Guest Commentator–Mason Baveux

I’ve been too busy with other projects to write, so I have enlisted our esteemed pinch-hitter Mason Baveux to fill in this week.  May God have Mercy, he’s going to talk about Revolution.

Thanks there lad for callin’ me up outa the Blue.  I’da preferred youda called me up out a the Molson’s, but ‘tis what she be.  I missed doin the bloggery since you don’t live in Toronto no more and don’t drop by the center since she’s a five hour haul away by car, sixteen hours if you fly and a week and a half by train.  Friggin Via.

I’se wanted to talk about these here revoltings in the Arab world.  Seems that all the countries along the top of Africa what are Arab are startin to get all exercised about ‘overthrowin the dictatorships’ and getting freedomed up. 

Tunisia, which I think is where they invented Tunisia salad, kicked her off with their Jasmine Revolution.  They right shitcanned some dictator called Zine El Abidine Ben Ali who ran the show for thirty years, doin the usual dicktater nonsense of featherbedding his nest, printin his own money and then buggerin off to Parts Unknown with about $30 zillion dollars in gold.

A week and a bit later:  Egypt does’er up a treat.  Hoseme Mubarak, who what was running a hell of a Pyramid Scheme for another nearly 40 years, gets the message to “Eff Off” from the population, what called up CNN and said, just like the Price is Right, “Come on down!”  Hoseme, (who really shoulda changed his name to Howard or Hank, ‘cept it would have sounded Jewish-like) got the message too and he pissed off to some Egyptian resort called Shirrif El Sheik, which sounds like it was named for pie filling mix and prophylactics, but she’s on the sea.

Then there’s this crazy bastard Mo Quadaffy.  He’s been messed up in the head for years.  Back when Dutch Regan ran the US, Mo decided to piss on Ronnies leg and say it was rainin’ out.  But Ronnie warn’t that dumb and sent over the Air Force to bomb the snot out of Libya.  I guess the idea was to bomb’er back to the Stone Age, but the problem was Libya warn’t too far outta the Stone Age, so nobody could tell.  About all Dutch Regan did was get a rep for being tough. Then he showed Grenada what for too.

But Mo Quadaffy’s still around.  I’se saw him on the news and he looked like he’s the kinda guy what would be an Arab Michael Jackson what didn’t sing nor dance, dressed like a loon and about as crazy as as trunk full of shithouse rats.  Mo has said he’ll burn the effin joint to the ground and then sic the Army on what’s left over, if the protesters don’t all go back home.  The Libyan Army’s been busy callin in airstrikes on folks armed with sticks and rocks, but apparently outside the big city, the Army has just buggered off for a tea and ain’t come back.

What was really tellin me a lot was our government, with that shitforbrains Harper, sent over two planes to get our fellow Canadians out of Libya and both times the planes come back empty. 

Seems nobody figured out that maybe if we call up the couple of hundred Canadians living there and tell them when the plane is going to show up, they might somehow magically make their way to the friggin airport and get the hell out of Dodge.  But No, that would make friggin sense. 

What the hell kind of retard school do these people have to go to, to be that friggin dumb and still be allowed off of the ward?  Oh, that’s right, it’s our Foreign Affairs Minister, Larry, “Boom-Boom” Cannon who couldn’t organize a two-car funeral.  He’s in Cabinet dont’cha know.  Jeeze Louise, he’s got his head so far up Harper’s arse, he can almost see Peter MacKay’s shoes.

We’re waitin on Mo Quadaffy to step aside shortly.  Where we’re havin fun here at the Center is bettin on what joint is going to get revolting next.  I’se put down a loonie on it being Israel, as the Israelis don’t like being left out of nothing.  Mark the K says Kuwait is next, while Billy be callin for Algeria and Johnny Rock says it’s going to be England.  I think Johnny Rock is way out in left field;  he’s not been right since he fell off the Zamboni and got his concussion like Sid the Kid.

That’s all she wrote from here ‘cept to quote an old joke:

Sire, the peasants are revolting!

Now that’s not nice Mister Prime Minister, they’re just homely is all.