Here are the edited outtakes you’ll never hear from our homespun Doc.
“Get off my stage you ignorant white trash goat roper”
“Your story makes me think you’re just a spoiled little pissant who needs a beating”
“I bet your momma didn’t love you enough, am I right?”
“If what your tell me is true, then you really should kill yourself. Here’s a rope…”
“Pull my finger…come on, its part of your therapy….go ahead…pull my finger…”
“You say you feel more comfortable in a woman’s sexual identity right? Well..You’re a fag then. A big, bearded, tattooed blue cocktail dress wearing fag. And you deserve whatever hell befalls you, including an enlarged anus from being buttloved by lumberjacks.”
“If my wife ever said that to me, I’d smack her in the mouth with a wet boot.”
“If I did that, I’d wake up in the kitchen in a pool of blood, with my wife sayin’ ‘How do you reload this fucking thing’ “
“Your sister in law is really telling you, she wants a threesome with your wife and you. It’s just natural…”
“You’re tellin’ me that money is important to you. Well, for starters, I’d be paying your husband to make love to you and get him a Screen Actors Guild card, because you are the ugliest human being I have ever seen. I wouldn’t be surprised if he fucks you with someone else’s dick…”
“My, but those are the nicest set of titties I have ever seen on this program…”
“Well, in my experience, the real reason you’re unhappy is that you are just unhappy because you suck at life.”
“I’m gonna come back and visit in 90 days to see if you’ve got things back on track. Now, if you can’t control the stealing, I could use a big TV for my house…”
“I think if you ask most of our audience here today, they might very well agree with me that lighting your, well let’s just call them what they are, farts, in church, during services, is just wrong…”
“Who let you in here? Was it your momma? Well, come on over here to Doctor Phil and I’ll give you 10 dollars for a lap dance, rather than your usual 5…”
RoadDave 