CHAIR: Welcome to the Great Debate being held simultaneously on CNN and Iraqi State TV for a worldwide audience of millions.
Our debaters tonight, His Excellency Commander in Chief and President for Life of the Republic of Iraq, Saddam Hussein. (SPONTANEOUS APPLAUSE GOADED ON BY BAYONETS INTO THE BACKS OF THE AUDIENCE IN IRAQ)
…and his opponent, the President of the United States, George Walker Bush (CHANEY AND RUMSFELD DO THE WOOF WOOF WOOF)
…Our debaters have tossed a coin to determine who goes first, with a one minute opening statement and the winner was Saddam Hussein. Mister Hussein? Do you want to go first, or shall Mister Bush go first?
SADDAM: Bush go second (APPLAUSE FROM IRAQ STUDIO)
CHAIR: Mister Hussein, are you ready? The topic is, Do you have weapons of mass destruction and are you a threat to World Peace. You have one minute, starting now.
SADDAM: George Bush daddy try to kill me and glorious army of Republic of Iraq defend our homeland. I no have weapons of mass destruction. I say so. Except what the stuff we use on Kurds. No September 11 neither. I say so. It is so.
Missiles? Is fireworks for our nightclubs.
Food for Oil? I no starve. I got Range Rover and lots of gas. Kuwait? Never hear of it. Berets we got. Lots of berets for women of US who no wear veils with big bouncy breasts and legs showing.
Israel? Feh, Is not on map I see. Glorious army of Iraq for home defense from Evil Empire of United States of America George W Bush. I die with honour in Glorious Republic of Iraq where everybody vote for me. Or have eyes cut out by Republican Guard. Either or.
Or I hear from email to Libya and exile. George W Bush has cute wife looks like Dorothy Hamill. Chelsea Clinton is babe. You give me Chelsea Clinton and I get outta Baghdad real fast. You run sandbox. (MORE HYSTERICAL APPLAUSE)
CHAIR: Time Mister Hussein. Mister Bush?
GWB: My fellow Americans. This Evil Empire on the Axis of Evil is against Liberty and Freedom.
Here are photos of Saddam himself loading poison gas into their nightclub fireworks aimed at a point on the map where Israel is.
Here’s another of Saddam gouging the eyes out of a voter in Baghdad.
And another of the Republican Guard, led by Saddam entering a tanning salon in Kuwait City for a tem minute session and a back waxing.
As for my Daddy, I say Your Momma, if she’s still alive.
We can turn your nation into rubble in twenty minutes.
But if you were going into exile, (TALKS OFF SCREEN TO CHENEY) would you take Noelle Bush instead of Chelsea? And a lifetime subscription to Hustler?
SADDAM: Hell yeah!
GWB: Done.
CHAIR: Thank you gentlemen. This debate has lasted about as long as the last four Mike Tyson fights and has brought about World Peace. Good Night.
RoadDave 