Monthly Archives: November 2006

There seems to be some kind of fear that President Jo Jo The Idiot Boy has regarding using the actual word Civil War regarding Iraq.  By any sane definition Iraq is in a civil war.  The insurgency attacks at will, American soldiers, Iraqi security services, local cops, even recruits, just for the sheer terror of being able to hit back.  The results are grisly.

The insurgents know the ground.  They know every corner, rock, car, garden shed and crawl space.  Using either old-school terror or active support from the local population, the insurgents can amble around looking for the right place and time to strike, blending in with the neighborhood. 

To fight that kind of war, conventional military movement in depth and force does not work.  It was tried for a decade in Viet Nam and the US never learned the lesson:  You can’t fight an insurgency without resorting to terror just as heinous as the insurgents.

The Viet Cong in the south of the country used some fairly simple tactics:  Kill the village elder in the square then ask if anyone has any objections to helping the Viet Cong.  Drafting all the young men at the point of gun helped adjust local attitudes.  So did inviting all the locals to provide food, shelter and work for the insurgents, with the implication being your shack will burn to the ground if you don’t help.

This is an extension of "If you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow" and worked very well for the Viet Cong.  It also worked nicely for the Afghans fighting the Russians and works well for the Chechyn rebels today. 

Subsistence farmers and peasants don’t give a flying fig about liberation politics, return of the homeland, a Constitution, global geopolitics or the War on Terror:  They just want to be left alone to raise enough crops to remain alive, raise their children and hopefully not die of starvation next winter.  They are politically inert, but they can be swayed via terror, depending on who is nearby. 

This has shown up in Afghanistan more than once.  Militias that were ostensibly on the side of the coalition, changed sides in mid battle when the insurgents offered more money, or offered to not slaughter their families.  Loyalty does have its price.

To defeat an insurgency you have two choices:  Become even more feared beasts than the insurgents or give up and go home to let the insurgents devolve into their tiny little pockets of insane tribal warlords.  This is what happened in Somalia:  The whole country collapsed by every measure you care to mention and devolved to armed tribal cliques whose individual territory was measured by city blocks or double digit acres. 

How do you fix it?  The fast answer is you can’t until a ‘country’ decides it wants help.  If the US were to pull out now and offer a post-WWII Marshall Plan kind of massive financial support to Iraq, the results would be very predictable:  Massive theft by warlords, enrichment of a very few and no help whatsoever for the average citizen. 

This would be followed by mass starvation, refugees everywhere and the rise of another Saddam-like charismatic figure promising everything and delivering terror from a loyal, well-fed secret police. 

In recent history, that is exactly what happened in post-WW I Germany.  The only reason the National Socialist Party succeeded was because average folks couldn’t afford to live in an economy that was crushed and the onerous conditions of the Treaty of Versailles.  It took about 14 years to get rocking full-bore, 1919 to 1935, more or less.  Go read The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by William Shier if you want the backstory.

In Iraq we have the added complication of religious infighting, the general weirdness of the Middle East, plus Big Oil and Big Money.  My guess?  If the US pulls out tomorrow afternoon, Iraq will collapse into another Darfur or Somalia in less than a year.  Iran and Saudi Arabia will come in to try and keep the lid on, at least a bit.  They will fail miserably with half-measures because Iran and Saudi Arabia don’t want to get too involved and wind up importing all kinds of madness from the remains of Iraq.   

Things will devolve into local and regional warlords, as their focus will have to be local, rather than national or international.  Big Money and Big Oil will piss and moan but won’t be able to do anything about it.  After five years and a half-dozen UN resolutions full of sound and fury, signifying nothing, some kind of Charismatic Leader will appear, firmly in the pocket of Big Money and Big Oil.  I give it until 2012 more or less.

The summation?  Iraq is done for already.  The mistakes happened in 2003 because President Jo Jo The Idiot Boy wanted a ride on a plane and to stand in front of a banner on an aircraft carrier.  His plane ride has cost nearly 3,000 lives so far, plus the two or three million other lives that will be lost in the next five years. 

Which explains why the term Civil War is never used by Jo Jo The Idiot Boy.  It is an admission of guilt.  He knows that "Mission Accomplished" banner is dripping a lot of blood. 

In an ugly moment that could best be described as a complete freakout, Michael Richards, the actor who played Kramer on "Seinfeld" lost the handle at a comedy club in LA.  Captured on video, the rant featured a very generous use of the ‘n’ word and references to lynching.  On Monday night Michael Richards was on David Letterman and apologized profusely for his meltdown in a slightly disconnected but more or less genuine mea culpa.

I’m going to be up front here, so hang onto the keyboard, I am going to use the ‘n’ word.  Calling someone a nigger is not appropriate.  The word is too loaded with emotional, political and power dynamics that go back into a very ugly piece of history. 

In my personal memory, black people were hung from trees and beaten to death for no more of a crime that being black.  I still remember asking my father why the police were beating the people on TV and being told it was because they were niggers.  That didn’t make sense to me.  Sure, they were different colours, but they were just people.  Later I found a history book or twelve that helped me understand.  Not all of it, but at least as much as a white boy growing up in suburban Canada could grasp. 

Kids don’t know what race is until they are taught it.  Kids recognize visual differences but it doesn’t seem to matter to children, as long as their playmates are fun to play with or have cool toys.  I always liked the Nishimura kids down the street, because they had a seemingly endless supply of Super Tonka toys that they would let me play with.  I knew they were Japanese; Brian Nishimura told me they were.  I could see that their eyes were different from mine and they didn’t get the same kind of tan I got in the summer, but I didn’t know what "Japanese" meant from a sociological, cultural, historical or racial point of view and I didn’t care. 

I have used the word nigger myself.  I’m not proud of it and I now realize the utter insensitivity, hurtfulness and ignorance of it.  Apologizing doesn’t make it right, but that’s the best I can do to make amends.

I also object to persons of colour using nigger to describe other members of their own race, as in the colloquial greeting of "Hey nigger!".  It just sits wrong with me.  Why do it?  Why perpetuate a stereotype and hate words?  But, some people of colour believe it is acceptable.  This is a shade of the Spike Lee "It’s a black thing, you wouldn’t understand." generalization.  Fair enough.  I don’t understand.  I’d like to understand, but if you think I won’t get it, then I can live with your decision. 

What I’m working towards, and not quite getting there yet, is my approach to racism and a suggestion or two of how to react to someone using terms like nigger to describe someone else. 

It is hard to put into words because, well, I’m white.  British/Irish/Scottish Empire Loyalist Caucasian Canadian Mutt is my ethnic heritage.  I come from a long historical line of being on top in terms of money, power, race and oppression.  I’ve never been called a racial epithet and never felt the sting, hurt or confusion of being called a racial name.   

I have felt like a fish out of water on a number of occasions.  Notably in Ha Noi, Viet Nam, where I was a rarity that stuck out.  A six-foot tall Canadian on a tiny Honda 90 scooter means you can’t hide.  I was stared at occasionally, usually by kids who had never seen someone like me.  It never made me feel uncomfortable, but I also knew I had an airline ticket out of Viet Nam.  Had I lived there, perhaps it would have been different.  I don’t know.

The racial term Caucasian, African, Mongol or Innu is a grouping of physical characteristics that act as a shorthand descriptor from a genetic or anthropological standpoint.  There are subsets:  Most Norwegians are a different white from someone from Smiths’ Falls, Ontario.  We can split those hairs for weeks if you’d like, but the reality is, we’re all of some kind of genetic race, a subset of Homo Sapiens. 

We’re also a cultural race, as race and culture are very tightly intertwined.  Sometimes it is as simple as dress.  People who live in sub-Saharan Africa dress differently from someone in Mississauga.  An element is climate based, but mostly it is cultural and that includes religion as part of culture. 

Unfortunately humans are very visual animals and we pick up on purely visual clues to make up our minds in hundredths of a second based on what we see and have learned.          

The next step is where racism steps in:  Seeing another person, then categorizing them, we apply a set of expected behaviors and values to anyone exhibiting certain visual clues, usually with a negative implication, before we make eye contact, or know their name.  You can recite as many learned racial stereotypes as I can; there’s no need to list them. 

Applying racial stereotypes is the wrong behavior as far as I’m concerned.  Since it is a learned behavior, we can unlearn it.

The first step to unlearning is to recognize you are thinking in a stereotype.  Just stop and think for a beat.  Why did I just pat my wallet, or purse?  Was there some obvious threat or reason why I patted my wallet when an Elbonian walked by?  What made me think that particular person was Elbonian?  Why do I think all Elbonians are pickpockets? 

Looking for evidence of the why you feel, or think or react in a certain way forces to you recognize that the ‘evidence’ is non-existent and the stereotype is wrong.  All Elbonians are horse-thieves and herring chokers, not pickpockets.  I am kidding.  Relax. 

Part of unlearning stereotypes is also confronting others who use negatives to describe other groups of people.  As an example, when Michael Richards went off, the audience voiced their disapproval.  Good.  They should have.  People walked out.  Good.  They should have.  Michael Richards apologized.  Good.  He should have.  People are really upset.  Good.  They should be.

Better wisdom comes from, I think, George Carlin.  Why dislike a group of people for some broad idea, when you should take the time and get to know an individual, then really hate them for something specific?

Perhaps the best wisdom though, comes from two books.  The first book is Uprooting Racism:  How White People Can Work For Racial Justice by Paul Kivel.  The second book is whatever religious document you might happen to have some affinity for:  Do Unto Others is in there somewhere.

Breaking news out of the Drudge Report that Fox has canceled the OJ book and interview.  Not confirmed yet.  We’ll see.

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Since the Republican election rout a couple of weeks ago, the Republican Reptiles are now lining up to get off the ship, ably assisted by Democrats.  In a couple of weeks you won’t find anyone with a Republican membership card who was in favour of the war in Iraq. 

I suppose quite a few of them will claim that their addiction to booze/pills/porn/snack cakes/raw power will be their excuse for voting for the war.  Many will check into a 30-day rehab to get over their illness:  ("It was the Little Debbie cakes that made me believe Colin Powell at the UN when he talked about WMD’s") 

It still doesn’t solve the problem of what to do about Iraq.  Since there are no truly clear answers, there have been a number of people coming forward with their opinions, some considered, some hallucinatory and some simply daft.

The Pentagon has reduced Iraq to three scenarios:  Go Long, Go Big or Go Home.  Go Long means stay for the next five, ten, twenty years.  Go Big calls for troops on every streetcorner.  Go Home, means pack up the tents and tanks then toss the Iraq government the keys with a ‘fair thee well’. 

All three simplistic scenarios have three simplistic results:  Go Long means the US will go bankrupt trying to pay for it.  Go Big means bringing back Selective Service to feed more troops into a slow-spinning human Cuisinart.  Go Home means fighting terrorists at home in six months.

There are upsides to each scenario, at least if you are on Dick Cheney’s speed-dial.  Go Long means Haliburton, Blackwater and the rest of the Cheney’s Buddies will make even more money.  After all, Go Long means more need for private contractors to do what the Pentagon should be doing, but doesn’t, can’t or won’t.  As an example, most of the IT, foodservice, housekeeping and transport functions in Iraq are performed by private contractors, not the military.  Go look at the careers section at www.kbr.com.  There are 373 jobs in Iraq open as of today.     

Go Big could see the biggest reduction in unemployment since the Second World War as a big piece of the population between 18 and 42 are invited to attend, no RSVP needed.  Of course, all these new soldiers will need guns and groceries.  The Pentagon will have to farm that out to private industry to teach the newly minted soldiers which end of a weapon is the naughty end and which end is the cuddly end.  Someone will invent a way to teach parade drill using an iPod, text messaging, skater tunes or urban beats.    

Go Home?  Cheney will get his cherished police state.  The military will be expanded to search under every tulip, tree and julep for terrorists.  Private companies will be set up to provide ‘security’ for the government.  Security will mean 24-7-365 observation of all suspects.  After all, if you have nothing to hide, you won’t object to being watched for your own security.  At least the ports and borders will be secured, several years too late.  It will probably be done by a private company who can do it for less than the Pentagon can. 

In any of the cases, someone has to pay for it.  Let’s see, who can pay for it.  Hmmmm.  That would be you.  It is just outrageous enough, but almost plausible, that you will be sent a bill for Homeland Security, attached to your 1040 form.  They might even work it like the airline ticket surcharges, just jammed in there, no discussion, no recourse.  You will be giving us $10 a day to fight terror, Visa, MasterCard, Amex, Discovery accepted. 

The media is all a twitter with the pending O.J. Simpson interview and book "If I Did It" that purports to explain how the slaughter of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman may have happened back in 1994.

To be fair, O.J. Simpson was acquitted by the courts in a criminal trial that was at best a clown show, run by Lance Ito, with a supporting cast including Mark Furman, Kato Kaelin, Johnny Cochrane, Marcia Clark and a bunch of other folks who are best left nameless and forgotten.  Still, he was acquitted by a jury of his peers and that’s where that has to stay.  On the civil side, Ron Goldman’s family won a civil judgement that O.J. Simpson had something to do with the murder and were awarded a judgement of $33.5 million dollars against O.J.

The Goldman family have received less than sweet F.A. from that judgement.  Somehow O. J. still manages to live well in Florida, golfing, going out to dinner, having a grand old time with various hangers on, thrill-seekers and publishers.  Every six months or so, he resurfaces, grabs a few headlines, gets his ego stroked and then submerges below the event horizon.

For sweeps week at the end of November and in parallel with the release of the book "If I Did It", FOX will air two, one-hour interviews, with O.J. explaining how the murders might have been done, had O. J. actually done them.  The book and the interviews promise to be the media event of this month, even if half the hype comes to fruition.  Everything is predicated on the "If…"  as in I didn’t do but if I did.  He’s entitled to that protection and so am I

Here’s my "If".  I might have the opinion that…

In order to settle his debt to the Goldman family, society will hire OJ at federal minimum wage ($5.15 an hour) for the general good of society.  Half of his earnings will go immediately to retire the $33.5 million owing.   I have some work for O. J.

O. J. Simpson should be paraded along the Main street of every city, town, village and unincorporated rural municipality, so we can throw vegetables at him. 

I might like to see him put out at the local golf driving range so we can practice our drives.  I propose an ankle chain and a stake out near the 150 yard marker.  He can dodge all he wants, after all, he was a very good running back, but with 75 duffers pounding Titelists at him, we’ll see some solid hits.  Five bucks a bucket, proceeds going to various charities. 

O.J. Simpson should be rented out as a paintball target for parties.  Dress him up like Osama Bin Laden if you want and hand out the air guns to the kids.  Or as a dunk tank victim landing in tepid chicken broth, sewage, or abattoir runoff.

He could be used for cosmetics.  Put his head in a restraint and swab mascara in his eyes on an hourly basis.  See what happens.  Test adhesive bandages on his testicles.  See if the bandages rip out hairs when you pull them off.  Perhaps we could test Olestra on him?  See if the ‘oily discharge’ is just a one in a hundred side affect or a real, long term problem.  Then see if a truly high fibre diet prevents colorectal problems. 

O.J. could be used as leech bait to collect Dick Cheney’s lunch.  Troll him on a hook behind a motorboat in a swamp near Reston, VA.   

He could be made to wash cars, clean outhouses, or teach ethics to political representatives.  Actually, I’d make him listen to a five day lecture on ethics from Jeffrey Skilling, Ollie North and Henry Kissinger.

Once a year he could be paraded through Beverly Hills, in the Brentwood area and made to clean the curbs with a toothbrush.  If people want to line up along the curbs and piss on his head, so be it.  I don’t necessarily hold that to be my actual opinion.   

After all, If I had that as an opinion, that might be what my opinion might be.  Of course, that is not my opinion.   

What we can really do about this whole sordid mess is simple.  Do not buy the book.  Do not watch the interviews.  Do not give them your money.

Go directly to the bookstore manager and tell them that as long as that book is in stock, you will not buy anything from the store. 

Write a letter to the TV station saying you will not watch anything on their channel as long as they insist on airing the interviews.  If you get a Nielsen diary, or other audience survey, explicitly state you will not watch that particular channel and will forbid anyone else in the household from watching it as well.

Do not buy any magazine or newspaper that covers the event.  Very specifically, but politely, state that you will not give them your money and why.

The "Why"?  I refuse to fund any organization that will profit from this outrage. 

According to Statistics Canada, the homicide rate in Canada popped up to 2.04 per 100,000 people in 2005.  The rolling average for the past 40 years is 2.17 homicides per 100,000, so we’re lower than the average.  This doesn’t sound like many, but there was a troubling factoid buried in the data:  222 of the 658 murders in Canada in 2005 were committed with firearms.

(I have fired a number of weapons in my time.  I learned how to handle weapons safely at a young age.  I have hunted quail, partridge and deer, so I"m not some anti-gun nut.  Relax, OK?)

Canada has always had fairly sensible firearms laws.  You can have as many long guns as you want, as long as you register them, take and pass a firearms safety course and store the weapons in a locked firearms safe in your home.  Firearms under 18 inches long?  Generally, forget about it.  There is a process for target pistol shooters, but be assured it is complex, involves an intense background check and stringent rules for transport, storage and registration.        

Weapons are normal in the countryside to dispose of varmints and, of course, for hunting.  In parts of the country, Yellowknife, Churchill and some parts of Algonquin Park, going into the wilderness without a weapon is very stupid.  Bears, notably the black, grizzly and polar varieties look upon humans in a sleeping bag or tent as a tasty snack with a pretty wrapper, at certain times of the year. 

In Toronto, where I live, I have not seen bears rambling around loose.  Or deer, moose, partridge, quail, or ducks.  Which explains why there isn’t much hunting in this city of 4 million people.  But there are firearm homicides. 

2005 was called the Year of the Gun in Toronto, as there were several high-profile handgun murders that peaked with the Boxing Day murder of Jane Creba downtown on Yonge Street as two gangs shot at each other.  Jane Creba was an innocent bystander who was killed with a stray shot.

Today, the gun homicide rate in Toronto is down from 2005, but the mere fact that handguns are being used, is the troubling part.  Handguns, being by definition under 18-inches long, have nothing whatsoever to do with hunting, except hunting humans.  Since responsible firearms owners are not the problem, it is the illegal firearms owners we want to discourage.

I think I might have a solution.  It is called the Double-Double.  A double-double is two cream and two sugar, which is coffee and donut shop shorthand at Tim Horton’s.

As the law is currently written, no handguns are allowed.  No change there.  Convicted of a crime?  The usual sentencing rules apply.  Let’s say it was break and enter and theft over $200.  Seven to ten years is around normal.  Then you apply the double-double rule after the conviction, as part of the sentencing. 

If you are caught with a firearm during commission of the crime?  Double it.  If you discharge the firearm during commission of the crime?  Double it again.  A seven year stretch now becomes a 28 year stretch.  As an added disincentive, double-double removes all parole:  The guilty party serves the full time.

When it comes to gang-bangers, the usual conviction is attempted manslaughter.  Five to fifteen is the sentencing norm.  Perpetrated with a firearm that was discharged during the incident?  It could be as much as 45 years or as little as 15, but still, no parole.

After one or two convictions like that, the message will be sent to the gang-bangers:  No guns allowed.  Settle whatever the beef is with fists, boots, knives, bats, chains or stern letters to the Editor.

I’m perfectly willing to let judges have some leeway here as there will always be extenuating circumstances, but these guidelines should be applied more often than not.  I’m defining ‘more often’ as 98% of the time.

As for the rest of the legal firearm owners in Canada?  Nothing changes.  You can hunt, shoot targets, skeet shoot or just plink at bottles for recreation.  Enjoy your firearms as long as you have a Firearms Acquisition Certificate, have taken and passed a gun safety course and have an approved firearm safe in your place of residence.