Piracy Returns

In the piece of ocean that runs around the right hand side of Africa, more or less from Madagascar to the Cape, pirates are looming large.  Shake your head for a minute, as these pirates are not Jack Sparrow or Bluebeard, but contemporary pirates in high speed power boats, armed to the teeth, who take over ships.  Sometimes they take the cargo if it’s small enough, but mostly the pirates hold the crews and ships for ransom.

Currently, the going rate is $2 Million for a crew, but the pirates have been known to settle for $12 dollars and a carton of Marlboros.  Yesterday the pirates took over a $100 million dollar cargo of crude oil in a supertanker, the Sirius Star. 

The ship owners aren’t really worried about the cargo, just the crew, as they should be, but there is a concern that the pirates aren’t very good at seamanship and might crack the tanker open by running it aground.  The Sirius Star can carry 2 million barrels of crude oil and at 300,000 tons is more than three times the size of the USS Ronald Reagan (CVN-76) at 97,000 gross tons.  The Sirius Star is not a small ship.

Pirates have taken cargo ships of every size and even container ships carrying your xBox or Playstation as part of the cargo.  Pirates have also put the grab on international relief supplies, grabbing a ship full of wheat earlier this year.

One notable pirate effort about three months ago netted a cargo ship containing Russian armoured tanks and weapons.  The pirates are almost always armed with machine guns and Rocket Propelled Grenades, also known as the Hezbollah Happy Stick or the Beirut Knock-Knock.  The mariners are armed with a flare gun and sharp pencils, so things are in the pirate’s favour.  

Piracy however, is not just limited to the Indian Ocean side of Africa.  Java and the China Sea are also big piracy areas.  Again, fast power boats with heavily armed pirates storm aboard to rob and kidnap for ransom. 

Which leads me to a simple solution to the piracy problem.  In the Second World War, the Germans had a fleet of what were called Merchant raiders, or Hilfskreuzers.  They were fast freighters that were armed; their objective to sink other merchant ships, disrupting commerce.

Of the German merchant raiders of WWII, like Pinguin, Michel and Kormoran the tactic was to add bits of superstructure, like theatrical stage props so the ship could not be recognized by other mariners.  On occasion, crew members would walk baby carriages around the deck, dressed as women and civilian men, to appear to be an innocent ship with passengers.  Then, within range of the guns, the merchant raider would open fire.  The Allies did it too:  So did the Japanese.

To combat contemporary piracy about all that is needed is one or two older, but reasonably fast freighters with attractive cargoes.  List the ship names and cargo as one would normally do and sail on around.  Along with the crew of 25 or so mariners, would be a couple of platoons of very grumpy soldiers.  The UN could provide the basics, but countries like the US, Canada, Britain, France, Israel, Russia and the Czech Republic could take it in turns to provide a platoon or two for Piracy Control duty.

Upon the unwelcome arrival of the pirates along side the ship, (the single overt act needed to justify things) the Piracy Control Officers would start shooting.  Not some flimsy NATO round either.  I’d want to see a .50 cal delivering The Bad News. 

A .50 is old, uncomplicated, belt-fed technology that will chop the pirate speedboats into flaming fibreglass flotsam in a few seconds:  The bullet is exactly one half-inch around, about as long as your little finger and moves at 2910 feet per second.  The beauty of the weapon is it doesn’t demand a billion-dollar contract with Lockheed, expensive GPS technology or repositioning international warships.  All the system needs is a skilled and willing pair of hands on the butterfly and someone to feed it another belt.

For the pirates left alive, let them swim home across 20 miles of ocean, but fish out one and send him back ashore with a simple message attached to his shirt:  "Dear Sirs, Eff-off and don’t do that again.  With kindest personal regards, The UN."

Then drive the ship around the corner, adjust some of the profile with theatrical set pieces, paint on a new name and sail back the other way, keeping to another fake ship, cargo and schedule. Odds are the pirates use this tool, Lloyds Register, to see what ship is where, carrying what.  Remember to change the locator beacon too.

Or, simply lag behind another freighter by a mile or two.  See if the message has been received.  If not, repeat the topical application of .50 cal rounds.  It shouldn’t take more than a couple of trips a month for six months to explain things.

Yes, it is politically incorrect, needlessly violent and very likely fatal to the pirates who are being deprived of their day in court.  One must remember that the pirates aren’t offering their victims a day in court either, as slitting the captured captain’s throat and tossing him overboard is not uncommon to achieve the crew’s cooperation.  Fair is fair. 

It might mean we don’t get an ecological disaster from pirates running a tanker aground somewhere and your might just get your xBox for Christmas. Call it enlightened self-interest.