Today is the 141st birthday of Canada. For those south of the 49th, July 4th, is the American equivalent of Canada Day. Which is reason enough for some consideration of What It Means To Be Canadian.
First off, being Canadian means you’re considered ‘safe’ by the rest of the world, from the standpoint of imperialism, wars, oil, food and the rest of the other nonsense. In many countries a Canadian passport means the Customs folks wave you through with barely a cursory inspection.
Second: An impression by others that you’re boring. Which is fine, as it allows us to keep under the radar, get things done and get out with nary a ripple. Sure, we’re the New Zealand or Switzerland of North America. We like it.
Third: An inbred appreciation of food that includes: Pot stickers, perogies, onion bhaji, curried goat roti, hommus, gelato, ‘cue, tea, rum and beer. Our multicultural nature means you don’t stick to one type of cuisine, your plate is an international buffet and the salad bar is a forty-foot long agglomeration of everything. By the way, that’s what the white folks eat. Persons of different heritages have an appreciation for even more stuff that you can’t pronounce.
Four: You don’t declare bankruptcy if you break your ankle. We have cradle to grave health care. Yes, it’s not perfect and in some ways downright crap, but it’s head and shoulders above the rest of the world. We pay for it in higher taxes, but not as high as Scandinavian countries, for instance.
Five: You don’t have to worry about approaching the cops, unlike other countries where the police are the biggest group of thieves and killers. You might get hit with a Taser for no good reason, but generally, the police is on our side. The politicians suck in Canada, like everywhere else.
Six: The CBC is second to no one as an international broadcaster of repute.
Seven: Familiarity with Chez Helene, The Friendly Giant, Mr Dressup, Gordon Lightfoot, Anne Murray, Glenn Gould, Oscar Peterson, Robbie Robertson, Neil Young, Robert Charlebois, Chilliwack, Stompin’ Tom Connors, Geddy Lee, Kim Mitchell, Rene Simard, Great Big Sea, Bare-Naked Ladies, The Tragically Hip, Take 30, Knowlton Nash, Harvey Kirk, Lorne Green, about half of Hollywood, the X-Files and Trailer-Park Boys.
Eight: We’re really sorry about Celine Dion. All of us.
Nine: The White House. It wouldn’t be white if we hadn’t kicked your ass in the War of 1812 with a half a battalion of regular soldiers and a another half battalion of piss-drunk militia members who were just looking for a good fight, then a beer-up. Since there was nothing to do after invading Washington, some of the militia members figured burning down the President’s residence would be a great way to spend a Saturday night, after getting their drink on.
Ten: Canadian Forces 431 Demonstration Squadron. Also known as the Snowbirds, they fly ancient subsonic training jets with a precision and skill that is unbelievable. The Blue Angels pilots love to hitch rides with the Snowbirds because they know our folks bring it. The best place to see the Snowbirds is on Canada Day on Parliament Hill at noon with 299,999 of your closest friends.
Eleven: Mumbling the words to our national anthem, O Canada.
Twelve: Honestly, we’re really, really sorry about Celine Dion. Really. Cross our hearts.
Thirteen: Curling, Ice Hockey and Lacrosse. The only international sport (Curling) where drinking is considered an essential part of the game. Bareknuckle fistfights with the occasional hockey game describes the national pasttime. Then there is Lacrosse which makes tough sports like Aussie Rules Football and Rugby look like needlepoint conventions with big audiences. The only folks who aren’t scared of lacrosse are the would-be suicides who play jai lai.
Fourteen: We do lists like this every Canada Day, if only to reassure ourselves that Canada is a nice place.
Happy Canada Day eh?
RoadDave 