It has been a while since I’ve flown on a commercial carrier, about 4 months or so, mostly because of the Gulf War and the general economic downturn. I had the joy of going to Phoenix for a job and got back into the air system. Here are some thoughts.
Customer Service is at an all time low with the majors. Since carriers have been dropping flights from their schedules, the flights that do remain are packed to the gills. Gone are the extended leg room seats in Economy; the carriers have brought out the Spam Cans they use for charter flights to get the maximum number of people into their existing airplanes.
Food is a long-forgotten amenity. Gate agents encourage you to grab something to take with you while the food shops package up “Grab and Go” meals at price that would make a Saudi Sheik think twice. You can get coffee and often soda drinks on a flight, but expect only to get a half a can. Booze they’ve got.
In-flight snack? I think a number of new companies have popped up selling in-flight snacks at per unit cost measured in fractions of cents. First ingredient: Salt. Second ingredient: Salt. Third ingredient: Sodium Chloride. Don’t ask for more than one either, as you will be looked at like you have an alien head growing out of your chest.
Carry on? It seems that passengers don’t trust overworked baggage handlers with their stuff. All passengers have black nylon roller bags that must be stored overhead. Some carryon look like there is a family of five in the bag, including the stove and fridge. All overhead storage is filled to groaning.
Security is simple. All passengers are guilty. Expect a fondling at the checkpoint. I differ here, as I don’t mind the security efforts, since keeping bombs and crazies off the plane means I am going to live to complain another day. I show my Picture ID and Boarding Pass and, miracles of miracles, people actually read it. This is good and should have been done 15 years ago in the US. It is intrusive but necessary to keep things safe. Scanners are set to “Paranoid” and expect to get your shoes and bags x-rayed until they glow. You are entitled to complain and the TSA is entitled to give you a body cavity search that lasts three days. Welcome to the New Normal.
The seat-belt sign is on perpetually now. The mantra is “Stay in your seat, belt in, shut up and fuck off” Going to the bathroom in groups of more than one is frowned upon. In-flight turbulence being the reason you must wear your seatbelt at all times. Flight attendants insist you wait at your seat, rather than in the aisle, safety being the stated reason. The real reason is it is hard for a terrorist to jump up and take over an aircraft when they’re fumbling with a seatbelt, tripping over laptop cases, under seat storage and bursting overhead bins while the attendees of the Colicky Baby Convention yowl endlessly.
The Flight Attendants are noticeably and understandably jumpy. They’re also even more overworked than before, trying to offer some semblance of service while not actually being allowed to offer service as that costs money. Pilots are never seen. They are kept in the cockpit behind the armoured doors.
Fellow Flyers? An even more surly lot. Being a passenger now is a multi-faceted affront. Treated like a five year old with unmedicated ADHD, unfed, treated with disdain by the gate, the flight crew and especially the airline, passengers are reacting by not flying, which is hardly surprising. Air Rage would result, but the security situation today makes complaining a risky business. Raising your voice at the gate or on the aircraft could get you killed or jailed or handcuffed or simply tossed out and blacklisted forever.
Airlines love this because they can treat passengers like cattle and the passenger doesn’t dare complain. Missing your connection? Sorry sir, it’s a safety and security issue. We cannot reroute you or reissue your ticket on the next flight. You’ll have to do that at the gate in the next city. Pass the problem along to the next station who, with any savvy at all will say it’s a safety and security issue, you’ll have to go to ticketing outside security and have the ticket reissued for a fee, but only if you have a paper ticket, which airlines don’t issue any more and will only issue for a fee, if you can’t use the kiosk that doesn’t work because the credit card that bought the ticket isn’t yours which is a safety and security issue. You’ll have to see the agent at the gate. Except you need a valid boarding card for a flight to get through security and your original connection has already left therefore it is not a valid boarding pass.
Done correctly, airlines will have 99% on-time performance at maximum revenue without anyone actually inside the airplane. My bet is they’ll ask for a bigger handout from the government.
RoadDave 