In an appeals court Monday, the mighty AT&T said that they can’t defend themselves in a suit against illegal wiretapping, because they cannot defend themselves without disclosing secret information that would then incriminate itself again. If you’re confused, don’t worry, we’ll sort it out for you.
AT&T has been involved in wiretapping for the US Federal Government. The Department of Homeland Paranoia has most likely used provisions of the Patriot Act to order AT&T to set up the wiretaps. By definition, a Homeland Paranoia order is a secret order that a corporation can’t talk about without endangering National Security, which is also illegal.
The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) brought the original suit to stop AT&T from wiretapping on behalf of the Government. The boffins at Homeland Paranoia do not respond to suits brought in civil court, because the Patriot Act says they are immune from prosecution for reasons of National Security. Essentially the EFF sued the people actually doing the wiretapping, rather than the Government department that ordered the wiretapping.
Understandably, the judges involved are deeply confused as to which laws, district, state or federal, have precedence. At the core are the allegations that AT&T intercepted domestic calls, Internet traffic and phone records, without a Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) warrant. The Department of Homeland Paranoia has never admitted that they have spied locally without warrants and will not admit to it, as that would violate National Security.
I’ll simplify here: There is a Secret program.
Participation is Secret.
Data obtained from it is Secret.
Things done with the data are Secret.
If the programs exists, it may or may not be run by the Government, but that’s Secret.
AT&T may or may not be involved in the program, but that’s Secret.
If the program existed, it may or may not be wiretapping millions of calls, emails and chats, but that’s Secret.
We can’t tell you when it may or may not have started, as that’s Secret.
We can’t tell you how broad or narrow the program is, as that’s Secret.
We can’t tell you what information they have about you, after all the program may or may not exist and that’s Secret, including the information they may or may not have, which would also be Secret.
We can’t tell you about any FISA warrants the existing or non-existing program may or may not have applied for, or not, as that’s Secret.
We can’t even tell you the name of the program, as that is Secret.
We can, conclusively state that today is March 13th, 2007. The rest of the stuff, you’re not entitled to know, or even know that it might be known. Don’t ask again, as we might do something Secret to you.
And, since it would be Secret, you can’t tell anyone why you’re going to jail. After all, we must protect the Secrets.
RoadDave 