It’s a dirty little secret the politicians share. A shameful addiction that hundreds of celebrities share with politicians. Even some software trainers have fallen under its’ spell. The name of their hell is…
Purell. There. I’ve said it. Hand Sanitizer.
The clear viscous liquid that addicts rub onto their hands has come under the light of publicity. The whispered about backroom goo. Known as ‘squirt’ or ‘glob’ and the addicts as ‘clean freaks’, ‘rubs’ or "Senator John McCain". The squirt lifestyle has finally made it out of the green rooms and holding pens of pubic events in an article in the New York Times yesterday.
The list of hand sanitizer users is growing every day. It is fearsome stuff, hooking users looking for a one time cleanup, into a degenerate life of furtively squirting the thick fluid onto their hands several times a day. It is a sickness that some might briefly glimpse, but few understand, society shunning the glob users, choosing to overlook their fiendish search for another hit.
Perversely, those very people who see an addict squirting a dime sized dollop of Purell on their hands, then rubbing it into the skin, are the same people who minutes later, will be actually shaking hands with those piteous addicts. It breaks your heart to see captains of industry and senior political figures surreptitiously rubbing their hands before meeting the pubic, knowing they are rubbing an addictive little drop of Purell into their pores. Perhaps it is the rush of sneaking a rub in public. Or knowing that your hands are protected, at least for a few moments, from rhinovirus, adenovirus and the hundreds of viruses that cause gastroenteritis.
The terrible addiction has spread throughout the ranks of politicians at every level. From President JoJo The Idiot Boy, to your local School Trustee, you’ll see little bottles of Purell being passed back and forth before meeting the public. At the highest levels, including Senator Barak Obama, Al Gore, and John McCain, all confessed users of squirt, there are those who won’t cross the line. One stalwart is New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson. In the NYTimes article he’s quoted as saying “I just won’t use the sanitizer,” he said. “I’ve been offered it, but I’ve turned it down." Now that’s a man with character!
I know that the pervasive use of Purell is going to influence your vote in a few days. Be it for local government in Ontario, or in the mid-terms in the US, make sure you ask the direct question of any candidate:
"Do you now, or have you ever, used Purell Hand Sanitizer?"
Then vote accordingly. You know what to do.
RoadDave 