Kim Jong-Il has applied for membership in the Nuclear Club. We have obtained his application and are reprinting it here:
Name: Kim Jong-Il Celestial President for Life of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea
Address: 1 Presidential Palace, Pyongyang, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea
Phone: 011 850 1
email: kji@northkorea.kp
Sponsoring Country: "We get by with a little help from our friends" and Pakistan
Reason for Application:
I let one off on Monday. About 15 kilotons or so. Same size as the Fat Man did for Hiroshima in 1945. Big goddam ball of flame. Loud sonofabitch too. Measuring hole now.
Supporting Evidence:
US all a twitter. Japan is urinating their kimonos. Russia is quiet as mouse in empty Pyongyang silo. China annoyed. India is making giggling and Pakistan is holding parade of celebration for Celestial President for Life of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea next Tuesday. Israel strangely quiet for Jews who talk with hands and dance in circles. Frenchers and UK not happy. Plus, seismic squiggles making large amplitudes.
Demands (Rational):
Increased worldwide attention paid to Celestial President for Life of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea Kim Jong-Il. More episodes of "Three’s Company" written by Kim Jong-Il with original Krissy. Food for military. Old McDonalds in Presidential Square please. Have much requirement for Fillet O Fish as example of decadent western imperialism and tartar sauce. Need DVD of Paris Hilton video plus night scope camera too from Sony only not Samsung. New BitTorrent client and downloads for Celestial President for Life of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Kim Jong-Il.
Demands (Irrational)
Feed populace and place for them to be housed that is not South. Perhaps in Mexico to obtain American citizenship after voting in elections for California Governor Arnold. Ship of oil for Celestial President for Life of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea Mercedes-Benz. Ship of Nikees in mixed sizes but mostly 11 EEE. Hair Club for Men Platinum Membership. Noble portrait of Celestial President for Life of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Kim Jong-Il on US Five dollar bill for next year. Box seats Yankee Stadium, Blue level near third base line. Tennis Lessons from Annika Sorenstram. Lasik surgery in Austin Texas. Hat of Cheese Head labeled Go Packers Go!
Signed
KJI
RoadDave 