(Since they’re beating the term like a red-headed stepchild, I’m going to trademark Republican for Change(tm) That’s mine!)
Here’s the short strokes on Sarah Palin, for good or ill, now that we’ve had a couple of weeks of her as run through the filter of the party handlers and speech writers. Especially after her interview with Charles Gibson of ABC.
What we’ll do, as an exercise only, is move the calendar to 2011.
Assume the McCain-Palin Republicans for Change(tm) ticket wins the Presidential election in the US with a reasonable plurality.
Assume the economy keeps wobbling along on three wheels, two of which are flat-spotted from the War in Iraq then Afghanistan and the Fannie Mae – Freddy Mac bailout. Taxes for everyone but the "base" go up to pay for it. Funny that.
Assume Vladimir Putin, via his lapdog Dmitry Medvedev decides to crank up something along the lines of a Oil-Based Cold War doing the Geo-Political Two-Step. Watch for the oil taps to Europe being turned off, on and off again, depending on how much Putin gets the night before, the locations of the US Missile Defence Shield and which former Soviet-bloc country is on Putin’s shitlist that morning. ("Georgia, no, Hungary, no, We did the Ukraine last week and it wasn’t any fun. Let’s mess with Estonia! Dmitry, turn the taps off and tell NATO to kiss my ass!)
Assume China wakes up one morning with an insatiable thirst for oil beyond what it has now, but wants the oil at a ‘friends’ price. Putin tells China to cornhole a panda. ("Pектально нарушьте панду для того чтобы держать тепло!" would be the approximate translation)
China and Russia start making ugly noises at each other. The last time was in 1969, but that was before various pipelines across the ‘Stans started pumping oil to Europe. There are several important oil and gas pipelines in Kazakhstan. (For those who have forgotten, or never took, post-Soviet geography, Kazakhstan is in the top left corner of China.)
This would be what could be loosely described as a global "Uh Oh…" moment where the person in the Big Chair in Washington needs to step up.
Of the four US candidates in 2008, both Veeps and both Prez’s, two have the track record and expertise to either do the job, or provide good advice. That would be John McCain or Joe Biden for those keeping score.
However, let us assume the actuarial tables are correct about John McCain, as the calendar is now 2011.
Assume that Sarah Palin is in the Big Chair in Washington and has a Secretary of State with the depth of Tom Delay. Or, the guy who runs the Zamboni at the Wasilla Multi-Use Sports Complex. His nickname is Slappy and he’s been wearing a hockey helmet every day since Grade 2 when the door to the short bus opened in front of the school.
Condi Rice can’t be tapped as she was not a Republican for Change(tm). Being single and childless at her age, Condi must be one of ‘those’ people and can’t be trusted as Rice will corrupt everyone who comes in contact with her. Plus, Rice is black and obviously just a community organizer with a big resume.
Shotgun Dick Cheney is still in the Undisclosed Location and refuses to leave. A dome has been placed over the Undisclosed Location to keep out the curious and if truth be told, to keep Cheney in. There were too many incidents with illegal-alien prostitutes going missing after ICE agents raided meat-packing plants.
Kousin Karl is back on the Rubber Chicken Circuit with Ari Fleisher, doing a double-act for the "base" at $150,000 a night. The line that gets the biggest laugh from the ‘base’ is when Karl Rove silently mouths the word ‘health care’.
Donnie Rumsfeld is still on the sofa in Virginia, watching the UFC Championship on SpikeTV drinking Dr.Pepper cut with grain alcohol.
Palin knows enough not to call Former President Jo Jo The Idiot Boy for advice: He’s in Crawford being distracted by a sock puppet with a shiny collar and a microphone who is offering to pre-approve him for a car loan. Laura’s been hitting the Atavan pretty hard since the inauguration and looks more like a Hummel figurine than a human, especially since the other Bush twin took up with some DJ who used to date Lindsay Lohan.
This leave who to advise the boss? Pat Buchanan? The Joint Chiefs? Dougie Feith? David Frum? Slappy? Or does she fall back on her hockey mom experience and send China and Russia for a ‘time out’?
There’s lack of experience, but the real problem is lack of bench strength. There won’t be anyone left with a lick of sense to provide advice if the Republicans for Change(tm) take office.
By 2011 the last of the most venal Ronald Regan – Ed Meese era Republican Reptiles will have retired. In their place will be policy wanks who can mouth the platitudes but don’t know how to actually do the job unless someone tells them how. That would be the lobbyists and think-tank yahoos.
Expect the US Military to be outsourced, along with the FAA, the FDA, Homeboy Security, the GAO and the VA. Even the guys who keep the Eternal Flame burning on Kennedy’s grave at Arlington National Cemetery will be ‘rationalized’ then hired for $5.95 an hour by a division of Haliburton.
This tells me the real strategy, the true reality, is that McCain and Palin are cardboard cutouts doing the bidding of the Republicans Reptiles. McCain, less so, but Palin could easily be construed as something that fell off the Central Casting truck. Which means all the McCain-Palin talk about Change is merely that: Talk.
Perhaps what they mean by Republicans for Change(tm) is exactly how much you’ll have left of your paycheck.
RoadDave 