The hotel in Atlanta is a Westin and a really nice set of digs for a few days. Unfortunately, they also host conferences from the outside world. Mary Kay Cosmetics is holding a two-day dog and pony show here. To get to the office across the courtyard, I have to walk by the Conference of Cosmetology.
How much makeup can be worn by 200 or so ladies? Figure about a pound per person. I have seen too many double and quadruple chins delicately caressed with Mary Kay’s Ugly Bitch Blush. Too many eyes lined repeatedly with Hosebag Mascara. Lipstick? Pick the colour, including those colours not in the visible light spectrum. All done with a fine line of Classic Whore about an inch around the approximate area where the lip pigment ends and the rest of the face starts.
Hair Colour? Start with Slut Platinum and run the colour wheel down to Dominatrix Black, spending plenty of time around Skank Red. Eye colour? There was one eyelid colour that I swear was pool cue chalk blue. Probably marketed as Eight-Ball Blue. And not just one colour on the eyelid. It seems that five or more are THE fashion statement on each eyelid, including some with sparkles and stick-on stars and real ‘gems’ at the corner of the eye. Imagine extraordinarily ugly women, coated in hot glue and dragged face first through a paint booth then a craft shop and you’re close.
Clothing? It seems that “slutty” and “whorish” are the fashion watchwords this fall. The only thing missing was really, really tacky lingerie on these tarts. Push up bras? The only place to see more tits pushed skyward is to go to a mammography clinic and tip the machine over on its side. Judging by the age of some of these old Madams, I suspect they rolled the sweater puffs up first, then jammed them into the bra to be tugged even further skyward. Oh, stiletto heeled fuck-me pumps at 0800 in the morning are mandatory.
If it wasn’t for the enveloping clouds of really cheap perfume, I would have thought that I had walked into a convention of retired World War camp whores from the Italian and French Campaigns (“These are the women who serviced your grandpa in WWII…”)
Do I have a fond spot for Mary Kay? Well, you tell me.
RoadDave 