It is a little-known fact that United Nations has several online chatrooms to help members of the Security Council, the General Assembly and selected invitees to work through the difficult negotiations regarding UN resolutions in their off hours. Most often these sessions happen during the interminable speeches at the General Assembly.
Through devious means we have obtained a transcript of one of the UN chatroom sessions from Saturday night as the US and the French were hammering out a Security Council Resolution on the Middle East.
JMdeS@un.org (FRANCE) says:
s’up?
bolton.john@un.org (USA) says;
nuthin much just chillin…theyre working out some kinda deal
JMdeS@un.org (FRANCE) says;
kewl 
bolton.john@un.org (USA) says;
they met up in the cafeteria and are working it
fuad@fuadsanoria.org(LEBANON) has entered the chat
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
that ehud chaps my ass shooting up the joint
JMdeS@un.org (FRANCE) says;
hey fuad! he’s just being ohlmert
bolton.john@un.org (USA) says;
LOL
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
is bashman around 2nite?
bashman@un.org (SYRIA) has entered the chat
bashman@un.org (SYRIA) says;
i’m here foo…lurking 
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
you got some you can lemme have?
bashman@un.org (SYRIA) says;
we got, you want?
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
you got 150 worth? 
bashman@un.org (SYRIA) says;
done deal duude
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) has entered the chat
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) says;
you’ll never guess who i saw in the front of the line
bolton.john@un.org (USA) says;
who this time? mohammed again?
JMdeS@un.org (FRANCE) says;
LOL
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) says;
fuck you bolton. i saw poodle and cowboy at the head of the line
with ehud, condi and some guy in a tuke i think
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
no shit
bigdickhank@henrykissinger.com (INTL) has entered the chat
bigdickhank@henrykissinger.com (INTL) says;
any females tonight anyone want to cyber?
bigdickhank@henrykissinger.com (INTL) has left the chat
bolton.john@un.org (USA) says;
what an asshat…
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) says;
didnt he used to work for you
bolton.john@un.org (USA) says;
hes oldskool style whackoff artist
used to be called forty second yank the hank
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) says;
ROTFLMAO
JMdeS@un.org (FRANCE) says;
LMAO!!!!!!!
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!
anthonyblair@hmrisp.gov (UK) has entered the chat
anthonyblair@hmrisp.gov (UK) says;
evening lads.
cowboydubya@whitehouse.com (USA) has entered the chat
JMdeS@un.org (FRANCE) says;
hey blair!
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) says;
tony!
bolton.john@un.org (USA) says;
mistah blair and the boss!
cowboydubya@whitehouse.com (USA) says;
gennlemens i got some friends coming in tonight so be nice
bashman@un.org (SYRIA) says;
tony and dubya on the same night? dayum!
JMdeS@un.org (FRANCE) says;
can you see daylight yet tony, or are u still up his ass?
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
whose coming in dubya?
anthonyblair@hmrisp.gov (UK) says;
eat shit and die jean-marc 
cowboydubya@whitehouse.com (USA) says;
condi, ehud and k-man are going online in a bit
condibabe@hotpants.com (USA) has entered the chat
ehud.ohlmert@israel.gov (ISRAEL) has entered the chat
condibabe@hotpants.com (USA) has left the chat
bashman@un.org (SYRIA) says;
whaz the deal-o?
brillohead@un.org (UN) has entered the chat
condi@usa.org (USA) has entered the chat
cowboydubya@whitehouse.com (USA) says;
ise best be letting kofie tell youall about it
brillohead@un.org (UN) says;
good evening all
condi@usa.org (USA) says;
i think we got something worked out offline
anthonyblair@hmrisp.gov (UK) says;
hey condi!
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
hey babe!
condi@usa.org (USA) says;
you know that pipeline we got in alaska? the one with the crotchrot?
brillohead@un.org (UN) says;
…this is just fucking brilliant !…..
condi@usa.org (USA) says;
well, bp cant afford to fix it so its gonna leak oil all over the joint
bashman@un.org (SYRIA) says;
so? its in alaska fer fucksakes…
condi@usa.org (USA) says;
yeah, but its gonna put the price of oil thru the roof
JMdeS@un.org (FRANCE) says;
and then what?
condi@usa.org (USA) says;
well, we can afford to fix it, but its gonna take some time
so we got bp to pony up some stock just in case
they owe us for letting them off the enviro hook years ago
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
ok, so you got stock in an oil company that’s gonna take off
like a cat with a kerosene enema
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) says;
or a katyusha aimed at ehuds condo in Haifa
ehud.ohlmert@israel.gov (ISRAEL) says;
fuck you towel head
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) says;
eat me cliptip. your mother did and she liked it!
brillohead@un.org (UN) says;
SHUT THE HELL UP AND LISTEN !!
condi@usa.org (USA) says;
tkx kofi…here’s the deal. we squeezed them for 1000 shares, which
should be close to 12 billion dollars in six months fuad, hassan and ehud
get 300 shares each and economic independence forever
bashman@un.org (SYRIA) says;
wow!
JMdeS@un.org (FRANCE) says;
sweeeeet…
bolton.john@un.org (USA) says;
damm thats a beaut
bashman@un.org (SYRIA) says;
hey thats only 900 shares
JMdeS@un.org (FRANCE) says;
yeah what gives???
condi@usa.org (USA) says;
lemme finish…the deal is Israel, Hezbollah and Lebanon have to
knock it off to get the shares. gotta drop guns now. The rest of
the shares get divvied up with syria and france. were gonna give
kofi some and some for us, but you three get the big slice.
deal?
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) says;
for that kind of money I’d tongue kiss ariel sharons ass
ehud.ohlmert@israel.gov (ISRAEL) says;
we agree but not with the tongue kissing shit
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
sorry, hoseman from egypt was IMing me. we’re in.
condi@usa.org (USA) says;
kofi?
brillohead@un.org (UN) says;
and we got you all membership in opec, front row seats
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) says;
out-freakin’-standing!
ehud.ohlmert@israel.gov (ISRAEL) says;
dayum that’s sweeeeeet
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) says;
thanks guys its sooooo kewl…sending the email now to drop tools
ehud.ohlmert@israel.gov (ISRAEL) says;
…same here…
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) says;
yep yep got voicemail but its done
JMdeS@un.org (FRANCE) has left the chat
bashman@un.org (SYRIA) has left the chat
bolton.john@un.org (USA) has left the chat
anthonyblair@hmrisp.gov (UK) has left the chat
cowboydubya@whitehouse.com (USA) has left the chat
ehud.ohlmert@israel.gov (ISRAEL) has left the chat
fuad@fuadsanoria.org (LEBANON) has left the chat
hassan@hezbollaboys.com (INTL) has left the chat
condi@usa.org (USA) has left the chat
brillohead@un.org (UN) has left the chat
bigdickhank@henrykissinger.com (INTL) has entered the chat
bigdickhank@henrykissinger.com (INTL) says;
any females tonight anyone want to cyber?
bigdickhank@henrykissinger.com (INTL) has left the chat
RoadDave 