From the Associated Press this afternoon, datelined Bristow Oklahoma: Former Judge Donald D. Thompson, a veteran of 23 years on the bench, is on trial on charges he used a penis pump on himself in the courtroom while sitting in judgment of others.
I have heard of being screwed by the Justice system, but this is stretching it.
From Reuters: Condoleeza Rice calls the Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov a drunken pissant. At the G-8 meeting in Moscow, CNN was hooking their sound gear up to the PA system while Rice, Lavarov and the rest of the G-8 suit brigade were gabbing over the ice water. Unfortunately the microphones were live and CNN recorded this exchange:
Rice: I think it is a pity that we can’t endorse something that has been endorsed by the Iraqi’s and the UN, but ah…
Lavrov: Condi, Condi, Condi. No one challenges the sovereign right to endorse them, but when you consider the assistance programs, the IMF, the World Bank, you do not automatically endorse what the government will endorse. It is an important part of the exercise to consider specific features of an assistance program.
Rice: If you think I understood one word you just said in that drunken slurred throat clearing you call a voice Sergey, you are a bigger asshole than Vladimir says you are. Did you see the potato tractor that ran over your head when you were young, you worthless pissant.
The official communiqué of the G-8 was written months ago and said nothing about Lavrov actually being a pissant.
From the Dailymail.co.uk: Inventors are on the verge of creating the first mobile ‘smellophone’, a gadget which can capture an odour and then replay it back later, just as camcorders do with images. Amateur chefs desperate to recreate perfectly a restaurant meal they have enjoyed could use the device to record its aroma.
Was I the only person who could image a group of nine year old boys random dialing a cell phone with the smellophone option, then playing back a fart? Or adding a gut-rattling belch of beef nachos and Dr. Pepper to Mom’s outgoing message?
New York (AP) — Stock prices shot higher Thursday after the Federal Reserve indicated it was standing by its policy of raising interest rates as needed to contain inflation.
“I just jackin’ wit ya” said Federal Reserve Chairman, Ben Bernanke, who then slapped a New York Mets baseball hat on his head and climbed into a tricked out Cadillac Escalade.
Bernanke’s departing comments to the financial press; “Spark dat fattie up my man!” were taken to mean the measured increases in the Federal Reserve rate will continue for at least the next quarter.
Sacramento (AP) — The Bush administration has been unable to muster even half of the 2,500 National Guardsmen it planned to have on the Mexican border by the end of June.
As of Thursday, the next-to-last day of the month, fewer than 1,000 troops were in place, according to military officials in the four border states of Texas, California, New Mexico and Arizona.
Odds are it is because they went to American Public Schools and can’t find it on the map. The other 1,500 troopers are guarding the international borders in Utah and Rhode Island.
Washington (AP) — The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that President Bush overstepped his authority in ordering military war crimes trials for Guantanamo Bay detainees, saying in a strong rebuke that the trials were illegal under U.S. and international law.
The ruling raises major questions about the legal status of the approximately 450 men still being held at the U.S. military prison in Cuba and exactly how, when and where the administration might pursue the charges against them.
Rumour has it the CIA is annoyed at Airbus for delaying the delivery of the A380 Super Jumbo. The Secret Rendition Flight Division was looking for something that could take all 450 Guantanamo detainees to Romania for a ‘Happy Hour Club Jet-Away Weekend Sponsored by Corona’
MEMPHIS, Tenn.(AP) — Junichiro Koizumi and President Bush can hang around the Jungle Room all they want. Japan’s prime minister can even warble another rendition of “I Want You, I Need You, I Love You,” as he did at a birthday party for Bush last year.
As a guest of the president and first lady Laura Bush, Koizumi will visit the Presley home on June 30, and they’ll pretty much have the run of the place.
But Presley’s private bedroom and the adjoining bath where he collapsed and died in 1977 will remain off-limits. “You can’t visit the upstairs at the White House, either,” said Jack Soden, chief executive of Elvis Presley Enterprises.
We should hold UN Security Council Meetings in the Jungle Room. The US would never have invaded Iraq if Saddam Hussein had paid a state visit to Graceland. The Dixie Chicks CD’s would have been another issue.
Bristow, OK (AP) — UPDATE Creek County jury late Thursday convicted a former judge who was accused of exposing himself by using a sexual device while he presided over court cases.
The panel deliberated more than five hours before returning a guilty verdict against Donald Thompson on all four counts of indecent exposure. The jury had requested a dinner break around 6:30 p.m. and sent a note to the judge at 8:49 p.m. that a decision had been reached.
Jurors recommended one year in prison and a $10,000 fine on each count against the judge, 59, who served more than 20 years on the bench in eastern Oklahoma before his retirement in 2004.
Sometimes the screwing you get, isn’t worth the screwing you get.
RoadDave 