I’m up against some deadlines at work, so I got our esteemed pinch-hitter Mason Baveux to fill in. I’ll be back as soon as possible. Mason?
Thanks now Dave. We got some catching up to do here, so we’re goin to do it like short snappers for ten points. Get your hand on the buzzer, as here we go!
Economy: In the shitter. Bad like. There’s been all kind of stories about folks gettin laid off for nothing worse than having to take an afternoon off to get a spear out of their skull. That ain’t right. Turn up pregnant? Kiss you job good bye and to hell with what the laws says. That really ain’t right.
Pensions: If it weren’t for the disability, I’d a been down at the Queens Park today offereing to give Dolthead McGuinty a spare hole. Them folks at GM who paid into the pensions for 30 years damn well deserve their full pension. They paid into it, GM agreed to match the money and the Province agreed to insure it. What the hell are we still talking about it for?
Dolthead gets his pension, no matter what, so’s what so different about a GM worker or a guy who spent 35 years on the line at Chrysler. Friggin lawyers. Do whats right Dolthead, as you ain’t Mike Harris, or is you?
The Leafs: Don’t make me laugh, my lips are chapped. Same with the Sens. I’ve seen better jokes at the amputee mime festival. The Canadiens are goin’ golfing shortly.
Harper: He’s was douchebag during the campaign. Still is.
RCMP Zapping people: Seems like someone can’t get their stories straight at that Robby Dzerchansky inquiry. They put the tazer to him five times, when all the really needed to do was put the boots to him. I ain’t met anyone yet, no matter what language they speak, who don’t understand a nightstick across the forearm and a boot to the nuts. It means get the hell down and shut the hell up.
But noooo, the Mounties have to go all technical and wind up electrocuting the guy five times. No wonder he’s dead but then the Mounties can’t get their stories straight. Jeeze lads, look at the effin tape and at least try to be close to what you see. If you frigged it all up, at least say so. All I hear is four guys tap dancing around the facts so hard they’re wearing out the carpet. Man up a bit.
Conquest Vacations going mammaries up: I don’t know about that, but i bet someone is gettin paid twice.
Obama: So far, so good. He’s running 6 for 10 so far, but at least he’s talking about draggin Cheney into court with Rumsfeld and a couple of other arseholes. ‘Cept the economy is in the ditch and the bankers are laffin’ all the way to their Swiss bank accounts. I’d be draggin in some bankers too.
Roll Up The Rim: Timmy’s did their contest again. I didn’t win so much as a free Dutchie, never mind the SUV or the lotion massage from Charlize Theron.
Mexican drug lords: Fer shiite sakes lads, if there’s money to be made, there’s someone whats going to get a gun and steal it. We been fightin a War on Drugs since Ronnie Regan and we haven’t so much as won a battle, let alone the war.
Give it up. Sell it like booze, except you need to show ID every time, then tax the snot out of it, like smokes. If you want to go all wacky on the tabaky, go for it. Just don’t drive the car. Stay home and get all stupid as much as you want.
I’m thinking we need more stupid people as our leaders, as the ones what are supposed to be really smart, sure haven’t done that good. Maybe its time for the stupid to give’er a go
Seasons: I smelled that Spring smell a couple of weeks ago. Smells like dog poop thawing out, so’s it must be spring here. That and the flooding in Manitoba are usually a dead giveaway that I can get my summer hat out. That would be the CAT hat, instead of the Wilton Cheese hat.
Wind turbines: A note to the guys what want to run all the electricity off them wind turbines? Don’t put’em too close to houses until we figure out if people gettin the shakey jakes from the turbines is real or fake. Rather than putting up one big jeezly one, maybe two or three smaller ones might do’er.
Susan Boyle: She’s a fine figure of a woman and can sing like an angel. Even if she goes all Hollywoody and gets her own reality show, I still like how she sings. Until she cold-cocks her personal assistant with a cell phone, give her a break.
Bacon: It it just me, or is bacon getting so thin you can do shadow puppets through it. In my day, bacon actually had more than two dimensions. Now what they’re calling bacon looks like a photo of bacon that you can eat. I want the old kind of bacon, that you could actually pick up without it shattering like Mrs. Bernies hip replacement.
Omar Khodder: (I don’t think I spelled his name right there, but you know the guy I mean. The one the Americans put in Gitmo when he was fifteen) Bring him home, as he’s Canadian and was a kid soldier. Stick him in Millhaven if you want, but we look after our folks first. I’m not saying he’s not guilty, or guilty, but after five years the Americans can’t even prove he was there, so somebodies bullshitting us. Oh, thats right. Douchebag Harper is our Prime Minister, so what the courts say don’t matter none.
Cell Phones: It is just me, or does everyone have one growing out of their heads these days. I swear I saw an infant in a stroller goin “goo goo” on his cellphone to him mom, not four feet away, who was on her cellphone. If that keeps happening, the next generation is going to have one arm that’s only five inches long, just enough to hold a phone to their ear. Maybe somebody should teach the kids how to fly kites or catch frogs.
That’s all I got. I know Dave’s been busy, so’s I might get to write more. It’s up to him.
RoadDave 