The media is all a twitter with the pending O.J. Simpson interview and book "If I Did It" that purports to explain how the slaughter of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman may have happened back in 1994.
To be fair, O.J. Simpson was acquitted by the courts in a criminal trial that was at best a clown show, run by Lance Ito, with a supporting cast including Mark Furman, Kato Kaelin, Johnny Cochrane, Marcia Clark and a bunch of other folks who are best left nameless and forgotten. Still, he was acquitted by a jury of his peers and that’s where that has to stay. On the civil side, Ron Goldman’s family won a civil judgement that O.J. Simpson had something to do with the murder and were awarded a judgement of $33.5 million dollars against O.J.
The Goldman family have received less than sweet F.A. from that judgement. Somehow O. J. still manages to live well in Florida, golfing, going out to dinner, having a grand old time with various hangers on, thrill-seekers and publishers. Every six months or so, he resurfaces, grabs a few headlines, gets his ego stroked and then submerges below the event horizon.
For sweeps week at the end of November and in parallel with the release of the book "If I Did It", FOX will air two, one-hour interviews, with O.J. explaining how the murders might have been done, had O. J. actually done them. The book and the interviews promise to be the media event of this month, even if half the hype comes to fruition. Everything is predicated on the "If…" as in I didn’t do but if I did. He’s entitled to that protection and so am I
Here’s my "If". I might have the opinion that…
In order to settle his debt to the Goldman family, society will hire OJ at federal minimum wage ($5.15 an hour) for the general good of society. Half of his earnings will go immediately to retire the $33.5 million owing. I have some work for O. J.
O. J. Simpson should be paraded along the Main street of every city, town, village and unincorporated rural municipality, so we can throw vegetables at him.
I might like to see him put out at the local golf driving range so we can practice our drives. I propose an ankle chain and a stake out near the 150 yard marker. He can dodge all he wants, after all, he was a very good running back, but with 75 duffers pounding Titelists at him, we’ll see some solid hits. Five bucks a bucket, proceeds going to various charities.
O.J. Simpson should be rented out as a paintball target for parties. Dress him up like Osama Bin Laden if you want and hand out the air guns to the kids. Or as a dunk tank victim landing in tepid chicken broth, sewage, or abattoir runoff.
He could be used for cosmetics. Put his head in a restraint and swab mascara in his eyes on an hourly basis. See what happens. Test adhesive bandages on his testicles. See if the bandages rip out hairs when you pull them off. Perhaps we could test Olestra on him? See if the ‘oily discharge’ is just a one in a hundred side affect or a real, long term problem. Then see if a truly high fibre diet prevents colorectal problems.
O.J. could be used as leech bait to collect Dick Cheney’s lunch. Troll him on a hook behind a motorboat in a swamp near Reston, VA.
He could be made to wash cars, clean outhouses, or teach ethics to political representatives. Actually, I’d make him listen to a five day lecture on ethics from Jeffrey Skilling, Ollie North and Henry Kissinger.
Once a year he could be paraded through Beverly Hills, in the Brentwood area and made to clean the curbs with a toothbrush. If people want to line up along the curbs and piss on his head, so be it. I don’t necessarily hold that to be my actual opinion.
After all, If I had that as an opinion, that might be what my opinion might be. Of course, that is not my opinion.
What we can really do about this whole sordid mess is simple. Do not buy the book. Do not watch the interviews. Do not give them your money.
Go directly to the bookstore manager and tell them that as long as that book is in stock, you will not buy anything from the store.
Write a letter to the TV station saying you will not watch anything on their channel as long as they insist on airing the interviews. If you get a Nielsen diary, or other audience survey, explicitly state you will not watch that particular channel and will forbid anyone else in the household from watching it as well.
Do not buy any magazine or newspaper that covers the event. Very specifically, but politely, state that you will not give them your money and why.
The "Why"? I refuse to fund any organization that will profit from this outrage.
RoadDave 