South of the border, the Treasury Department’s Bailout The Base program is going forward with all the determination of a Gulfstream business jet full of financiers heading to Hilton Head for golf.
Today, Amex is now a bank holding company, at least according the US Federal Reserve which means American Express can cozy up to the government money teat for a suckle. Amex is seeking $3.5 Billion in funds to directly invest in financial firms, at least according to the Wall Street Journal.
One would suppose that if you put a box in your garage and offered to take deposits from the neighbours, you too could be a ‘bank’. Then you could nipple-up for a couple of Billion dollars in FedBucks and get your own personal bailout.
Except the lineups are long and you’re too busy trying to pay your bills to actually be a bank. You don’t have Henry Paulson or Ben Bernanke on your speed dial either, but that’s another issue.
Henry the FrankenFinancier is opening the gates to anyone in The Base, under the direction of President Jo Jo The Idiot Boy and Shotgun Dick. There’s always some slush in the last days of an administration (viz. Clinton and various pardons) but this is approaching the Department of Silly.
I’m waiting for Exxon and Chevron to cry poor over the dropping price of crude and cozy up to the Fed for a nice drink of $11 Billion or so. After all, Exxon and the other Oil Oligarchs have credit cards and since Amex can become a bank, well, come on Dubya, let them in too. GM, Ford and Chrysler all have credit stuff, so we’ll make sure they get a taste, at least until House sets up its own feeding station.
Don’t forget consultants, like the Carlyle Group, or lobbyists and PAC’s that have a Republican presence, as they’re all hurtin’ in this financial mess. They need support, as they’re the engine that makes it all work right? Come on down, with your Republican credentials and get you some!
Haliburton is sorely being tested these days, what with declining oil revenues and not nearly enough spendin’ in the war. Heck, make them a bank, right up there with KBR and Blackwater, as y’all need to be keepin’ them terrorists at bay too. Blackwater Bank. Has a nice ring to it, I say. American Heritage Institute Savings and Loan, yep, works for us.
Hail, even make Rush Limbaugh a bank. Y’all knows his ego can qualify for a local zoning exemption. Make him a bank and give him a place in the hog pen to find him some God-divined sustenance from the mighty breast of the generous American People!
If it weren’t for patriots like Rush Limbaugh employing four or five people, well, the whole economy would fold up in a Crawford Texas Minute, so we have to bail him out too. And give his fat bottom State’s Rights while you’re at it, Lord know’s it’s big enough.
Henry! Crank up them presses, we need more dollars over here!
RoadDave 