Osama and Voting

Call this a two’fer as we’re going to deal with Osama bin Laden, then the Canadian Federal election. 

Osama Bin Laden is dead and right now the Black Helicopter Brigade is working up a good lather that:

1: It wasn’t really Osama Bin Laden, but his identical twin brother Stan Bin Laden.  The real Osama Bin Laden is still driving a cab in Cincinnati.

2: The body wasn’t actually buried at sea, but transported to a subterranean medical lab near Quantico where the CIA is using alien technology to bring Bin Laden back to life.  This is the same lab where the crippled JFK lived out his years in a wheelchair after Dallas and where Walt Disney’s brain is kept in cryogenic suspended animation. 

3: It was all staged in a hangar in Area 51

4: Barack Obama had Bin Laden killed to keep him from revealing that Obama wasn’t born in Hawaii, or Kenya, but that Barack Obama is actually from Tel Aviv and his Dad owned a fleet of scooters that he would rent to tourists.  Barack Obama’s real name is Moshe Ben Momser and Michelle Obama is actually a white guy named Kenneth in excellent, stylish, fashion-forward drag.

5: The luxurious compound where the fake Osama Bin Laden lived just outside of Islamabad was actually owned by the Russian government and was an abortion clinic designed to harvest stem cells from Pashtun fighters’ wives as a way for the former Soviet government to breed their own super-race of guerilla fighters to take down the Afghan Taliban to secure oil supplies for China.

Or, maybe, just maybe, the US Government got it all right and sent SEAL Team Six in to do what needed to be done.  Then they got it done.  Mind you, we are curious about the ‘hiding in plain sight’ and how Bin Laden was able to pull that off in Pakistan.  Oh, pardon me, perhaps we shouldn’t ask that question too loudly as we might come across as insensitive regarding a putative ally in the War on Terror.

As for the Canadian Election?  We’re going to hold our nose and vote, as any good citizen should do.  With luck, we’ll get a Conservative Minority with the NDP in Opposition.  With further luck, the Liberals will properly implode, taking their leader and most of their membership to a warm, dark, brown, quiet place for the next couple of decades. 

Unfortunately, that means we get our national micromanaging bully back as PM so he can browbeat Cabinet and the Canadian people for the next three or four years, while giving any corporation with their hand out, a Hand Out, masquerading as a tax break, tax credit or some other accounting dodge.  The last middle-class Canadian will be kept under glass at the Museum of Civilization, while the rest of us become indentured slaves to some Calgary oil company.

We’re living in interesting times.