The jury has spoken with a unanimous voice regarding Conrad Black. Guilty on four of thirteen charges. Of course, Lord Black of Crossharbour will be appealing the conviction, but as of right now, he’s been adjudged guilty of mail fraud, two counts of mail and wire fraud and one obstruction of justice.
The racketeering charge didn’t stick, nor did aiding or assisting in preparation of false tax returns but enough of the manure storm is clinging to his vestments that it makes no difference. As Conrad is reapplying for his Canadian citizenship, I do believe one of the major disqualifiers for consideration as a citizen is a conviction for major felonies. Mail Fraud and Obstruction of Justice, would perhaps, constitute major felonies by even those who suffer from closed head brain injuries. Technically, Conrad Black cannot become a citizen of Canada again, as a recognized court, meaning a US Federal court, not some third-world guerrilla tribunal, has found him guilty.
This brings up some interesting possibilities. We know that Lord Tubby isn’t going to serve the maximum sentence for the four charges, which would be 35 years. Face it, rich folks don’t do that kind of jail time and it isn’t like he went on a spree robbing 14 banks, waving guns around and shooting up the place. He didn’t even have the decency to resist arrest and get Tasered by the cops.
Which gives me a vivid mental image of Conrad Black in a torn, soiled wife-beater undershirt and pair of sweatpants, unshaven, covered in dirt and sweat after running through a trailer court and over a fence, being flung like a sack of potatoes into the back of a police cruiser, cursing and yelling at the "MotherBEEP BEEP BEEP son of a BEEP vultures!" with the camera equipment, then trying to kick out the side window of the cruiser.
All that would be missing would be his wife, Barbara Amiel, in a pink tube top and white hot pants, clutching a pack of third rate economy brand smokes and screeching at the cops who have arrested her man: "Let him up you BEEP BEEP cops! He didn’t hit me none, but I’m gonna crush your BEEP in a bag of BEEP you GodBEEP BEEP!" Close the scene as the female officer pushes Barbara Amiel across the hood of another cruiser and slaps the cuffs on. We hear Amiel disintegrate in a pile of tears about "her babies" and yelling for "Mama!" Fade to (pun intended) Black.
What the jury has done and the judge will do on November 30th of the this year, is send a message to those who figure they are above the law by their position, wealth and power, that we’re not going to take it anymore. There is nothing wrong with being, rich, or aggressive in business, or even living a lavish lifestyle, but don’t behave like a demented Roman Emperor.
This brings us back to the concept of Noblesse Oblige. Ed Mirvish, who died this week, came from a dirt-poor background, worked his way up in business, became a theatre impresario, a great philanthropist and was recognized as an all around good guy. Many of you have never been to Honest Ed’s, but Honest Ed’s is a Toronto institution that makes any discount store or dollar store you’ve ever seen, look like a chi-chi Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills boutique.
Mirvish made a pile of money and gave a good chunk of it away to hospitals, libraries and foundations.
Conrad Black, his favourite charity was Conrad Black. Ed Mirvish knew that noblesse oblige meant sharing with those less fortunate. Conrad Black was all noblesse and no oblige, so we don’t mind seeing him go down. Streets around the synagogue for Ed Mirvish’s funeral are packed with people who want to say goodbye and thank you.
Now, as for what to do with Conrad Black. I have two concepts I have previously floated: One, he be forced to work at a Hamilton Wal-Mart as a greeter for the next three years less a day, and be made to live on a Wal-Mart salary in a one-bedroom, third floor walkup apartment near the Stelco slag tip.
My second concept is to ankle chain him at the 150 yard mark at a local golf range and charge $15 a bucket, proceeds to charity for anyone who wants to practice their game, rain or shine. I’d say run that one every weekend until the season closes in November. It would raise some money for various charities and teach Conrad Black a hopefully non-fatal lesson about being a greed head and a bully.
There’s nothing wrong with making a ton of money in business. Look at Sir Richard Branson, or Bill Gates. Those are two very sharp, some would say aggressive, businesspeople who have made a mammoth amount of money. Both do good works with their wealth and power: Noblesse Oblige.
Then there is Dennis Kozlowski, Bernie Ebbers and Michael Milliken. Greed heads of the first order, who also made a mammoth amount of money and whose good works consisted of exactly nothing. All Noblesse, and no Oblige.
Which also sounds like President Jo Jo The Idiot Boy, Shotgun Dick Cheney and Kousin Karl Rove.
RoadDave 