Certain pieces of knowledge are critical to life. For example, calling Mike Tyson a sissy-boy to his face has a result. Looking into a tank of gasoline using a Bic Lighter as your source of illumination has a result. How to escape from a killer whale is knowledge you might well need some day.
As a Public Service, after all, we deeply care about you, we are going to share some of these critical datapoints you might some day need. You’re welcome.
Mike Tyson/sissy-boy remark: Don’t do it. It will hurt and your clothes will be out of style by the time you wake up from your coma. Drinking your meals through a straw isn’t as much fun as you think.
Bic Lighter/Gasoline quantity investigation: Don’t do it. It will hurt. This is right up there with the last thing a redneck widow hears from her late husband. “Hey Honey, watch this!”
Killer Whale Escape: One, don’t go where killer whales are: Phoenix, Saskatoon and the east side of Ottawa come to mind. Two: Fart a lot. No, really, I’m not trying to buy us an excuse to behave like pigs, this is legitimate public service
From the Acoustical Society of America, meeting in Rhode Island this week, (Discovery.com) scientists have studied how Norwegian Killer Whales get dinner. Consequent to their investigations they have discovered how dinner avoids becoming dinner.
Here’s how it works: Norwegian Killer Whales slap theit tails under water, creating a shock that disorients the herring they’re trying to eat. The herring get frightened and cluster together, making the herring a nice compact nori roll for the whale. However, if the herring bubble some air from their anal duct and sink a bit, the whale gets disoriented enough that some of the school of herring can escape becoming dinner.
“Orest Diachok, a research physicist at Johns Hopkins University, told Discovery News that the killer whale study provides “compelling evidence on the function of tail slaps, much more compelling than previous studies of this phenomenon.”
As for the herring flatulence, Diachok agreed the fish may do this to facilitate escape, but he said it also might just be inadvertent.”
Therefore: If you’re parked in the Barcalounger and have a sudden urge to unburden your lower GI tract of the increasing methane and hydrogen sulphide pressures you’re feeling, you can perform a vital public service. Let fly!
Even if the bridge club is over. Even if there are guests. Even if Queen Noor of Jordan is staying at your place. You have a duty, nay, a sacred duty to protect your family from a Norwegian Killer Whale attack. Be proud.
RoadDave 