the Second World War as a big piece of the population between 18 and 42 are invited to attend, no RSVP needed.  Of course, all these new soldiers will need guns and groceries.  The Pentagon will have to farm that out to private industry to teach the newly minted soldiers which end of a weapon is the naughty end and which end is the cuddly end.  Someone will invent a way to teach parade drill using an iPod, text messaging, skater tunes or urban beats.    

Go Home?  Cheney will get his cherished police state.  The military will be expanded to search under every tulip, tree and julep for terrorists.  Private companies will be set up to provide ‘security’ for the government.  Security will mean 24-7-365 observation of all suspects.  After all, if you have nothing to hide, you won’t object to being watched for your own security.  At least the ports and borders will be secured, several years too late.  It will probably be done by a private company who can do it for less than the Pentagon can. 

In any of the cases, someone has to pay for it.  Let’s see, who can pay for it.  Hmmmm.  That would be you.  It is just outrageous enough, but almost plausible, that you will be sent a bill for Homeland Security, attached to your 1040 form.  They might even work it like the airline ticket surcharges, just jammed in there, no discussion, no recourse.  You will be giving us $10 a day to fight terror, Visa, MasterCard, Amex, Discovery accepted. 

The media is all a twitter with the pending O.J. Simpson interview and book "If I Did It" that purports to explain how the slaughter of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman may have happened back in 1994.

To be fair, O.J. Simpson was acquitted by the courts in a criminal trial that was at best a clown show, run by Lance Ito, with a supporting cast including Mark Furman, Kato Kaelin, Johnny Cochrane, Marcia Clark and a bunch of other folks who are best left nameless and forgotten.  Still, he was acquitted by a jury of his peers and that’s where that has to stay.  On the civil side, Ron Goldman’s family won a civil judgement that O.J. Simpson had something to do with the murder and were awarded a judgement of $33.5 million dollars against O.J.

The Goldman family have received less than sweet F.A. from that judgement.  Somehow O. J. still manages to live well in Florida, golfing, going out to dinner, having a grand old time with various hangers on, thrill-seekers and publishers.  Every six months or so, he resurfaces, grabs a few headlines, gets his ego stroked and then submerges below the event horizon.

For sweeps week at the end of November and in parallel with the release of the book "If I Did It", FOX will air two, one-hour interviews, with O.J. explaining how the murders might have been done, had O. J. actually done them.  The book and the interviews promise to be the media event of this month, even if half the hype comes to fruition.  Everything is predicated on the "If…"  as in I didn’t do but if I did.  He’s entitled to that protection and so am I

Here’s my "If".  I might have the opinion that…

In order to settle his debt to the Goldman family, society will hire OJ at federal minimum wage ($5.15 an hour) for the general good of society.  Half of his earnings will go immediately to retire the $33.5 million owing.   I have some work for O. J.

O. J. Simpson should be paraded along the Main street of every city, town, village and unincorporated rural municipality, so we can throw vegetables at him. 

I might like to see him put out at the local golf driving range so we can practice our drives.  I propose an ankle chain and a stake out near the 150 yard marker.  He can dodge all he wants, after all, he was a very good running back, but with 75 duffers pounding Titelists at him, we’ll see some solid hits.  Five bucks a bucket, proceeds going to various charities. 

O.J. Simpson should be rented out as a paintball target for parties.  Dress him up like Osama Bin Laden if you want and hand out the air guns to the kids.  Or as a dunk tank victim landing in tepid chicken broth, sewage, or abattoir runoff.

He could be used for cosmetics.  Put his head in a restraint and swab mascara in his eyes on an hourly basis.  See what happens.  Test adhesive bandages on his testicles.  See if the bandages rip out hairs when you pull them off.  Perhaps we could test Olestra on him?  See if the ‘oily discharge’ is just a one in a hundred side affect or a real, long term problem.  Then see if a truly high fibre diet prevents colorectal problems. 

O.J. could be used as leech bait to collect Dick Cheney’s lunch.  Troll him on a hook behind a motorboat in a swamp near Reston, VA.   

He could be made to wash cars, clean outhouses, or teach ethics to political representatives.  Actually, I’d make him listen to a five day lecture on ethics from Jeffrey Skilling, Ollie North and Henry Kissinger.

Once a year he could be paraded through Beverly Hills, in the Brentwood area and made to clean the curbs with a toothbrush.  If people want to line up along the curbs and piss on his head, so be it.  I don’t necessarily hold that to be my actual opinion.   

After all, If I had that as an opinion, that might be what my opinion might be.  Of course, that is not my opinion.   

What we can really do about this whole sordid mess is simple.  Do not buy the book.  Do not watch the interviews.  Do not give them your money.

Go directly to the bookstore manager and tell them that as long as that book is in stock, you will not buy anything from the store. 

Write a letter to the TV station saying you will not watch anything on their channel as long as they insist on airing the interviews.  If you get a Nielsen diary, or other audience survey, explicitly state you will not watch that particular channel and will forbid anyone else in the household from watching it as well.

Do not buy any magazine or newspaper that covers the event.  Very specifically, but politely, state that you will not give them your money and why.

The "Why"?  I refuse to fund any organization that will profit from this outrage.