With the Olympics on the tube and some work intruding, I’ve called up our esteemed commentator Mason Baveux to pick up the Olympic thread by giving him the password to the blog.
So, Davey gave up the password to the bloggery for me to write up some Oly Moments for all to read. Now, it’s not like I’ve gone all Twattterd with them micro-bloggisms. I’m just a guy what watches the Olys and speaks my mind. Here we go:
Openin’ Ceremonials: She was about a hour too long. I liked the four totem poles comin up from the arena floor. You know what else I liked? That we finally up and recognized them First Nations as them what was here first and they be just as rightful to be part of the show. We sometimes forget that our First Nations are the guys and gals that met the Voyageurs and kept the explorers from starving to death as the Voyageurs didn’t know shit from salad in Canada.
I read some other blogs what said “What the hell was that?” about the trees and water and the flying skiers in the opening. That just tells me them other writers don’t know boo from woo about being Canadian. Canada is damn big country and it’s got a lot of land. If we didn’t get to flyin, we’d never see it all. I like to fly Molson Airways and I’ve got my stocks in for the Olys.
What I liked most of all from the opening ceremonials was the Standin O for the team from Georgia. One of their lugers lost’er on the luge run and went head first into a pole. Killed him dead in a half a second and just broke me heart as he was young and doin one of the truly dangerous sports in the Olys. Damn shame that.
Watched some of the speedy skatin what with the women’s where we won a Bronze medal. Now, I’m all for celebratin’ the female form, but Mother of Pearl, them women are so fit, their nostrils can run a marathon on their own, but someone from the Olys should mention the camel toe to them girls.
After a nap, I made sure I was ready with a fresh glass for the men’s moguls. Lord Thunderin’ Jesus!. Slide down a bumpy hill on skis, over bigarse lumps, leap ass over teakettle at least twice and try not to die while doin’ it. If the wind comes up, one of them will wind up in the crowd, impaling some kid from Scrotatia with a ski pole. Now, I watched the women the night before, basically doin’ the same thing, but during a fog attack in a rainstorm and it scared the jeebers out of me. The Men’s? They’re just plain crazy to the point of maybe being under a Lieutennant Governors warrant. But we won the Gold now didn’t we?
Curling I’m most looking forward to. The Chinese and the Koreans might just kick our arses in the roaring game, but we can drink them under the table at any bonspiel your care to mention.
Speaking of under the table, howcome nobody has talked about the 30 or so atholetes what got suspended just before the games for dopin? Was it just the snowboarders, or was there some bobsledders what were all hopped up on the wacky-tabaccy? I think there probably wasn’t no ski-jumpers in that list as you’d not want to be three sheets to the wind then jump off a big hill. Or then again, maybe you do and that’s how you do the ski jumpin’
Fancy skatin I don’t care about, unless they make the costumes look more like the wardrobe at the peeler bar. For that matter, I could even enjoy the biathlon if the IOSee went that route.
Speakin of the biathlon, I’d like to see the targets shoot back. The skier gets a round and a guy inside the target hut gets a round back at you if you miss. Or just face the shooting range on either side of the targets. If you miss, you might just get lucky and pop your competition. Oh and wolves. I’d like to see wolves in the course just to add some spice to it. That’s what you got the rifle for isn’t it?
The hockey is coming up and our Women’s team already laid a shellacking on the Slovakian’s. About half way through the second period of the Slovak – Canada women’s game, the Canadian team was bringin spectators down out of the stands to take shots at the Slovakian goalie. I saw one old gal with a walker and her portable oxygen put a wrist shot at the five-hole and get the red light to come on. Either that or the Slovak coach should have yelled “Car!” and got the hell out of the arena. At least they got a gracious standing O from the crowd for taking the beating. I think they maybe should have a 12 goal mercy and wrap the game early.
I’ll write more later, but I’m halfway into a case and I’se got to take a piss.
RoadDave 