There’s always something tasty in the Friday Inbox. Today we hear from The Almighty.
From WOAI in San Antonio: A 50-year-old pastor from a church here in San Antonio was killed Tuesday afternoon after he was hit by a bolt of lightning while hiking with his two teenage sons, authorities told News 4 WOAI.
The man and his two sons were hiking in the Lost Maples State Natural Area near Vanderpool close to 1:30 p.m. Tuesday. It started raining and the family went to seek cover under a cedar tree, Bandera County Sheriff Don Berger said. The father was then hit by lightning and died instantly, officials said.
God was heard to say "Shit, I missed! I wanted to get that bear that was sneaking up behind them. Sorry!"
From the Miami Herald: A Broward prisoner on trial, accused of illegally masturbating in his jail cell, was found guilty of indecent exposure Tuesday. Terry Lee Alexander, 20, had been fighting the charge, which had been brought by a female Broward Sheriff’s Deputy who saw him commit the sex act in his cell.
In reaching the guilty verdict, jurors found that an inmate’s jail cell is ”a limited public place” where exposing oneself is against the law. The jury recommended that Alexander be sentenced to 60 days in jail, that on top of the 10-year sentence he is currently serving for armed robbery.
The case drew snickers in the courtroom Tuesday, especially during jury selection, when the jurors were quizzed about their masturbation habits. The awkward questioning was posed by defense attorney Kathleen McHugh, who faced 17 prospective jurors and asked point-blank who among them had never masturbated.
No hands went up.
Then, she went one-by-one, asking each prospective juror if he or she had ever masturbated. All nine men said yes, two of the 10 women said no.
God was heard to say "Bullshit!" while covering his mouth to cough and added "I know McHugh’s got a selection of power tools in her lingerie drawer that would make a sex store envious and Juror #2 can only get wet knuckles while watching The Shopping Channel. You tell me, does the defendant polishing the handrail really deserve 60 days?"
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) – Some call it the number of Satan, but the city’s taxi commission sees no reason to get rid of taxi medallion No. 666. Cab driver Michael Byrne asked the agency to retire the number that was assigned to him last year, saying it has brought him nothing but bad luck.
Some other cabbies, however, brought a touch of levity to the debate Tuesday as they argued against retirement. "How dare you take Lucifer’s number away?" said Thomas George-Williams, president of the cab drivers union, who was sporting red horns. "This is a serious issue."
The commission voted 5-1 Tuesday to keep No. 666 on the streets.
Commissioner Ton Oneto said the 666 medallion had been around for at least 30 years and San Francisco has somehow survived.
God was heard to say: "Well, at least Satan is working again as there’s nothing worse than the Prince of Darkness taking a couple of years off to re-evaluate his career. Good to have him back, but driving a cab? Oy!"
No Diamonds Around Uranus
Irene Klotz, Discovery News July 25, 2007 — Given enough carbon, pressure and time, diamonds can form — but apparently not everywhere, say researchers who developed new modeling methods to parry the notion that small diamonds could spontaneously form in the skies of giant gas planets like Uranus and Neptune.
The discovery three years ago of a white dwarf star with a solid diamond core bolstered theories that the carbon-containing atmospheres of the large outer planets were celestial diamond factories even closer to home.
"Our simulations indicate that it is extremely unlikely that diamonds could ever have nucleated from the carbon-rich middle layer of Uranus and Neptune," a team of Dutch physicists wrote in paper to be published in Physical Review Letters.
God was heard to say: "Dave, I betcha a nickel you can’t transcribe that headline without biting the end off your tongue, Deal?" Deal.
Framingham MA MetroWest Daily News Sherborn – A Sherborn teen was charged yesterday with having sex with sheep at a farm near his home, and police reports suggest the encounters may have gone on for nearly a year.
Roger Henderson II, 18, was arraigned yesterday in Natick District Court on charges of bestiality, cruelty to animals and breaking and entering in connection with an incident police say took place at Boggastow Farm on June 27.
According to a police report, the farm’s barn had been the target of at least a dozen break-ins between August 2006 and June 2007, prompting the property owner to install surveillance cameras.
Between 3 and 4 a.m. on June 27, according to police, the camera captured and filmed a person identified as Roger Henderson II. The man grabbed a sheep by its hind legs and dragged it to the corner of the stall, according to police. The man removed his clothes and appeared to have sexual relations with the sheep. After finishing, the man put his pants back on and left the barn with his shirt in his hand, according to the report.
Following his arraignment yesterday, Henderson was released to the custody of his parents, on the condition he stay at least 30 yards away from the farm, and animals in general. The teen also was ordered to "report immediately to Leonard Morse (Hospital) to continue current mental health treatment," according to court documents. A woman at Boggastow Farm yesterday shouted, "no comment" to reporters before later threatening to call police.
God was heard to say: "I saw that. Damn, but he picked an ugly one. When’s the surveillance video going on YouTube?"
Panel Finds Astronauts Flew While Intoxicated
Jul 26, 2007 By Frank Morring, Jr./Aviation Week & Space Technology
A panel reviewing astronaut health issues in the wake of the Lisa Nowak arrest has found that on at least two occasions astronauts were allowed to fly after flight surgeons and other astronauts warned they were so intoxicated that they posed a flight-safety risk.
The panel, also reported "heavy use of alcohol" by astronauts before launch, within the standard 12-hour "bottle to throttle" rule applied to NASA flight crew members.
A NASA spokesman declined comment on the findings, which were obtained by Aviation Week & Space Technology. At the direction of Administrator Michael Griffin, NASA Chief Medical Officer Dr. Richard S. Williams set up the panel to review astronaut medical and psychological screening after Nowak was arrested in Orlando, Fla., Feb. 5 on charges of attempted murder and attempted kidnapping for allegedly stalking and threatening a woman who was dating another astronaut. The attempted murder charge was subsequently dropped.
God was heard to say: "I told them, no Two for One Shooters Night at the International Space Station. And the nachos up there are just crap. Stick with the draft beer, at least that’s cold."
Thursday, July 26, 2007 By LESLIE BARBARO / HERALD NEWS
PATERSON — Someone stole 1,000 gallons of water from Daisy Valdivia’s backyard. And they didn’t spill a drop.
Valdivia woke Wednesday morning to find that her family’s inflatable pool, hip high and 10 feet in diameter and filled with water, was stolen from her backyard in the middle of the night. There is no evidence that the water was poured out, pumped out, evaporated or drunk.
"I’ve never heard of a pool being stolen, let alone one with water in it," Valdivia said.
According to Valdivia, the theft must have occurred between 1 a.m., the time her husband went to bed, and 5 a.m., the time she woke to put out the recycling.
"For them to do something that fast, that’s what amazes me," she said.
Valdivia, a lifelong city resident, moved into her home on McBride Avenue just five weeks ago. She and her husband purchased the bright blue pool for their three children less than a month ago. They never expected that it would be stolen in a neighborhood Valdivia described as "a nice, quiet area."
Although Valdivia said she is grateful nothing else was stolen, she was surprised that the thieves went through all that trouble for a pool. "We have two grills, chairs, umbrellas, they’re much easier to take," she said.
According to Lt. Anthony Traina of the Paterson Police Department, it’s clear that this was carefully planned. "Someone took a little time and effort thinking about this," he said. "This wasn’t just walking by and snatching a bike. That tells us something, too."
In light of the theft, Valdivia said she is considering putting up a fence, She also has questions for the thieves who stole her pool.
"I just want to know what the heck they did with the water," she said.
God was heard to say: "They needed some good wine on the International Space Station and, well, you know, just up to my old tricks."
We give thanks to The Almighty for offering his comments on the news of the week. This afternoon I’ll toss a nickel off my apartment balcony. If He catches it, He can keep it. I always pay my debts.
RoadDave 